I have remarked elsewhere in my posts about some of my relatives getting married to North Indian Girls.
This post is about how compatibles the families were and after before the marriage .
A look into the actual apprehensions , misapprehensions as well.
One boy got married to a Kashmiri Girl and another a Punjabi.
Lest people may think I am generalizing about all the communities, Let me say that both the girls were Brahmins.
Different perspective may be required for opinions on marrying a North Indian and from another community.
Under this category , I have a cousin of mine who got married to a girl from Bengal from another community and the marriage is not what it should be.
However in the present cases there were identical initial objections that normally come in the case of Love marriages that arise even while marrying within the Community.
“We do not know the family”
“We do not know their background”
In the case of marrying to a North Indian the major objection from South Indians is that North Indian Brahmin Culture is different, they are too easy going to adapt to South Indian family vales, they spend too much, and they take unnecessary risks in Life and career.
All the problems were present in the marriages I have mentioned.
And another observation from the South is that the Girl’s side may not agree to South Indian Style of marriage and this the South considers as a sacrilege.
Whatever be the divide between the North and the South , they are united in this objection!
( Let me add, many will consider me as a heretic, that by looking at some of the South Indian marriages being conducted, I feel that it is better to have a registered marriage, for to such level marriage as religious ceremony has descended to with everything being done at the convenience of the people and for Pomp)
The major difference between the North and South Indian marriages are the performance of Marriage in the evening and the non use of Thaali in many North Indian marriages.
The North Indian marriage has Kanyadhaan, Panigrahan and Sapthapathi.
Technically this is the correct Vedic marriage procedure.
Thaali is a concept taken by Aapasthamba, while composing the Aapasthamba Sutra for people living south of the Vindhyas.
Please read my post on this.
So the objection on these grounds seem to be trivial.
Another difficulty faced by the Boys’ parents is that they are used to demanding money from the Bride’s side during the Marriage while in the North Indian marriages(at least in Punjabi and Kashmiri at least) the Boys’ parents are made to shell out for the bride in the form of more jewellery and gifts to her relatives.
But once these initial hiccups are over, the parents of both he children have become very close and each tries to accommodate the other!
The level of looking after the guests is some thing seen to be believed.
And , irrespective of family misunderstandings, (which family does not have), the relatives rally around and take a personal interest, not delegating things to Agencies, even though they have arranged things through the Agencies.
And I have found the girls, though they are very well employed and hail from well to do families, to be very respectful, easy-going and at ease with the new-found relatives.
Though I am not related to these boys closely they often call me up for no specific reason but to chat and enquire about my family and they in general are good.
But this depends on how one interacts with them.
If you keep to your own without interfering into their affairs, which we have no business to, and offer advice when sought for, every thing is fine.
Other wise, things might go awry as with modern girls
.Considering some case of married South Indian Girls, the North seems to better.
Do not take cudgels for this view as this is my experience and my conviction is that a North Indian Girl would do nicely for a South Indian Boy.
The other sides, that of the North Indian Girl’s point of view and the experience of a South Indian Girl marrying to a North Indian Boy, I do not know.
* The Couples seem to be happy.