Parents Complaints To Children

There comes a stage when the parents start complaining to their children about each other, instead of children complaining about siblings.


Either the wife or the husband complains to the daughter or son.


This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not.



Recently I had a call on this from a son, settled abroad,on this.


He was worried about this.


Each of the parents have complained about the other.


The Boy wanted to solve the issue


The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.


He told me he wanted to talk to them separately and set the things right.


He sought my advise.


My answer was to do nothing of the sort.


Any marital relationship is bound have disagreements.


One is dissatisfied with the other.


Matured ones know to leave the disagreements and proceed as if nothing has happened, provided the grouse is not about genuine harassment or involving adultery.


But as one grows old,th children grown up, the parents seek solace in their children.


They do not wish to let  their affairs known to outside the family.


They need an out let to share their feelings.


That’s all and nothing more even though they may not admit it.


Talking to grown up children who are understanding enough reduces tension and gives a feeling that there is someone who listens to problems sympathetically and consoles.


What the children need to do is to  listen to the issue or complaints as one would to a close friend and emphasize with them, with out making an adverse comment about the other parent.


Talk to them,console them and assure them that you shall talk to the other party and resolve.


But do not talk to the other party on this.


This approach, I have seen, has helped a lot of people.


These things shall pass in Life.


Most of the complications in Life arise out of the mistaken notion that all problems can be solved by active participation.


And undue importance given to regular natural incidents.


One should be mature enough to understand what a serious problem is.


Some of these quick fixes for imagined problems arise out of blindly following western thought s about solving problems.


In most cases the cure turns out worse than the disease.




Incidents Experience Impressions Life

On reflection I find some thing in Life to be curious and puzzling.


Recently I went to meet two class mates of mine who studied with me from class 1 to SSLC  (+2 Now)


One is a Man and another is a lady.



He studied with me till I we completed the SSLC and she studied with us till Fourth standard.


Later she went Girls’ section in our school.


Those who are in touch with school friends, especially with whom they have bonded from early childhood will know the special bond with them despite time and distance, when they meet with.


Of course we have been in touch with each other for the past six years in Bangalore.


There was a heated argument between my friends as to till which class we studied together.


She declared that we studied together till 4 standard and my other friend claimed that we did not study in the same class/section at all.


The argument heated up and my friend’s’ husband joined the discussion and confirmed we studied together in the same class till fourth standard.


He also studied in the same school and three years senior to us.


They wanted me to mediate as I am reputed to have a good memory.


I told them,


” I can remember that we studied together till 4 class and boys were shifted to another section.


The confusing thing is that I remember my friend’s (woman in discussion) face and another girl, whose face I can not recollect(?), but know she was good-looking(!)”


This post is not about what went on with us friends on this issue.


But what happens to us and our Life’s experiences over a period of time.


I remember some one to be pretty without recollecting her face( my friend gave her name).


Similarly I remember some of the most painful moments in my Life like my mother’s death, first wife’s death,death of my brother’s grand child in its mother’s hand, which I took away from her hands to prevent my brother’s daughter feeling sad about the fact the child had died in her hands;


I recall my most pleasant moments in my career but not the worst problems.


Even the pain I recall has dimmed but at times I am overtaken by it.


But one thing is clear.


My reaction to these issues, now, is not very passionate .


They pass through my mind’s eye as  fleeting images.


I am not affected by them.


What is an incident becomes an experience when we react.


We become passionate, disturbed,anxious and worry so much as if Life would end there.


It does not seem to be so.


What has been an experience becomes nothing more than a fading memory.


I do not get involved, though some of these incidents appeared ,at that time, to affect my life radically.


On hindsight it does not seem so mentally.


Another curious fact is that most insignificant things get recalled but not what I thought was very important.


Like a game played on the street in childhood, a meal with a stranger in a Train, the hotel where I stayed in a town…..


Is Life all but a series of fleeting impressions?


Seems so, to me.


I shall be posing on what Hinduism and Buddhism say on this at the philosophical level.



Decisions Are They Rational Emotional

With so much talk about Decision Making and specialists (?) who advise and conduct seminars , I though about this a bit.



An infant looks to its Mother for any support.


Infants just follow you right from stepping aside to walking, eating.


It decides to follow some of your mannerism(those with whom it spends most of its time).


Till some time.


One falls in Love.


And one does not like somebody.


One likes some things in Life, be it food or dress.


We take decisions , in these cases without knowing the reasons.


Most of the time in Life we react, are not proactive.


We become proactive when we are not personally involved.


When there are multiple choices available for a problem, most of the time, we are aware of only some alternatives, not all of them.


That is why the persons who speak about decision-making state carefully  one should take decisions with the available data.


The fact that the choice themselves are limited ensures that the decisions you  take are not totally free.


Please read my post ‘Choice’


There is this aspect of gut instinct.


Decision based on this normally does not disappoint you.


How and Why?


I have noticed decision-making in personal lives.


You like to buy a car, love a girl or Boy,want to go abroad.



In the last one,here is some deliberation.


In all others, you have already decided to your course of action.


But you want to justify it , to others as much as to yourself.


Reasoning, to me seems to be, an explanation not the Cause.


Lord Krishna explains this Gunathraya Vibhagayoga in Bhagavad Gita Chapter 14.


On hind sight I wish I could have taken them.

The cost?

I do not know.

But what forced me to choose one in place of another, may be circumstances, but still?

I had chosen what I thought I liked.

In retrospect, I find it could have been otherwise.

May be after couple of years  or even a days later I might find my present choice mentioned here are incorrect!”



We Express Better Than We Know Why

Recently my close friend told me of some of his observations on what they speak about subjects, at time, in detail to the astonishment of others, including the Speaker.

He added further.


Kannadasan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Couple of years back some one asked me a question on Hinduism, especially about Advaita.

You know that I do not know much about it.

But I spoke for about twenty minutes in detail and every one was surprised.

Funny thing is I was astonished myself.

Even to-day I do not know how I spoke.

Today I can not speak a ew lines about my self.

How and why?

Coming to the present, on some mornings (around 5am), when I do not get sleep , I get a lot of ideas which I am sure are quite novel and I am sure I do not know the subject nor have I read anything on the subject before.

Can you tell me why?”

He is not a very pious a man but has religious orientation like most of us.

I had given a serious thought about this.

I have seen these instances in many people including me.

Many times I have spoken on subjects in detail with authentic references  though I had not prepared on the subject.

I have also noticed , when I lecture on a subject, I normally prepare thoroughly.

But when I reach the Podium, I deviate from the prepared points(which I keep in mind, never in on paper as this distracts me), I speak fluently better than I had prepared.

Come to think of it, great compositions happen this way.

( I am not comparing myself with any of these)

Greatest lines in literature (in my view).

Age can not wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety,

Other women cloy the appetites they feed,

She makes most hungry where she most satisfies’ – Shakespeare in Antony and Cleopatra.

Or Kalidasa in Kumara Sambhavam.

Vagarthadaiva samprktau vagarthaa pratipattaye
Jagatah pitarau vande Parvati Parameshwehvarau

” In order to achieve the comprehension of word and meaning, I salute
the parents of the universe, Parvati AND Parameshwara, who are
inseperable like word and its meaning.

Or Abhirami Bhattar in Abhirami Andhadi.

அன்றே தடுத்து என்னை ஆண்டுகொண்டாய், கொண்டது அல்ல என்கை
நன்றே உனக்கு? இனி நான் என் செயினும் நடுக்கடலுள்
சென்றே விழினும், கரையேற்றுகை நின் திருவுளமோ.-
ஒன்றே, பல உருவே, அருவே, என் உமையவளே.

Gist of this is that, Abhirami,whatever I do and whatever might happen to me, even if I am stranded in the midst of Ocean, It is your job to save me”

This can be enjoyed only in the original.

Or some of the lines of Kannadasan in Tamil Films.

Kannukku Kulam Ethu,

Kangal Enge,

Ponal Pogattum Poda,

Mayakkama Kalakkama.

I  can go on adding to the list.

I shall post on the Poems I have enjoyed in Tamil and Sanskrit.

When I asked Poet Kannadasan  whether  he can produce some of the great lines he had penned again, he  replied


He said he wrote as the mood set in and he can not even remember how he got around to producing these lines .


Psychologists  try to explain these things in a lot of ways.

I am qualified in Psychology and the explanations and theories are labored and unconvincing.

To me it seems that certain things are expected to be expressed at a certain time by certain people.

And we happen to be the instruments.

My friend agrees.

Do you?

Image Credit.


Corporate Employee, Use and Throw.

You start with five-figure salary, in some cases, six figures.


You are provided with free lunch vouchers.



You have subsidized canteen.


You get a cab to pick you up near your residence or in some cases from your residence.


You get Bonus, stock options.


You get free parties at company’s expense.


You get medical coverage, your Phone, Mobile Charges are reimbursed/subsidized.


You get ow interest housing advance.


You are provided with recreation facilities at your work place.


Even a Creche!


You stand to go abroad.


You can work from Home.




Your working timings are not fixed.


Your lifestyle is determined by others.


You are on call  24 hours  a Day 365 days a Year.


You report to too many people.


You are an assembly line worker.


You have targets which have no rationale, which are determined only by the Profit the Project earns for the Company.


In the guise of Motivational lectures, you are not consulted about what you can and what must be done.


You agree to every thing because of only Money.


Targets are to be met, period.


You are as good as your last deadline.


You are kept in ‘bench’, in simple English the Company has no use for you for the present.


Neither the company nor you have any idea about your future.


You are rewarded, of course, when you deliver,


When you fail….


Unceremoniously kicked out.


No human sentiments even if some is dying.


No personal bonding, despite lectures and HRs.


Are you a sugarcane to be used fully and thrown out?


Are you a use and throw material?


PS. the writer was in Senior Management Positions in MNCs, knows what he is talking about.


I am pained at the sufferings of the Youngsters.


Pity is that they are no even aware they are selling their freedom.


Rate of Divorces and Suicides are high in IT.


Simple answer touted, ‘Stress’


Stressed by what?


Think and LIVE.