Thank You My Son

I am sorry.

I have never expressed my appreciation of him, though I am proud of him.

As I near my death, I am running 65 years, I would not like to depart without saying how much I thank him and love him.

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Many People often leave the world without thanking those who deserve it.

One of the fundamentals of any religion is gratitude.

Thirukkural says,

எந்நன்றி கொன்றார்க்கும் உய்வுண்டாம் உய்வில்லை
செய்ந்நன்றி கொன்ற மகற்கு.

எந்நன்றி கொன்றார்க்கும் உய்வு உண்டாம் – பெரிய அறங்களைச் சிதைத்தார்க்கும் பாவத்தின் நீங்கும் வாயில் உண்டாம்; செய்ந்நன்றி கொன்ற மகற்கு உய்வு இல்லை – ஒருவன் செய்த நன்றியைச் சிதைத்த மகனுக்கு அஃது இல்லை. (பெரிய அறங்களைச் சிதைத்தலாவது, ஆன்முலை அறுத்தலும், மகளிர் கருவினைச் சிதைத்தலும், பார்ப்பார்த்தப்புதலும் (புறநா.34) முதலிய பாதகங்களைச் செய்தல். இதனால் செய்ந்நன்றி கோறலின் கொடுமை கூறப்பட்டது.).

There is no salvation for those who forget  Gratitude.

Here I do not take the meaning of Parimel Azhakar for the word ‘Makarkku’ meaning son, but the meaning people.

Often in Life we do not adequately thank people.

It is a slur on the Soul.

I am not very demonstrative in showing my emotions, even to my children.

I am of the view that love for the others would be felt by those who are loved .

They need not be vocalized.

But I belong to old school where the term Love was not even uttered in relationships and they were/are a part of the Being.

My father was the least emotional Man I have come across.

He would never express himself.

But Psychologists would say repressed emotions might lead to stress.

But my father was never stressed.

When my paternal grandfather died , his body was lying, my father was sitting an as Easy chair displaying no emotion.

I was around 12 or 13 then.

I remember asking him as to why he was not crying as others, he  replied if some one would guarantee that his father would come back alive , he would definitely cry!

When my mother died, with whom my father has lived for over 50 years, he just woke me up at the dead of the night, told me’

‘Your mother just died, you go to sleep and we shall see in the morning!

But , after the death of my mother, my father who weighed at 130 Kg.came down to 65 in a matter of six months.

During this period he  never spoke a word about my mother.

Probably I belong to those people who never exhibit emotions.

My Daughter in law says that I am the most  unromantic person she has ever seen!

Many of my friends say that I am cold.

Excepting to those whom I am close with.

Notwithstanding this, it is time I record my sentiments, though my son would say sentiments are non sense.

But isn’t Life all about all sentiments?

I may not be expressive but I know that sentiments make one live through the Life.

My son is very sensitive and never expresses himself.

He is more rational, according to him.

But behind this veneer I can detect the undercurrent of affection, love.

He is close to the family, that’s all.

And we are close as Friends.

He has been  taking responsibility of the Family from the time he was 17.

He never interfered.

He let me do things my way, despite some objections by him,

He has made my retired life pleasant by enabling me do things I wanted to do but could not during my working days.

He never lets me worry about anything.

Doing research in Hinduism.

The comfort he gives me gives me time and vigor to do what I want to do.

I have never appreciated him because I believe, as the Sastras say,never praise your children, point out their faults’

Parenting is not for popularity .

It is for their welfare.

I wish I could have done more for my son.

I could not.

I am sorry.

I have never expressed my appreciation of him, though I am proud of him.

As I near my death, I am running 65 years, I would not like to depart without saying how much I thank him and love him.

Thank you Anand, my son.

Wish I had been as good a Father as you have been /are a son!

Why Love Happens Tamil Answers

While marriage as an institution was given its due, Tamils were practical in assigning a place for love and have laid certain rules,, for Love!

This is Called Kalaviyal,களவியல், Kalavu,one of its meaning ,is on the Sly.

I shall be posting on this later.

What does Tamil say on Love happening?

Tamil acknowledges that neither marital status nor finanicial one has anything to do with it.

It happens to all at any age.


Recently I came across a question in a Facebook Community.

‘Why does Love happen’?

People may brush it aside as silly but it needs an answer.

Lovers Portrayed ina temple in Tamil Nadu.jpg
Lovers Portrayed ina temple in Tamil Nadu

I did not see any relevant answer to the question.

In life we see people falling in Love, some of them,if succesful’ lead a Happy married Life

Even among those successful in getting married, the unhappiness  after marriage rate is high.

I am speaking of Love and not what is now portrayed as a convenient arrangement for  one’ security.

Now I find whether it be a boy or a Girl,  contrary to what many think, do not fall in Love without deliberation.

They check the financial position, the responsibilities one has to bear and decide to fall in Love.

In my opinion this is not Love.

This is a deliberate arrangement to ensure smooth Life, whether that myth remains through out Life is another matter.

Love is a passion that surges forward at a specific point for no known reason.

Shakespeare put it,

‘Whoever loved that loved not at first sight’

How and why does this Love happen?

I checked Tamil literature for Tamil classical literature is a reflection of ancient Tamil life and offers solution to any aspect of Life.

Tamil language has a separate grammar called Kalaviyal, they have treated Life as a part of language evolution.

While marriage as an institution was  given its due, Tamils were practical in assigning a place for love and have laid certain rules for Love!

This is Called Kalaviyal,களவியல்,  Kalavu,one of its meaning, is on the Sly.

I shall be posting on this later.

What does Tamil say on Love happening?

Tamil acknowledges that neither marital status nor finanicial one has anything to do with it.

It happens to all at any age.

The value judgement on this is a different matter,

There are rules even for this.

The first available book on Tamil Grammar says thus,

 

““ஒன்றே வேறே என்றிருபால் வயின்
ஒன்றி யுயர்ந்த பால தாணையின்
ஒத்த கிழவனும் கிழத்தியும் காண்ப
மிக்கோ னாயினும் கடிவரை யின்றே” (களவியல் – 2)’ Tolkaapiyam.

Love between a Man and a woman happens because of…’Fate”

Note that Tolkaapiyam is careful in saying ‘between Aman and woman,implying that there were other relationships as well.

I tend to agree that Love, Marriage, Children and Profession is the handiwork of Fate, our protestations notwithstanding.

Sanatan Dharam says much the same.

 

 

 

Values Still Alive Photo Essay


One is sick of

 

Nations invading others on false pretext

 

Of Terrorism

 

Of Religious Fanaticism

 

Of Corruption

 

Of Betrayals,

 

Fratricide,Matricide,Infanticide,Patricide,,Homicide,

 

Of Greed and Corruption,

 

Of Pedophiles,

 

Of wheeling and dealing,

 

Of irresponsible parents,

 

Of  insensitive children,

 

One loses faith In Humanity and Human values,

 

But,

 

A Muslim gives away his shoe to the needy and walks barefooted,Image.jpg.
A Muslim gives away his shoe to the needy and walks barefooted
Kindness from strangers.Image.jpg.
Kindness from strangers.

 

Kindness In Train b a Stranger.Image.jpg.
Kindness In Train b a Stranger.
Carolers assemble for a Child with Leukemia.Image,jpg.
Carolers assemble for a Child with Leukemia.
Love.Thanks for treating His dog. .image.jpg.
Love.Boy Thanks for treating His dog.

 

Source.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2F26Bf/YRKoEdwm:CCZ0.nu9/slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2014/june/faith_in_humanity_restored_again.htm

The Courtyard Of Moon


 

Moon is used in world literature as an allusion,allegory simile to express various emotions.

Courtyard of Moon.
Moon Shining Courtyard of Moon.

The practice of using the concept Moon as a part of Life goes to the Tamils.

There is no Poet who has not sung about Moon right from the Classical  Age of the Sangam till the present day.

It is also the part of Indian life to show Moon and feed the child.

Usually a song is sung inviting The Moon to play with the child.

This has been such an expected custom that a special grammar has been created to accommodate this activity.

In Pillai Thamizh, The Tamil of The child, various stages of the child’s growth has been explained and suitable songs were sung.

Those who know Tamil, enjoy this song, Thiuvoimozhi of Periyazhvar sung in praise of Lord Krishna asking Him to sleep while making Him sleep in a Cradle.

The celebration of the Moon is not restricted children.

Moon is used to express Love,Pangs of separation and even pathos.

I am proving some songs towards the close of the Post.

It is the practice, as the child grows up, to have the family sit around in the Pial( a reclining slab at the entrance of the House) have the food made into  a Ball , place in the Palm of the family members.

This is/was widely practiced.

I used it to do this for my children till they were in the Ninth or tenth standard.

The taste and the camaraderie one feels as a Unit is incomparable.

Children eat more than what they usually consume.

Tamils have taken this a step further,

In ancient days, Homes had a special area built, normally in the first floor and the Kings used to build a Floor for this purpose , enjoy the Moon and take food.

This place is called the Courtyard of Moon.’Nila Mutram’.

There is also the practice of eating under the Moon with the family on the Full Moon Day of the Chaitra,Chiththitrai Month , The Full Moon Day of April.

Special festival is celebrated on this day and this is special in Madurai, Chitra Pournami

Such simple pleasures do not cost you nor do they harm children.

We seem to be losing them.

Some Old movie songs on Moon.

 

 

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Marriage Is For You

True.

But you do not divest your interest in raising your Family.

You too are interested in a Relationship for you expect it to bring you happiness

You do things because you expect them to bring you happiness or at least that which does not bring you grief.

It is human Nature to be happy and seek happiness through gratification.

This may be physical ,emotional,mental,spiritual or all these combined.

Though sounds cynical it is a fact there is no such Love as an Altruistic one.


I received an email from WordPress informing me of a WordPress.com site becoming viral, with over 26 Million views ans the site had even crashed unable to handle such a heavy traffic.

This is the message.

On November 2, 2013, Seth Smith hit publish on an article entitled Marriage Isn’t For You. Within a few hours, his self-hosted WordPress site couldn’t handle the tens of thousands of visitors reading the post. He moved his article and then his entire site over to WordPress.com, where the WordPress.com team did some additional tweaks to keep his site up and ready for the ten million visitors who would end up visiting his site in a single day. The article has since received 26 million total views. We talked to Seth about going viral on WordPress.com.”

I read the post, found it interesting.

The gist is that Love is not about what you get  when you love some one,

It is the happiness that you bring or impart to that person.

So, in that sense Love and Marriage is not for you.

Though the logic seems to be good ,there seems to be a slight difference in analysing Relationship.

The article says that marriage is for raising a family .

True.

But you do not divest your interest in raising your Family.

You too are interested in a Relationship for you expect it to bring you happiness

You do things because you expect them to bring you happiness or at least that which does not bring you grief.

It is human Nature to be happy and seek happiness through gratification.

This may be physical ,emotional,mental,spiritual or all these combined.

Though sounds cynical it is a fact there is no such Love as an Altruistic one.

The trick is to balance your happiness and other’s happiness and ensure that you get more happiness out of other’s happiness.

Sounds easy, but is not.

But practice shall make it easier and it would become a routine.

PS. Do not confuse this with Hypocrisy.

As happiness is what every one seeks Marriage, with all its warts, is for everyone..

Husband Wife Can Not be Your Best Friend

I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion some forums.

It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.

Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend and not the other way.

When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.

One has to be wary of the fact that it might their attitude and behavior towards you.

The one whom you share might have their own agenda.

This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.

In general it is no practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.

In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axe to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!

It is often thought one is expected to share everything with those whom they Love.

Incorrect.

Unselfish, Altruistic Love is Utopian, not practical.

In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.

Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.

Therefore their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.

So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.

But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.

The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.

I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)

Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.

This dos not mean you do not love.

The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion is childish.

Love is about caring, that’s all.

This requires a more healthy and mature Attitude than sharing.

Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.

Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?

Some references and discussions.


I came across an article on this and noticed this discussion in some forums.

Spouse is the Best Friend
Spouse is the Best Friend?

It is often assumed that you can share everything with your friend without any reservation.

Fact is that the one whom you can share without reservations is your best friend  and not the other way.

When you share something with some one you should not be apprehensive about the fall out or the consequences of divulging such information.

One has to be wary of the fact that it might change their attitude and behavior towards you.

The one whom you share might have their own agenda.

This is likely to complicate relations with them further because you are not sure whether their advice or opinions are colored and biased in their favor.

In general, it is not practical to share everything with relatives, wife/husband included for the reasons mentioned above.

In the case of a friend it is different for they have no axes to grind nor are they interested in using your information or in some cases,You!

It is often thought one is expected to share everything with  those whom they Love.

Incorrect.

Unselfish, Altruistic  Love is Utopian, not practical.

In any relationship there is always an element of expectation.

Moreover one loves some one for certain qualities and not for all the qualities one possesses.

Therefore ,their perceptions need not concur with others and they never will.

So the question of sharing is fraught with complication with relatives.

But as I said earlier it is not so with friends.

The problem is that such friends are rare to come by.

I am fortunate to have such a friend(read my post on Friendship)

Coming to the issue of sharing with Spouse,it is very dicey and often leads to complications.

This does not mean you do not love.

The conception that Love is complete only when you share, in my opinion, is childish.

Love is about caring, that’s all.

This requires a more healthy and mature  Attitude than sharing.

Yet the question of sharing between Man and Woman always, though unspoken, has sexual implications.

Platonic Love is for Plato_Did he have a happy married Life?

Some references and discussions.

*There are exceptions,

For most people, their spouse is the person they see the most on any given day. From the moment they wake up in the morning to the moment they go to sleep at night, it’s their spouse who hears all of their thoughts and ideas, who listens to their observations on the day, and who does it all over again the next. But does that make their spouse their best friend?

The other night over dinner, this question came up with some girlfriends of mine. They are lucky enough to have the lifelong friends some of us can only dream about. Friends who have known them since they were 4, nursed them through high school breakups and junior high drama. Friends who know their family dynamics better than their cousins and stood beside them at their wedding, tearing up and smiling for the camera.

So who is our “best friend”? For me, it’s my husband. Hands down. I have other people I adore and feel close to, but no one knows my innermost everything like my husband. Then again, I am lucky in that I have known him since I was 10 and he DID know my family … So maybe it’s different if you meet in your late 20s or 30s.

We asked around and polled 14 women to ask their opinions and got a varied amount of amazing responses. Here are some:

1.) “When asked who my BFF is, I never think to respond my husband, but if I think about what one means, then yes, he is. That said, he’s NOT my favorite person to do everything with, and there are some things I’d rather do/issues I’d rather discuss with my BFF than him.”

2.) “No one knows me like the friend I grew up with. She was my neighbor, she knew my parents when they were alive and she knew them well. I love my husband, but no one could ever know me like her.”

3.) “I’m closer with him than anyone, feel most comfortable around him, have so much fun with him, and know I can count on him more than anyone else. However, that said, there are some things he just doesn’t get that my girl ‘best friend’ does — especially when it comes to being a mom and how much we put into it!”

4.) “My husband is my best friend. As for why — he’s funny, he’s good company, he likes many of the same things I do, and he’s been my partner through thick and thin for over 13 years.”

5.) “Yes, he is. We went into this as best friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have other best friends, but he’s number one.”

6.) “Without a doubt, my husband is my best friend. Still, I’m proud to have several other friends that are very close behind. But we don’t have sex so …?”

7.) “I have a best friend that isn’t my husband. Obviously, my husband and I know each other like only we could know. We support one another emotionally, we have great conversations and so much fun together. We are raising kids and sharing a house together and I couldn’t imagine doing it with another human being, but my best friend is someone who I have known forever, we have shared more with each other than any other. Both experiences and secrets. We have shared hilarious times, sad times, great times, and horrendous times together and I honestly would not be where I am today without her love, advice, and guidance.”

8.) “My husband and I are probably totally co-dependent in that we do everything together (even grocery shop). He is my foil, the shoulder I can lean on when I am down, and the person who has my back all the time. Sometimes I feel bad for not having that one woman who is my soul sister BFF, but then I think about my marriage and how LUCKY we are. I am so thankful that I have this man I want to talk to all night and rip off his clothes at the same time. Even after a decade of marriage. So yeah, he’s my best friend with a million benefits, to boot.”

http://askville.amazon.com/husband-friend/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=89360982

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/159547/does_your_husband_have_to

I think declaring that your husband is your best friend is very trendy these days. With that said, I am sure many of you consider your husband to be your best friend. However when I married 43 years ago I loved and still love my husband dearly. However, he is NOT my best friend. Why ? Because who do you talk to when your husband pisses you off ? Not him….its your best friend, who in my case happens to be a girl who understands me so much better than my husband.

Do Not Think But Feel For Others

One of the disadvantages of being the head of the Family is the task of offering Advice.

Some times your advice may not be needed on an issue.

One does not know whether the information conveyed to you is for information, advice or for approval.

Some times it is for information.

In such cases if you offer advice, it is plain ignored , or worse you are told it is not required.

On that score if you keep quiet on other occasions, you are told that you are not involved.

You have a Hobson’s’ Choice.

In either case, you will be blamed.

It is safe, in the interest of the family, offer Advice with no great hope of being paid heed to.

In this case,if people do follow it is good; if not’ you do not get hurt because you did not expect to be heard.

Another scenario is expressing one’s feelings.

It is recommended that you express your feelings to


One of the disadvantages of being the head of the Family is the task of offering Advice.

Emoticons
Emoticons

Some times your advice may not be needed on an issue.

One does not know whether the information conveyed to you is for information, advice or for approval.

Some times it is for information.

In such cases if you offer advice, it is plain ignored , or worse you are told it is not required.

On that score if you keep quiet  on other occasions, you are told that you are not involved.

You have a Hobson’s’ Choice.

In either case, you will be blamed.

It is safe, in the interest of the family, offer Advice with no great hope of being paid heed to.

In this case,if people do follow it is good; if not’ you do not get hurt because you did not expect to be heard.

Another  scenario  is expressing one’s feelings.

It is recommended that you express your feelings to others.

It so happens that I am brought up in an environment where not much of expression of emotion was encouraged and the examples were set my Father and other menfolk.

My father was of such a disposition, that when his father died, the body was in laid out in the Hall of the house in the Hindu manner, and there was my father reclining , apparently non nonchalantly  in an armed chair rocking gently.

I was about 15 then.

I asked him as to why he did  not cry for his father’s death.

He replied,

‘If some one can guarantee that my father will come back alive if I cry, I shall.

No amount of tears will bring him back.

So why cry?

On another occasion when my other was lying in bed seriously afflicted with Cancer, I was half asleep around by 100 am.

My father woke me up gently and told me,

‘Your Mother is dead, now go to sleep’

I was shocked.

it is a different matter that my father who was nearly 110  kgs came down to bout 70 kgs in a matter of six months after my mother’ death.

In another instance, when my father heard the news of my first wife’s death from me, he  did not react; he stood numb and promptly lost his power of hearing.

Not that he did not feel, only that he did not find it necessary to express his anguish or feelings as, in his opinion, it is unnecessary.

For him , his feelings are best with in himself.

He did not seek other’s approval of his Love for others such out ward expressions.

Before his death he told me ,

‘Some times, I think it is necessary that you let the others know what you  feel to make them feel good.

There is nothing wrong, now I realize.

Ensure that your emotions are genuine , not artificial .

True.

I am guilty of the same failing.

Well it is difficult to change at my age.

To be happy and make others happy, it is necessary to express one’s feelings.

And avoid thinking for them, including offering advice.

Now we seem to be doing the reverse,

Thinking for other,not  expressing the feelings for them.

Better change it,

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