Why Love Happens Tamil Answers

Recently I came across a question in a Facebook Community.

‘Why does Love happen’?

People may brush it aside as silly but it needs an answer.

Lovers Portrayed ina temple in Tamil Nadu.jpg
Lovers Portrayed ina temple in Tamil Nadu

I did not see any relevant answer to the question.

In life we see people falling in Love, some of them,if succesful’ lead a Happy married Life

Even among those successful in getting married, the unhappiness  after marriage rate is high.

I am speaking of Love and not what is now portrayed as a convenient arrangement for  one’ security.

Now I find whether it be a boy or a Girl,  contrary to what many think, do not fall in Love without deliberation.

They check the financial position, the responsibilities one has to bear and decide to fall in Love.

In my opinion this is not Love.

This is a deliberate arrangement to ensure smooth Life, whether that myth remains through out Life is another matter.

Love is a passion that surges forward at a specific point for no known reason.

Shakespeare put it,

‘Whoever loved that loved not at first sight’

How and why does this Love happen?

I checked Tamil literature for Tamil classical literature is a reflection of ancient Tamil life and offers solution to any aspect of Life.

Tamil language has a separate grammar called Kalaviyal, they have treated Life as a part of language evolution.

While marriage as an institution was  given its due, Tamils were practical in assigning a place for love and have laid certain rules for Love!

This is Called Kalaviyal,களவியல்,  Kalavu,one of its meaning, is on the Sly.

I shall be posting on this later.

What does Tamil say on Love happening?

Tamil acknowledges that neither marital status nor finanicial one has anything to do with it.

It happens to all at any age.

The value judgement on this is a different matter,

There are rules even for this.

The first available book on Tamil Grammar says thus,


““ஒன்றே வேறே என்றிருபால் வயின்
ஒன்றி யுயர்ந்த பால தாணையின்
ஒத்த கிழவனும் கிழத்தியும் காண்ப
மிக்கோ னாயினும் கடிவரை யின்றே” (களவியல் – 2)’ Tolkaapiyam.

Love between a Man and a woman happens because of…’Fate”

Note that Tolkaapiyam is careful in saying ‘between Aman and woman,implying that there were other relationships as well.

I tend to agree that Love, Marriage, Children and Profession is the handiwork of Fate, our protestations notwithstanding.

Sanatan Dharam says much the same.




Values Still Alive Photo Essay

One is sick of


Nations invading others on false pretext


Of Terrorism


Of Religious Fanaticism


Of Corruption


Of Betrayals,




Of Greed and Corruption,


Of Pedophiles,


Of wheeling and dealing,


Of irresponsible parents,


Of  insensitive children,


One loses faith In Humanity and Human values,




A Muslim gives away his shoe to the needy and walks barefooted,Image.jpg.
A Muslim gives away his shoe to the needy and walks barefooted
Kindness from strangers.Image.jpg.
Kindness from strangers.


Kindness In Train b a Stranger.Image.jpg.
Kindness In Train b a Stranger.
Carolers assemble for a Child with Leukemia.Image,jpg.
Carolers assemble for a Child with Leukemia.
Love.Thanks for treating His dog. .image.jpg.
Love.Boy Thanks for treating His dog.




The Courtyard Of Moon


Moon is used in world literature as an allusion,allegory simile to express various emotions.

Courtyard of Moon.
Moon Shining Courtyard of Moon.

The practice of using the concept Moon as a part of Life goes to the Tamils.

There is no Poet who has not sung about Moon right from the Classical  Age of the Sangam till the present day.

It is also the part of Indian life to show Moon and feed the child.

Usually a song is sung inviting The Moon to play with the child.

This has been such an expected custom that a special grammar has been created to accommodate this activity.

In Pillai Thamizh, The Tamil of The child, various stages of the child’s growth has been explained and suitable songs were sung.

Those who know Tamil, enjoy this song, Thiuvoimozhi of Periyazhvar sung in praise of Lord Krishna asking Him to sleep while making Him sleep in a Cradle.

The celebration of the Moon is not restricted children.

Moon is used to express Love,Pangs of separation and even pathos.

I am proving some songs towards the close of the Post.

It is the practice, as the child grows up, to have the family sit around in the Pial( a reclining slab at the entrance of the House) have the food made into  a Ball , place in the Palm of the family members.

This is/was widely practiced.

I used it to do this for my children till they were in the Ninth or tenth standard.

The taste and the camaraderie one feels as a Unit is incomparable.

Children eat more than what they usually consume.

Tamils have taken this a step further,

In ancient days, Homes had a special area built, normally in the first floor and the Kings used to build a Floor for this purpose , enjoy the Moon and take food.

This place is called the Courtyard of Moon.’Nila Mutram’.

There is also the practice of eating under the Moon with the family on the Full Moon Day of the Chaitra,Chiththitrai Month , The Full Moon Day of April.

Special festival is celebrated on this day and this is special in Madurai, Chitra Pournami

Such simple pleasures do not cost you nor do they harm children.

We seem to be losing them.

Some Old movie songs on Moon.



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Marriage Is For You

I received an email from WordPress informing me of a WordPress.com site becoming viral, with over 26 Million views ans the site had even crashed unable to handle such a heavy traffic.

This is the message.

On November 2, 2013, Seth Smith hit publish on an article entitled Marriage Isn’t For You. Within a few hours, his self-hosted WordPress site couldn’t handle the tens of thousands of visitors reading the post. He moved his article and then his entire site over to WordPress.com, where the WordPress.com team did some additional tweaks to keep his site up and ready for the ten million visitors who would end up visiting his site in a single day. The article has since received 26 million total views. We talked to Seth about going viral on WordPress.com.”

I read the post, found it interesting.

The gist is that Love is not about what you get  when you love some one,

It is the happiness that you bring or impart to that person.

So, in that sense Love and Marriage is not for you.

Though the logic seems to be good ,there seems to be a slight difference in analysing Relationship.

The article says that marriage is for raising a family .


But you do not divest your interest in raising your Family.

You too are interested in a Relationship for you expect it to bring you happiness

You do things because you expect them to bring you happiness or at least that which does not bring you grief.

It is human Nature to be happy and seek happiness through gratification.

This may be physical ,emotional,mental,spiritual or all these combined.

Though sounds cynical it is a fact there is no such Love as an Altruistic one.

The trick is to balance your happiness and other’s happiness and ensure that you get more happiness out of other’s happiness.

Sounds easy, but is not.

But practice shall make it easier and it would become a routine.

PS. Do not confuse this with Hypocrisy.

As happiness is what every one seeks Marriage, with all its warts, is for everyone..

Husband Wife Can Not be Your Best Friend

I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion in some forums.

Spouse is the Best Friend
Spouse is the Best Friend?

It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.

Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend  and not the other way.

When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.

One has to be wary of the fact that it might change their attitude and behavior towards you.

The one whom you share might have their own agenda.

This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.

In general, it is not practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.

In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axes to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!

It is often thought one is expected to share everything with  those whom they Love.


Unselfish, Altruistic  Love is Utopian, not practical.

In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.

Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.

Therefore ,their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.

So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.

But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.

The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.

I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)

Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.

This does not mean you do not love.

The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion, is childish.

Love is about caring, that’s all.

This requires a more healthy and mature  Attitude than sharing.

Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.

Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?

Some references and discussions.

*There are exceptions,

For most people, their spouse is the person they see the most on any given day. From the moment they wake up in the morning to the moment they go to sleep at night, it’s their spouse who hears all of their thoughts and ideas, who listens to their observations on the day, and who does it all over again the next. But does that make their spouse their best friend?

The other night over dinner, this question came up with some girlfriends of mine. They are lucky enough to have the lifelong friends some of us can only dream about. Friends who have known them since they were 4, nursed them through high school breakups and junior high drama. Friends who know their family dynamics better than their cousins and stood beside them at their wedding, tearing up and smiling for the camera.

So who is our “best friend”? For me, it’s my husband. Hands down. I have other people I adore and feel close to, but no one knows my innermost everything like my husband. Then again, I am lucky in that I have known him since I was 10 and he DID know my family … So maybe it’s different if you meet in your late 20s or 30s.

We asked around and polled 14 women to ask their opinions and got a varied amount of amazing responses. Here are some:

1.) “When asked who my BFF is, I never think to respond my husband, but if I think about what one means, then yes, he is. That said, he’s NOT my favorite person to do everything with, and there are some things I’d rather do/issues I’d rather discuss with my BFF than him.”

2.) “No one knows me like the friend I grew up with. She was my neighbor, she knew my parents when they were alive and she knew them well. I love my husband, but no one could ever know me like her.”

3.) “I’m closer with him than anyone, feel most comfortable around him, have so much fun with him, and know I can count on him more than anyone else. However, that said, there are some things he just doesn’t get that my girl ‘best friend’ does — especially when it comes to being a mom and how much we put into it!”

4.) “My husband is my best friend. As for why — he’s funny, he’s good company, he likes many of the same things I do, and he’s been my partner through thick and thin for over 13 years.”

5.) “Yes, he is. We went into this as best friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have other best friends, but he’s number one.”

6.) “Without a doubt, my husband is my best friend. Still, I’m proud to have several other friends that are very close behind. But we don’t have sex so …?”

7.) “I have a best friend that isn’t my husband. Obviously, my husband and I know each other like only we could know. We support one another emotionally, we have great conversations and so much fun together. We are raising kids and sharing a house together and I couldn’t imagine doing it with another human being, but my best friend is someone who I have known forever, we have shared more with each other than any other. Both experiences and secrets. We have shared hilarious times, sad times, great times, and horrendous times together and I honestly would not be where I am today without her love, advice, and guidance.”

8.) “My husband and I are probably totally co-dependent in that we do everything together (even grocery shop). He is my foil, the shoulder I can lean on when I am down, and the person who has my back all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for not having that one woman who is my soul sister BFF, but then I think about my marriage and how LUCKY we are. I am so thankful that I have this man I want to talk to all night and rip off his clothes at the same time. Even after a decade of marriage. So yeah, he’s my best friend with a million benefits, to boot.”



I think declaring that your husband is your best friend is very trendy these days. With that said, I am sure many of you consider your husband to be your best friend. However when I married 43 years ago I loved and still love my husband dearly. However, he is NOT my best friend. Why ? Because who do you talk to when your husband pisses you off ? Not him….its your best friend, who in my case happens to be a girl who understands me so much better than my husband.