The issue of Love Marriage occupies an important decision-making point in India,
Though the number of love Marriages have increased in India, there are still lingering doubts about the success rate of these Marriages.
The spate of Divorces of late have reignited the resistance to Love marriages, when it was on the wane and Love marriages were not beginning not to be frowned upon.
I watched the successful Talk how ‘Neeya Naana‘ in Star Vijay on 21 January.
This Talk show is a very rare show where there is some sense and purpose and is never staid or Stale.
Major credit is to the Anchor Mr.Gopinath.
Now to the point on hand.
Why are some people against Love marriages even at this Age?
Let us look some facts.
Before we proceed to analyse the points, let me add a few points on my impressions of the Show.
The show was informative and engrossing.
To be fair the anchor, as usual, did not have any pre conceived notions on the subject and drew the participants out.
Protagonist for Love marriages’ assertion that it is only marriages that nurse he well-being og the Society and they talked as if Love marriage alone is the most important point in one’s Life!
In general, both people who are against and for love marriages greed that Love marriages with out parents’ approval leave one in pain and the couple fend for themselves with out the approval from the relatives and the Society.
They found that getting their children married pose a daunting problem.
The problems for Love marriages with out parents approval in India:
1.The couple are disowned their parents.
2.In case they fall into hard times, there is none to help them.
3.If there is a misunderstanding between the couple, there is nobody to turn to diffuse the tension.
4.Parents face social ostracism of sorts from the Society, even from the enlightened sections of the Society.
5.Parents can not take part in any social discussions in Public, being branded as the parents of the ‘Eloped’
6.Even if the couple who get married against their parents wishes, feel that the pain they have to undergo when their parents disown them and feel totally humiliated when their children do not receive the warmth and affection from their parents as Grand father and Grand Mother.
7.Parents though they said they were against these marriages, were favorably inclined to agree if the Boy has no vices and earn reasonably well to support a wife.
The main concern of the parents , as is normal with a parent, is whether the Girl would suit the family or would end up breaking it.
Being from two different environment- whether it would be easy to make adjustments for day-to-day Life.
Love is fine but the question of adjustment in daily life?
If one of the partners were to hail from another Religion, it becomes very oppressive to adjust to their behavior. however broad minded one is.
What we ought to be is different from what we are.
Even when people marry from similar backgrounds arranged by the parents one finds it difficult to adjust.
This is natural as two personalities can never be identical.
If this is so, what about the marriages from entirely different back ground including from the time one wakes up?
Parents arrange marriages with the intention of making their children happy and at the same time ensure that the couple have the least point of known differences.
This is practical.
And this is not to say that all arranged marriages are successful and Love Marriages are doomed to fail.
The chances of Love marriages failing due to different Life Styles are greater.
Then comes the question of Caste.
In India it is fashionable to break down any cause to caste.
Caste is nothing a feeling that one higher than the other.
This is inbuilt in the Human Psyche.
Every one wants to assert that he a cut above the rest.
People with similar way of living form into groups and they stick together.
This is Human nature.
One can not force one to like another
It is a personal choice.
Nature and dispositions determine caste.
It is fashionable to decry Caste without understanding the Concept which is based on Human nature.
I noted in the progarmme that(though I am aware of it) that as to who are most open to inter caste marriages economic status being alright, it is the Brahmins (who are called the Higher caste, though they do not declare it!), they are in the fore front!
It is a fact that the practice of ill-treating the so-called scheduled caste is by the other communities and not by Brahmins.
How many cases of’ ‘Two Tumblers’ were practiced by the Brahmins?
The recent attack on a dalit( an ingenious way of segregating a community, coined by , I think Ambedkar!) where Community Homes were destroyed was instigated by the Vanniyar Community instigated by Ramadoss who runs a political out fit.
They declare that their community is being polluted by the dalit!
Even those who declare that they would ‘kill their daughter’ if they marry outside the caste state that they would do nothing of the sort if the community they marry into happens to be a Higher One!( In fact a Man declared so in the show)
In essence Love marriages are good.
But they have to be tempered with a check on background.
What one gets at the age of 17/ 18 is sexual attraction.
It will not stand.
Parents who have brought you up know what is good for you seek their guidance and be open with them.
Parents must also not treat Love Marriages as some thing Evil.
Check and if the Boy or Girl is good, the family and economic background is reasonably good, go ahead.
Do not lose your children.
They are our Blood.
Marriages are personal issues, to be decided by the individuals and their families, in that order.
The Social Activists, better look to their families first.
Look at the families of some of the Self Respect Movement Leaders in Tamil Nadu,Illegal Children ,Bigamy and Concubines in Public.
There was a talk in the show that the Tamil Culture speaks highly of Love.
What people chose to ignore is that it never allows illegal liaisons .
Nor does it approve of all love.
If it were so why there is ‘kalavozhkkam,kaikkilai,madaleruthal’ in Tamil Literature?
Point is that human nature has been the same especially On Love ; there have been resistances, approvals.
Do not try to misquote Tami by saying all Love was approved.