Parenting

Elder Abuse By Children Facebook Discussion.


Recently I shared a few of my posts on Elderly abuse by their children to Facebook Communities of which I am a member.

This is the Post.

Senior citizen abuse.

Children Leave parents at Old Age Homes

https://ramanan50.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/parents-in-elderly-home-children-to-be-shamed/

I was happy and sad at the same time .

Happy because the post generated a lot of discussion with members speaking out with out inhibition.

Sad because it revealed to me the malaise that is eating our Society.

Though the views of the communities need not reflect the views of all the other Communities in general, this particular community views are taken as a model for others despite their bashing this Community.

During the course of the discussions I came across views, which I will sum up as it would be unethical to post them direct here.

1.All agree that there is this problem of leaving the elderly in Old Age Homes

.2.The elderly also prefer it.

3.This, from the trend and profiles I could gleam, seems to be from NRI .( parents of NRIs and the parents themselves)

4.It is my impression that there seems to be communication disconnect between the Parents and the Children.

5.Children do want to keep them at Home.

6.Sad was a comment the children is ‘an Insurance for parents’ posted by a Parent.

7.Equally appalling was a comment that “Parents are incorrigible and make the Life of Children Hell”

I have posted my views in the group discussion.

Then there was a question of Duty of Sons (No body spoke about daughters!)

The point is that where was this problem, say 40 years ago?

Agreed that we had differences at Homes with parents with us, we never thought that ‘they were living with us’ rather’ we were living in a Home’

Tiffs are always sorted out,

Then why so now?

1.People have gone after monetary values alone.

Parents want their sons to go abroad , especially the US for Higher Studies and Jobs.

When they get a Green Card, the parents feel that they own the world.

Forgetting that the values and the standard of Living shall make sure that they do not return.

If you have sent your child abroad you should be prepared for it.

Alternately, you should stay with them there.

If you a can not stay because you  want to come to your Native place,  then you have no other  option but to stay here alone or in an Old Age Home.

You can not blame the children for it.

Not that you need not send your children abroad, but only that you should have the maturity to handle the consequences.

2.Interfering in Grown up children’s day-to-day affairs.

Many elderly do resort to this as a sign of showing their control of the Household.

It produces the opposite reaction.

You have run the family for nearly 30 t0 40 years and you have taught , or you thought you had taught your children to face Life,.

Why not leave them be?

What could they do?

They might make mistakes. like you and I ( should this be ‘Me’) have made when we were young, or for that matter even now.

Why not admit that the younger generation may be, in fact, is more intelligent in handling practical Life than we did?

Let them run the family the way they want.

If you have brought them up well and proper they would have the basic Morals alright.

That would do.

Not the silly expectation of them coming to you and submitting their account and informing you where they are gong and what they are doing.

We have run our Race,

Let the Relay race run.If you run along  the relay runner, you Team, The Family, will lose.

Elders need to handle this with maturity.

2.For Children.

Parents are not your enemies.

They say and do hings for you, they may not know to how to go about saying or doing it.

Do not suspect their Love or their concern for you.

They are not Incorrigible.

These incorrigible idiots made you into what you are to-day, even enabling you to speak this way.

The value of parents will be known when they are no more.

Only Parents love you for what You are.-with all your warts.

Others for What You have.

PS.I have not touched the actual Physical and mental abuse of Parents here.

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lifestyle

South Marrying a North Indian Girl


I have remarked elsewhere in my posts about some of my relatives getting married to North Indian Girls.

This post is about how compatibles the families were and after before the marriage .

North marries South

Tying Managl Sutra Thaali, South Marraige

A look into the actual apprehensions , misapprehensions as well.

One boy got married to a Kashmiri Girl and another a Punjabi.

Lest people may think I am generalizing about all the communities, Let me say that both the girls were Brahmins.

Different perspective may be required for opinions on marrying a North Indian and from another community.

Under this category , I have a cousin of mine who got married to a girl from Bengal from another community and the marriage is not what it should be.

However in the present cases there were identical initial objections that normally come in the case of Love marriages that arise even while marrying within the Community.

Wedding North Indian Style

North Indian Wedding

“We do not know the family

“We do not know their background”

In the case of marrying to a North Indian the major objection from South Indians  is that North Indian Brahmin Culture is different, they are too easy going to adapt to South Indian family vales, they spend too much, and they take unnecessary risks in Life and career.

All the problems were present in the marriages I have mentioned.

And another observation from the South is that the Girl’s side may not agree to South Indian Style of marriage and this the South considers as a sacrilege.

Whatever be the divide between the North and the South , they are united in this objection!

( Let me add, many will consider me as a heretic, that by looking at some of the South Indian marriages being conducted, I feel that it is better to have a registered marriage, for to such level  marriage as  religious ceremony has descended to with everything being done at the convenience of the people and for Pomp)

The major difference between the North and South Indian marriages are the performance of Marriage in the evening and the non use of Thaali in many North Indian marriages.

The North Indian marriage has Kanyadhaan, Panigrahan and Sapthapathi.

Technically this is the correct Vedic marriage procedure.

Thaali is a concept taken by Aapasthamba, while composing the Aapasthamba Sutra for people living south of the Vindhyas.

Please read my post on this.

So the objection on these grounds seem to be trivial.

Another difficulty faced by the Boys’ parents is that they are used to demanding money from the Bride’s side during the Marriage while in the North Indian marriages(at least in Punjabi and Kashmiri at least) the Boys’ parents are made to shell out for the bride in the form of  more jewellery and gifts to her relatives.

But once these initial hiccups are over, the parents of both he children have become very close and each tries to accommodate the other!

The level of looking after the guests is some thing seen to be believed.

And , irrespective of family misunderstandings, (which family does not have), the relatives rally around and take a personal interest, not delegating things to Agencies, even though they have arranged things through the Agencies.

And I have found the girls, though they are  very well employed and hail from well to do families, to be very respectful, easy-going and at ease  with the new-found relatives.

Though I am not related to these boys closely they often call me up for no specific reason but to chat and enquire about my family and they in general are good.

But this depends on how one interacts with them.

If you keep to your own without interfering into their affairs, which we have no business to, and offer advice when sought for, every thing is fine.

Other wise, things might go awry as with modern girls

.Considering  some case of married South Indian Girls, the North seems to better.

Do not take cudgels for this view as this is my experience and my conviction is that a North Indian Girl would do nicely for a South Indian Boy.

The other sides, that of the North Indian Girl’s point of view and the experience of a South Indian Girl marrying to a North Indian Boy, I do not know.

* The Couples seem to be happy.

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Parenting, Tamils

The Courtyard Of Moon


 

Moon is used in world literature as an allusion,allegory simile to express various emotions.

Courtyard of Moon.

Moon Shining Courtyard of Moon.

The practice of using the concept Moon as a part of Life goes to the Tamils.

There is no Poet who has not sung about Moon right from the Classical  Age of the Sangam till the present day.

It is also the part of Indian life to show Moon and feed the child.

Usually a song is sung inviting The Moon to play with the child.

This has been such an expected custom that a special grammar has been created to accommodate this activity.

In Pillai Thamizh, The Tamil of The child, various stages of the child’s growth has been explained and suitable songs were sung.

Those who know Tamil, enjoy this song, Thiuvoimozhi of Periyazhvar sung in praise of Lord Krishna asking Him to sleep while making Him sleep in a Cradle.

The celebration of the Moon is not restricted children.

Moon is used to express Love,Pangs of separation and even pathos.

I am proving some songs towards the close of the Post.

It is the practice, as the child grows up, to have the family sit around in the Pial( a reclining slab at the entrance of the House) have the food made into  a Ball , place in the Palm of the family members.

This is/was widely practiced.

I used it to do this for my children till they were in the Ninth or tenth standard.

The taste and the camaraderie one feels as a Unit is incomparable.

Children eat more than what they usually consume.

Tamils have taken this a step further,

In ancient days, Homes had a special area built, normally in the first floor and the Kings used to build a Floor for this purpose , enjoy the Moon and take food.

This place is called the Courtyard of Moon.’Nila Mutram’.

There is also the practice of eating under the Moon with the family on the Full Moon Day of the Chaitra,Chiththitrai Month , The Full Moon Day of April.

Special festival is celebrated on this day and this is special in Madurai, Chitra Pournami

Such simple pleasures do not cost you nor do they harm children.

We seem to be losing them.

Some Old movie songs on Moon.

 

 

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lifestyle

Desire Avarice Jealousy Lifestyle.


I am hurt.

I am unhappy.

These are the most heard from people.

This is also reported  to be cause of Stress.

People  attribute this to the changed Lifestyle and a host of other factors, like work pressure,peer Pressure.

But there are more fundamental issues involved.

One is regarding our-self.

Another is how we behave with others.

Regarding the first point, our attitude of Comparing ourselves starts in childhood.

Parents would like children to be what they have failed to be and force them into doing what they may not prefer.

Parents compare their children with other children and force the children.

Then comes the way of behaving.

They are taught what the others follow and this even in matters of Food and dressing.

There is a fine line between good behaviour and aping others, especially the West.

Then Education.

We study what guarantees high income, without bothering whether one has the aptitude or attitude for it.

Lifestyle again.

We acquire , not things we need, but what we think others will be envious about.

That’s the point.

We allow ourselves to be conditioned by the others.

Why?

Because we want to be what they are.

Bottom line of this, we are jealous of them.

But this remains hidden in our heart.

Jealousy, trying to become what we are not and our striving t be like them is the cause for our ills.

This is what we should avoid.

Closely connected to this is our desire , avarice.

We fail to distinguish between Wants and Needs.

Blind desire blurs the line between the two.

Desires are fine.

We should be able to channelized desires, not allow desires to direct our lives, or Desire is impulsive and does not envisage the future problems arising out of satisfying the desires.

If we can avoid Jealousy and Desire, avarice, quality of our Lives would improve.

 

 

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consumer forum

Warranty For Interior Decoration Carpentry


Many of us, after spending a lot money on purchasing a New House, entrust the carpentry work/Interior Decorations to some carpenters or some people styling as Interior decorators.

We do not enter into any Warranty.

The Carpenter, Interior decorators tell you that the raw material they have used is the best and the Wood will last for Ten years, other things like door handles, Fittings will last Five Years.

There seems to be no format available.

 

I am providing a Format, which may be customized.

 

This may be cross checked with your lawyer.

 

Stamp paper of Rs 25 will do.

 

But gentlemen do not need agreements, but others can  break it at will, whatever the Clauses!

 

 

 

Warranty.

This Agreement of Warranty is executed between,

……., S/o ……., Aged  years , residing at  …………………………………….                      ,hereinafter called Party of the First Part,

And

Mr./M/s ………S/o , engaged in the business of Interior work/decoration of Homes.’ Residing/located at,……………………………………………

Hereinafter called Party of the Second Part,

Whereas party of the Second Part approached party of the First Part to do Interior decoration, Carpentry work of the residence of party of the First Part, described in detail in the annexure and  Party of the First Part having agreed to give him the Work for a consideration of Rupees  /- ( …….. ) as per specifications of the Party of the First Part,

And the Party of the Second Part, having completed the work  and Party of the Second Part , having paid the agreed consideration of Rupees…….,in full, to Party of the First part

Now enter into an Agreement of Warranty on the Following terms and conditions.

1. Party of the Second part shall replace without any cost, damaged, defective wood used in the work done at the property of the party of the First Part, for period of Ten Years.

2. Cost here includes the cost of replacement of such wood that might need replacement and the labour cost involved in carrying out this work.

3.This replacement of parts used in the work such as Doors, Handles, Faucets ,Door Knobs, Latches, Hinges, Padlocks, springs  and this warranty for these items will be for a Period of Five Years, bells, shelves, screws, hangers, hydraulic equipment, fixtures and kitchen baskets.

4. This Warranty includes ,

4. During such period, the Party of the Second Part shall replace, without any cost, the defective, malfunctioning components, items, to the Party of The First Part.

5. Here Cost denotes cost of the material replaced and the labour charges involved therein.

6.In such an event the party of the Second Part , not being able to fulfil this Warranty, Party of the Second Part, shall pay to party of the Second Part ,a sum equivalent to the cost of the material/s to be replaced and the labour charges involved in repairing/installing the same.

7.The Cost ,in such cases, will be determined by the party of the First part , at market rates, including labour and party of the Second Part shall ay the Party of the  First Part the amount on the claim made by Party of the First Party prior to replacing, reinstalling of such components, products .

8. Limitations.

Limitations: Materials/Components

Laminates, Veneers / Finishes / Hardwoods – 10 years

Electrical lamps, Ballasts, Transformers – 5 years

Fabrics, pneumatic lifts, foam – 5 years

Custom products built to customer specifications – 5 years

Seating foam padding – 5 years

Seating metal accents glides – 10 years

Seating wood frame – 10 years

Seating High Use Items – 5 years

(High Use Items include, but are not limited to, table arms, electrical components, ganging mechanisms, pneumatic lifts, and polymer based components)

9. The Warranty will come into Force effective September 1(First of September), 2013.

10. Any dispute arising out of this agreement is subject to ………….Jurisdiction.

11. Parties of the   First Part and the Second Part hereby affirm the aforesaid agreement and sign this Agreement,

Dated , …….,……,….

Annexure.

 

Party of the First Part.                                                                                                                                                                                    Party of the Second Part.

(                                       )                                                                                                                                                                                           (                                                )

Witnesses.

 

1.Name and Address.                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Signature

2.

.

Place.

Date.

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