This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not. Recently I had a call on this from a son on this. He was worried about this. Each of the parents have complained about the other. The Boy wanted to solve the issue The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.
I have lamented the fact that the Brahmin Community is finding it difficult to find suitable Mates . This problem has become more pronounced now because of various factors. 1.Girl's parents delaying the marriage. 2.Girls and Boys having imaginary Ideal Girl/Boy and waiting for a Wave length. 3.As the custom of circulating the Horoscope is getting diminished because of shrinking Families and same community friends, the choice becomes restricted to only Internet, Matrimonial sites. Though these are effective, the communication conveyed through these sites by the uploaders do not receive possible Brides/Grooms. And in most of these sites, the educational and salary expectations are so high and unrealistic, one wonders how people with less qualification/Income get married at all.
It produces the opposite reaction. You have run the family for nearly 30 t0 40 years and you have taught , or you thought you had taught your children to face Life,. Why not leave them be? What could they do? They might make mistakes. like you and I have mad when we were young, or for that matter even now. Why not admit that the younger generation may be( in Fact) is more intelligent in handling Life than we did? Let them run the family the way they want. If you have brought them up well and proper they would have the basic Morals alright. That would do. Not the silly expectation of them coming to you and submitting their account and informing y
This is addition to what is being provided at Home by way of Food, Shelter Clothing, Study expenses and in fact covers everything. This concept is a new one, since about fifteen years,;even then, it was not followed as it is being done now. We were provided every thing by the parents at Home(about 50 years back) and I did not even know what to ask. I used accept what was given by my father. Even School textbooks were not asked for. If I needed something, which was rare, at times I used to ask my mother and what I wanted was provided, but never Money. Today, we find Pocket Money is being demanded as a matter of Right by the children and parents also consider this as a part of a Child growing into an adult! It sounds funny. Why does a child require Money and why do parents encourage it? One point is that the peer Pressure exerted on the Parents by the other parents on the one hand and , on the other,the pressure exerted by the child's friends. Many parents resort to this practice to show their status,also to assuage their guilt feeling of not being with the child as much as they would like because of the fact that both Husband and wife are employed. They think they are compensating this by giving money to children. At a relatively young age, say up to 10 years, if you bring up the child properly. the child would not ask for Pocket Money and what it needs is the fact that the Father/Mother personally bought something for him Once you allow the child the taste of money, it never leaves. The child develops a taste for things which it can not afford and assumes that the Money is there merely for the asking. When you have money, one tends to spend on things one does not need, this applies more to Adults,look at your credit card purchase-s you would have bought things which you would otherwise have not bought if you hard currency ;such being the case, imagine a child! When the child has more money it tends to develop bad habits like Smoking< Drinking and begin to use drugs.
I studied in a premier college with dual scholarship as I could not afford Higher studies. I was very active in the Students' Union and was responsible for three strikes in that premier Institution. The causes were just, the authorities knew it, though could not admit it openly. I finished my degree as the first rank holder in the University in major(Philosophy,Psychology and Sociology), only first class in The University in the language(Tamil),and one of the seven second class students who scored in English. Though the college authorities knew I had created problem, the Chief of the group called me and asked me to continue MA , financial help for boarding, lodging and fees will be taken care of by them, I could not, because my family circumstances warranted that I take up a job. Hence I had to refuse the offer despite their assurance that they will provide me with a job in the college as a Lecturer(Mind you the salary was good for the post in those days) because I could not wait for two more years to earn. I took up a job, went out of the city, fell in love for over three years with my friend's( who was around 48 years) daughter. As much I wanted to marry her, I did not ask her father. in my view to marry one;s friend's daughter was a betrayal of Trust! I got married and me my friend with my wife. His daughter and he extended hospitality. As we were returning Home, my wife told me that she saw Love in my friend's daughter's eyes and asked me what the matter was. I explained her and she admonished me for not having married her and felt sorry for me too! My wife, whom I loved and love still died in child birth. I went off my mind for a couple of months, got remarried , begotten grand children. i had choices, to opt for higher study and a sinecure job. to marry the one whom I loved, to remain unmarried after my beloved wife's death, I did not choose any of these options. On hind sight I wish I could have taken them. The cost?