Do Not Think But Feel For Others

One of the disadvantages of being the head of the Family is the task of offering Advice.


Some times your advice may not be needed on an issue.

One does not know whether the information conveyed to you is for information, advice or for approval.

Some times it is for information.

In such cases if you offer advice, it is plain ignored , or worse you are told it is not required.

On that score if you keep quiet  on other occasions, you are told that you are not involved.

You have a Hobson’s’ Choice.

In either case, you will be blamed.

It is safe, in the interest of the family, offer Advice with no great hope of being paid heed to.

In this case,if people do follow it is good; if not’ you do not get hurt because you did not expect to be heard.

Another  scenario  is expressing one’s feelings.

It is recommended that you express your feelings to others.

It so happens that I am brought up in an environment where not much of expression of emotion was encouraged and the examples were set my Father and other menfolk.

My father was of such a disposition, that when his father died, the body was in laid out in the Hall of the house in the Hindu manner, and there was my father reclining , apparently non nonchalantly  in an armed chair rocking gently.

I was about 15 then.

I asked him as to why he did  not cry for his father’s death.

He replied,

‘If some one can guarantee that my father will come back alive if I cry, I shall.

No amount of tears will bring him back.

So why cry?

On another occasion when my other was lying in bed seriously afflicted with Cancer, I was half asleep around by 100 am.

My father woke me up gently and told me,

‘Your Mother is dead, now go to sleep’

I was shocked.

it is a different matter that my father who was nearly 110  kgs came down to bout 70 kgs in a matter of six months after my mother’ death.

In another instance, when my father heard the news of my first wife’s death from me, he  did not react; he stood numb and promptly lost his power of hearing.

Not that he did not feel, only that he did not find it necessary to express his anguish or feelings as, in his opinion, it is unnecessary.

For him , his feelings are best with in himself.

He did not seek other’s approval of his Love for others such out ward expressions.

Before his death he told me ,

‘Some times, I think it is necessary that you let the others know what you  feel to make them feel good.

There is nothing wrong, now I realize.

Ensure that your emotions are genuine , not artificial .


I am guilty of the same failing.

Well it is difficult to change at my age.

To be happy and make others happy, it is necessary to express one’s feelings.

And avoid thinking for them, including offering advice.

Now we seem to be doing the reverse,

Thinking for other,not  expressing the feelings for them.

Better change it,


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s