The topic should be Marriage arranged by others and Marriage arranged by Self.
Love marriage and Arranged marriages are not mutually exclusive.
In a Love marriage one loves and marries and in arranged marriages one marries and loves later.
The operative word is Love.
The love one professes before marriage might evaporate into thin air once one gets married and arranged marriages may spark Love.
However,looking at the topic in question, not all arranged marriages are Failures and all love marriages are Successes.
In Hindu system it is traditional to look for Ten parameters for compatibility, based on one’s birth star.
They are :
1.Gana
2.Maahendram
3,Sthree Theerkkam
4.Yoni.
5.Raasi
6.Raasi Athpathi
7.Rajju
8.Raasi
9.Vedai
10.Naadi
These Ten factors indicate Physical (Yoni,Sthree Theerkkam,Rajju, Vedai) and the rest Attitudes as determined by one’s Birth Star.
It is believed that 5 matches of these 10 are good.
However None can say arranged marriages are a success.
There are arranged marriages that end in Divorces very soon after the marriage.
In the same way, Love marriages also do end in Divorce.
The factors behind divorces are neither the Love marriage or the arranged marriage.
It is the inability of the individual to adjust with the other.
This can be a silly question over watching the same Tv programme to the extent of ill-treatment by husband(there are also cases of ill-treatment by wife which remains unreported)and in-laws.
It is in Nature that when two individuals come together there is bound to be a disagreement on some issue or another.
There is no relationship without quarrel or bitterness.
The matured ones leave the issue at that and proceed with Life further for there is no perfect match in the world .
Just as one wants an Aiswarya Rai .the girl can also demand Movie idols .
But unfortunately this never happens.
One should know Life offers what it has and one makes a decision.
One may change his views later but the action taken can not be undone.
The factor against Love marriage is that decision is taken by one and there is hardly a choice for a second opinion.
One gets carried away by Dopamine and takes decisions directed entirely by Emotion without knowing it.
Worst is one justifies it by invented Logic mainly to convince oneself!
When you are not living close, you see only the Plus, when near small mistakes appear larger than Life.
This affects Relationship.
In Love, people talk of things which one knows he/she will not be able to compromise,yet they declare so, having been carried away.
At the time of Love the World does not seem to matter.
But after marriage one realises that it does matter.
One can not live as an Island.
In the case of arranges marriages,elders will try to diffuse the tension between the couple by intervening,
In these cases, one tends to lose one’s Emotional Support Systems other than his wife/husband .
This is Dangerous ground for the one on whom you depend emotionally hurts you, then you get hurt very badly.
In arranged marriages, more than one person is involved,
They are not outsiders or your enemies.
They are your Parents,Brothers and Sisters with whom you are related by blood.
They are less likely to harm you and in fact they shall see to it that whether the match is in order by taking into account the Character ,Family back Ground,family and Economic Commitments and Social approval.
One may sneer at the last .
But it is a fact that Social approval is also necessary for a successful marriage for marriage is not an end but the beginning of Life as one has to think of his/her parents, Siblings and the future of his children.
So a marriage to be successful it is Love and understanding that is necessary , and not anything more.
However on balance,I feel that a Love marriage, arranged by parents is the Best.
For this both the parents and the Boy/Girl should be mature enough to understand each other.
Related articles
- Arranged Marriages (filterbypass.wordpress.com)
- You: Love marriage claims two lives in Multan (nation.com.pk)
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