As if they no longer remain one on the other days!
Times of India and IMRB Survey Report.
Bangalore is safe, but not safe enough. At least, that seems to be what the majority of women living in the city believe, based on a study commissioned by The Times of India. The study, which is based on a survey of 900 women conducted by IMRB in six cities across the country, looked at various issues faced by women, beginning with safety, services available, gender issues at home and the workplace, health and financial issues. It shows that while women feel relatively safer in Bangalore compared to other cities, in absolute terms, opinions are divided. An overwhelming 64% of the city’s women said they do not feel safe in the city after sunset, and only 17% said they felt safe “at any time of the day.”
Some parts of the city are perceived to be less safe than others. TheMarathahalli Ring Road area, for instance, is perceived to be either “unsafe for women” or “very unsafe for women” by more than a third of those surveyed. “The stretch of Outer Ring Road between Marathahalli and Bellandur, where I live, is definitely underlit and possibly unsafe. The few times I’ve had to wait alone at Marathahalli junction for a bus or auto haven’t been pleasant,” says Ankita Sharma, who works in an HR firm in Brookefield and travels by public transport. Sharma says there are no street lights in this area and the operators of private vehicles soliciting passengers can get rude and hostile. “After the Delhi rape incident, I became especially wary of these private vehicles. I don’t know if any of them have proper licenses and whether the police keeps an eye on them,” she adds.
Other areas where women felt “unsafe” or “very unsafe” included Kengeri Road and the stretch between BEL Road and Vidyaranyapura. Even the morning stroll, so long a part of the Bangalorean’s day, seems to have become fraught. More than half the women (53%) IMRB spoke to felt unsafe during their morning walks. An increasing number of women feel so insecure that they have begun contemplating carrying a weapon – 42% of the respondents said that they “felt the need to carry a weapon/article of self-defence”
What is more shocking is the revelation by a Field worker of an NGO that the Elders are being killed in the Southern Districts of Tamil Nadu,India much in the manner of Infanticide where in tamil Nadu they resort to killing Female children by கள்ளிப்பால் the administering juice of Cactaceae.
The Elders are killed by giving them Tender coconut Water and splashing them with very cold water , this is called ‘water splashing,தண்ணி சாத்துதல் .
The other method seems to be by administering poison injection!
Having had a look at the Statistics, we might look at the problem
The problem as enumerated by the Elders.
The problem of Solitude.
One of the main causes for depression among the elderly is that their children do not spend much time with them even if they happen to live in with them.
Another grouse is that children have left for abroad to pursue their careers.
As one grows old whether it is your son or yourself your perspective and the equation of relationships undergo a subtle change.
Children have their own official pressure, financial commitment and they have their own wife and children to cope up with.
It is not fair to expect that the children behave and communicate with us the same way they have been with us after marriage.
Wish those who complain on these lines might ask themselves how they have been with their parents and if their parents were to be alive, they would be leveling the same charges against them.
As to children going abroad, the children have a whole life head of them and now thy they have opportunities to earn more by going abroad, which we did not get at our time.
So it is a question of one understanding what is good for the children at the economic front.
Do not for a moment imagine that the children do not think of these problems and are selfish.
In fact my son hesitated for even applying when an opportunity was awaiting. worrying as to how to leave me and my wife alone.
I advised him that at most I might live for about 10 or 15 more years , he has a future to look forward o and that i had been taking care of myself and my wife before he was born!
As to me being old I informed him that there are so many in the World without children and even if they have, for some reason or other could not live with them, all not because of abuse.
I also told him , in the final analysis,one has come alone, lives alone and leaves alone, as a matter of fact.
I think this seems to be a practical way of looking at the problem.
Some parents are not interested to live abroad because they feel they would miss our society and Country.
If you are not prepared to make any compromises at an old age, is it fair to expect youngsters to do so?
Best is to develop an interest in something other than sentimental attachment to Family and go about doing what you love doing but were unable to during your early years.
A gentle man stated that he has Sugar, had knee problem , he has been provided with TV,Laptop ,and all other facilities, and children respect him ‘ yet says he depressed because he has been asked by the Doctors and the family not to work!
What does one say to him?
Children do not respect.
I think there is point in this.
They tend to disrespect elders even when it is not warranted.
They should remember that they would also become old one day.
As to elders, do not offer advice or opinions and interfere in the daily running of the family.
We have been doing it for nearly 30-40 years!
Why not leave it to other and relax?
A bed-ridden 108-year-old woman was allegedly raped by her son’s friend at home in Jabalpur town when the rest of her family was out shopping on December 4. The crime was disclosed to HT on Friday by the president of the Jabalpur unit of the Mahila Congress after she took up the matter with Madhya Pradesh director general of police SK Rout in Bhopal.
The accused, Gopi Ahirwar, 45, a waiter in a hotel, lives in the same locality of Sita Pahad in Jabalpur cantonment and was a regular visitor to the victim’s home.
The victim, whose son is a daily wager, lives in the servant’s quarter of an army officer’s house. The victim’s granddaughter said, “As usual, we left the door open before leaving for the market that day as neighbours and relatives often visit our house to see my grandmother.”
I saw a Show on STAR Vijay TV Today which left me deeply disturbed.
A show hosted by Mr.Gopinath of ‘Neeya Naana‘ fame, ‘என் தேசம் ,என் மக்கள் ” –My Country, My People” in STAR Vijay bares some uncomfortable truths.
This programme is telecast on Sundays at 10 am where Social Issues are brought into focus.
Some of the earlier issues related to Husnband Wife Relationship, Medical Costs.
The present issue is the The Problems of the Elderly and The Aged.
There were three distinct Groups in this issue.
1.Those who were sent to Old Age Homes by the Wealthy sons and Daughters.
2.Those who had no body to turn to but economically independent.
3.Those who were economically downtrodden.
In the first category thee were two sub groups, one where the children were abroad and had no intention of returning to India and another where the children are in India and in some cases in the same city where the Elderly have been sent to.
I will be covering the issue in a couple of posts with Statistics.
What struck me first are the Statistics
.* Statistics in this Post are from HelpAge India.
I am also posting Statistics from Other sources.
Contrary to popular perception, the sons were the main cause for dumping( I deliberately use the Term) and the verbal abuse of parents, and not the Daughter’s in Law!
56 % of the parents were sent to Old Age Homes because os f sons and 23 % because of Daughters’ in Law.
Child sexual abuse is disturbingly common in homes, schools, and residential care facilities inIndia. A government-appointed committee set up after the New Delhi attack to recommend legal and policy reform has found that child protection schemes “have clearly failed to achieve their avowed objective.”
The 82-page report, “Breaking the Silence: Child Sexual Abuse in India,” examines how current government responses are falling short, both in protecting children from sexual abuse and treating victims. Many children are effectively mistreated a second time by traumatic medical examinations and by police and other authorities who do not want to hear or believe their accounts. Government efforts to tackle the problem, including new legislation to protect children from sexual abuse, will also fail unless protection mechanisms are properly implemented and the justice system reformed to ensure that abuse is reported and fully prosecuted, Human Rights Watch said..
There is a bland statement to the effect that the husband died and only narration dealing with monetary affairs.
As if a thought had struck that it might not look nice if nothing is spoken about the deceased husband a reference is made to the effect that there is no time for grieving.
I am yet to know that you need a separate time allocated and available for grieving.
Me. I lost my wife and Me 38 years ago and I have not slept normally at all for all these years , not withstanding that I have grand children.
I do not remember my wife for what she had done for me or what she would be doing for me if were alive to-day, but the pain of having been separated…well… one has to feel it to understand it.
I am called most unemotional by my children and one with a cold heart.
Be it as may,
I know there are issues to be tackled, especially economic.
And Life Goes On.
Yet to focus only on the economic aspects to the exclusion of the pangs of separation?
I do not know.
May I am a fool.
People who are dead and gone will not return.
But this attitude?
Is this all Marriage and bonding all about and is this about Valentine’s’ day?
May be this is practical way of Living?!
What I do know is that even animals forsake their food,especially Monkeys and Elephants , in some cases,die,if they lose their mate.
Are we so advanced not to react humanely?
Have become so obsessed with money to be sanitized from normal human emotions?
Is this Life?
Again I do not know.
I am old-fashioned.
I do not know how to say ‘I Love You’
Nor can I bring myself to say ‘I can not Live with out you’
That’s all I can Say on this story.
For those who know Tamil.
வீடு வரை உறவு வீதி வரை மனைவி …
‘ “கொண்டு வந்தால் தந்தை; கொண்டு வந்தாலும் வராவிட்டாலும் தாய், சீர் கொண்டு வந்தால் சகோதரி, கொலையும் செய்வாள் பத்தினி, உயிர் காப்பான் தோழன்” -தூக்கு தூக்கி ‘
பணத்தின் மீதுதான் பக்தி என்றபின் பந்த பாசமே ஏனடா -கண்ணதாசன் – பழனி
“Few things I learnt after my husband’s death:-
We always believe we will live forever. Bad things always happen to others.
Only when things hit us bang on your head you realise… Life is so unpredictable….
My husband was an IT guy.All Technical. And I am a chartered accountant.
Awesome combination you may think.
Techie guy so everything is on his laptop.His to do list.
His e-bill and his bank statements in his email. He even maintained a folder which said IMPWDS wherein he stored all log in id and passwords for all his online accounts.
And even his laptop had a password.
Techie guy so all the passwords were alpha-numeric with a special character not an easy one to crack.
Office policy said passwords needed to be changed every 30 days.
So every time I accessed his laptop I would realize it’s a new password again.
I would simply opt for asking him ‘What’s the latest password’ instead of taking the strain to memorize it.
You may think me being a Chartered Accountant would means everything is documented and filed properly.
Alas! many of my chartered accountant friends would agree that the precision we follow with our office documents and papers do not flow in to day to-day home life. At office you have been the epitome of Reliability / Competent / Diligent etc but.
At home front there is always a tomorrow.
One fine morning my hubby expired in a bike accident on his way home from office.
He was just 33.
His laptop with all his data crashed.everything on his hard disk wiped off.No folder of IMPWDS to refer back to
.His mobile with all the numbers on it was smashed.But that was just the beginning.
I realised I had a lot to learn.
9 years married to one of the best human beings.with no kids.just the two of us to fall back on.but now I stood all alone and lost.
Being chartered accountant helped in more ways than one but it was not enough.
I needed help.His saving bank accounts, his salary bank accounts had no nominee
.On his insurance his mom was the nominee and it was almost 2 years back she had expired. But this was just a start.
I didn’t know the password to his email account where all his e-bill came.
I didn’t know which expenses he paid by standing instructions.
His office front too was not easy. His department had changed recently.I didn’t know his reporting boss name to start with.when had he last claimed his shift allowance, his mobile reimbursement.
The house we bought with all the excitement on a loan thought with our joint salary we could afford the EMI.
When the home loans guys suggested insurance on the loan.we decided the instead of paying the premium the difference in the EMI on account of the insurance could be used pay towards prepayment of the loan and get the tenure down.
We never thought what we would do if we have to live on a single salary.So now there was huge EMI to look into .
I realised I was in for a long haul.
Road accident case.
For everything there were forms running into pages.indemnity bonds.notary.surety to stand up for you.
No objections certificates from your co-heirs.
I learnt other than your house, your land,
Your car, your bike are also your property.
So what if you are the joint owner of the flat.you don’t become the owner just because your hubby is no more.
So what if your hubby expired in the bike accident and you are the nominee but if the bike is in a repairable condition .you have to get the bike transferred in your name to claim the insurance.
And that was again not easy.
The bike or car cannot be transferred in your name without going through a set of legal documents.
Getting a Succession Certificate is another battle all together.
Then came the time you realise now you have to start changing all the bills, assets in your name.
Your gas connection, electricity meter, your own house, your car, your investments and all sundries.
And then change all the nominations where your own investments are concerned.
And again a start of a new set of paperwork.
To say I was shaken.my whole life had just turned upside down was an understatement.
You realise you don’t have time to mourn and grieve for the person with whom you spend the best years of your life
. Because you are busy sorting all the paper work.
I realised then how much I took life for granted
.I thought being a chartered accountant I am undergoing so many difficulties.what would have happened to someone who was house maker who wouldn’t understand this legal hotchpotch.
A sweet friend then told me dear this was not an end.you have no kids.your assets will be for all who stand to claim.after my hubby’s sudden death.I realised it was time I took life more seriously.
I now needed to make a Will.
I would have laughed if a few months back if he had asked me to make one
.But now life had taken a twist.
Lessons learnt this hard way were meant to be shared.
After all why should the people whom we love the most suffer after we are no more.
Sorting some paperwork before we go will at least ease some of their grief.
1. Check all your nominations…
It’s a usual practice to put a name (i.e in the first place if you have mentioned it) and royally forget about it. Most of us have named our parent as a nominee for investments, bank accounts opened before marriage. We have not changed the same even years after they are no longer there with us. Even your salary account usually has no nomination.. Kindly check all your Nominations.
– Bank Accounts
– Fixed Deposits, NSC
– Bank Lockers
– Demat Accounts
– Insurance (Life, Bike or Car or Property)
– PF Pension Forms
We have passwords for practically everything. Email accounts, Bank accounts, even for the laptop you use. What happens when your next in kin cannot access any of these simply because they do not know your password… Put it down on a paper.
Every year for tax purpose we do investments. Do we maintain an excel sheet about it. If so is it on the same laptop of which the password you had not shared. Where are those physical investments hard copy.
Make a Will. I know you will smile even I would.had I not gone through all what I did.It would have made my life lot easier.a lot less paperwork.I wouldn’t had to provide an indemnity bond, get it notarised, ask surety to stand up, no objections certificates from others…
When you take a loan say for your house or car.Check out on all the what ifs.what if I am not there tomorrow.what if I lose my job.Will the EMI still be within my range.If not get an insurance on the loan.The people left will not have to worry on something as basic as their own house.
My battles have just begun…But let us at least try to make few changes so that our loved ones would not suffer after we go.We do not know what will happen in the future.