Time For Brahmins To Change At Least in Marriages

Brahmin Wedding
Brahmin Wedding

Brahmins have been a closely knit community.

There are other communities which are more closely knit than the Brahmins, say, the Nattukkottai Nagarathar Community.

As I am a Brahmin by birth, a proud one for being so,I deem it fit to record some unpleasant facts, especially  regarding marriages, in our Community.

Some of my observations are likely to hurt but some one has to say them.

I am aware that I will be criticized very severely, for no body is a biter critic of a Brahmin than a fellow Brahmin, much in the same way as the Jews,


I searched for an alliance for my son for over three and half years before I got him married.

I had utilized all avenues from the traditional circulation of Horoscopes to registering in Matrimonial Sites,

There is a tendency among most of the parents, whose daughter’s are employed, and more so if they have only one daughter:

That of postponing the marriage of their daughters as long as possible.

The reasons they cite are,,

The girl does not want to marry now,

She needs to be independent for some time, earning well to enable her to stand on her feet,

The arguments are fallacious.

No Girl or Boy will come to their parents and declare that they want to marry and ask them to look for a suitable spouse.

They would be coy in admitting the fact that it is time for them to get married.

I am excluding those children who come and declare that they are in love with some one(normally with one from another caste: even this I attribute to the fact of parents delaying the marriage on one pretext or another.

As parents it is our responsibility to advise them the advantages of getting married at an early age, the reasons being,

a ) If you are looking for the Best looking woman or Man, remember that the opposite side also does the same and each has the privilege of rejecting.

b) You do not get any younger and it would be tougher to get a match as time marches on.

And taking  children’s views of not wanting to get married has few serious consequences for parents as well.

I know of a couple of cases, where the parents have stopped looking for alliances because  their children said so.

These parents, they are my close friends,took their children’s views seriously and stopped looking for a match.

Now the boys are past 35.
They have stopped speaking with their parents thought they stay in the same house and are alright in all other respects.

As i can closely mingle with the younger set as a friend, this is with my own children as well, I understood from them that they are cross that their parents have not finalised their marriages!

They are sore that their parents have taken their views seriously!

Now I am looking for alliances for them along with their parents.

Lesson- go about alliances notwithstanding your children’s objections and record them.

If they refuse, show them the records , that would keep them on their toes.

Another repulsive habit of parents of brides insisting that thee Bride groom must be in the city were the girls’ parents live!

The girls might agree to it for the time being , would regret later when they find they remain unmarried for  long.

Children have their lives to led, be it a Boy or Girl.

Another obnoxious habit is that some parents are reluctant to get their daughters married because they will lose their daughter’s salary!

This is a fact and I have , in two instances told the parents of the Girls if they want only money they should not have begotten children!

I may point out a curious fact.

Please check Tamil matrimony marriage site, find out how many girls’ profile have been uploaded by the Girls themselves/their friends as against the profiles uploaded by Parents.

You will find personal/friends uploads will be in the age group of over 27.

The reason is parents keep on refusing Alliances on some spurious ground or another and at the age of 27 or 28 the girl starts taking her life into their hands.

Avoid this and remember delaying the marriage of a Girl is a very serious Sin , Kanya Paapam that would affect your family for generations, not with standing Sumangali Prarthnais.

Another issue is refusing sub sect marriages.

Sub-sects are based on Geographical locations where the ancestors have lived, like Mythili Brahmins hailed from Mithila, Vadamas in Tamil Nadu were from the North of the River Cauvery.

Some times Brahmin sub-sects are derived from the duties they were adept at. Adigas in Cooking, Vaathimaas in Purohitam,Vajpayees,Somayajees in performing a particular. yaga or yagnya

Among Brahmins there is no division of States or Languages either.

We follow the Vedas, period.No differences.

Let me narrate an incident when I visited Sringeri  and had performed Biksha Vandana for His Holiness Sri Bharathi Theertha Swamigal of The Sringeri Mutt.

As me and my wife neared the Acharya, the man who normally stands by his side asked me,

‘neevu kannadadhvara, Are you from Karnataka?’

I replied,

‘I am  Brahmin’

The Acharya heard this and asked  me to explain .

I said,

‘ I am a Brahmin by birth, not by Knowledge, but still a Brahmin for my ancestors have been good Brahmins .

My Mother tongue is Tamil,

As a Brahmin my father tongue is Sanskrit.

Therefore, it does not matter for a Brahmin which State he belongs to because He is a Brahmin”

The Acharya called the man and said,

‘Yajnayopaveeda aaki barubavarathra eethara kelu beda,

Do not these questions of those who come here with Yagnyopaveeda”(Sacred Thread)

That’s it.

Do not look for same sects, State, Language.

A Brahmin will do.

I observe that people conduct reception before the wedding day.

This is wrong.

If some one of the pair dies after Reception before marriage, what is the status of either of them?

The habit of clapping of hands after Mangalya Dharana, it is prohibited.

The habit of shaking hands with the couple after Mangalya Dharana  before Aseervatha is a Taboo.

In Hinduism . the ‘Handing Over’ Panigrahana is Sacred and the hands of the couple are not to be touched by others till Aseervatha.

Some more thoughts might follow.

72 thoughts on “Time For Brahmins To Change At Least in Marriages

  1. Kasi yatra
    sumngali prarthana
    jana vasam
    malai mattal
    All these are unwanted and non vedic

    ZGet together’s lunch and dinner parties, cutting cakes lighting off candles by blowing, which part of culture are these?


  2. A girl who had shared her experiences about her alliance rejection only because her star was Ayilyam is very ridiculous and senseless. If this girl is willing, I am ready to marry her and live a very happy contented life with her.


  3. A person who has no sangeetha gnanam or could sing cant claim that music is waste. When we are unfit and dont have the capacity to understand the intricacies of our scientific aacharam and anushtanams how can you blady comment it has no sense. You dont have the sense to understand or research in depth.


  4. Women are not born to marry, cook, do household jobs and reproduce children. They have a long way to go ahead. Likewise, are they born to just study, go to employment, earn, eat, acquire assets and so?


  5. Again this idiot senselss is beating the bush and never has the brain to understand what is happening. No one is saying that girls should marry just for reproducing children. This sentence itself shows the arrogance. Dont other community girls holding a very high position in profession marry and follow thier culture. How many muslim women wear their tradtional padudha. Brahmin girls think about our tradition dress and culture so cheap and low. That is the problem. Women are respected very much in Hinduism and brahmin community and Sanatana dharma. Girls dont understand or even know about that and spoil their respect. Education and job is to acquire the necessities of life but girls are only focussed on earning money but dont know to enjoy their life. They neither follow the western culture nor the Indian tradition in every aspect like dressing, food habits, hygiene, cleanliness etc. Education and money has inculcated only arrogance and lethargicness in their mind and assassinated the moral values of life. They dont even have the basic class and decency to dress properly even on auspicious occasions and whwn visiting temples and holy places. There is no feminism in them. One brahmin slut girl has commented Brahmin guys are not fit for love marriage and they are bald headed and lack personality bla bla bla. How filthy and low breed she is? She had indirectly accepted the truth. It shows Brahmin girls dont like guys who are clean, dignified and well behaved and like only other community religion guys who eat non vegetarian and consume alcohol etc. Why cant these brahmin girls who are not willing to accept or understand the greatness of their own culture blady get converted to some other religion? Brahmin girls dont prefer even equality. They expect their spouse to be like a slave and listen dance to what all they order. Is this called freedom, individuality, and the education and corporate culture that had taught and influenced them? How rubbish and ridiculous? If a girl thinks for a moment about her own minority community and how it is diluted she would definitely start working towards the upliftment and progress of it. Brahmin girls might be educated but not qualified. The education system and their brought up has ruined the basic values of normal humanhood.


  6. Brahmin girls have become very arrogant, sex reluctant or characterless without any healthy habits and thinking. They dont have a clear thinking or understand what is life, relationship. moral values, and real happiness and family. They mix up everything together and loose their lives as well as others peace of mind. They dont have the maturity to bridge life and career. Brahmin girls mothers are most responsible for this and dont inculcate proper thoughts and habits in thir mind. It is because of brahmin girls the whole brahmin community is loosing its values.


    1. 100% I agree with you Mr. Satish. I am practically experiencing your views as we are on the look out for a life partner for my son who is 32 years now. Since 4 years we are searching till date no result. Each and every word narrated by you is absolute truth. One more reason by these Brahmin girls to add to your points, they want the boy to lead a separate family even though he is the only son and have his own house and other facilities. By staying separately only the boy could prove his responsibility towards the new family. Is it logic? Though we liked the girl and all other aspects were fine the last reason pronounced by the girl herself was really shocking. Nowadays the value of joint family and adjustment with elders are totally lost.


  7. Dear Sir – You have spoken very wisely. Even during my travels across India from Assam to Gujarat and from Uttar Pradesh to Mahabalipuram, I realized one truth – “Brahmin culture throughout India is essentially similar”.

    Outer forms might have changed -mother tongue, food habits etc may change – but the inner core is same. Sanskrit and Samskriti ties all Brahmins together.

    In earlier days there was no difference between a North Indian Brahmin or a South Indian Brahmin or Cambodian Brahmin. Brahmins used to move though out India and even outside and easily married in other areas, as long as gotras were different. Regional Brahmins and caste system was a creation of British for divide and rule.

    Really appreciate your post.

    My website: Brahminpedia


  8. Marriage does involve adjustments and compromises/sacrifices ,as is the case with any other aspect of life- one’s workplace,social relationships etc. This ‘sacred institution’ has been advocated as good by all religions and supports the case for continuation of mankind.But the trends that have surfaced in recent times in our brahmin community are disturbing and in fact point TO A DEEPER MALAISE that is affecting our ‘attitudes’ which get reflected in behaviour. The so called “due diligence” in selecting the partner whether by horoscope/inter-acting in person/ family interaction etc.sometimes exceeds reasonable limits.Presuming that we are God believers, I would say that there is a certain dearth of faith the way both sides try to ‘insure’ the marriage alliance forgetting the fact that there are lot of things which we dont know compared to what we already know(again, how much do we really know?) and that God disposes where man proposes.( it is more than a truism to state that Marriages are made in heaven) ‘Humility’ is not an admirable trait anymore; ‘aggressiveness” has since become the fashionable word.How many of us realise that several great people have achieved success in life by being aggressive in what they believed but practiced humility.It is only when people are overwhelmed by problems and suffering that they are “humbled” ,but it will be good if they can slap their useless ego that time around and learn to see where true happiness and peace lay. Some of the earlier comments are not objective and smack of personal frustration. Those who pooh- pooh caste for its sake should also realise that we are responsible for the deterioration in the “values” our community once upheld- I am not referring to the distorted practices indulged in by some boy’s /girl’s families which constitute a gross misinterpretation of religion (for personal convenience) of what is sound and which do not have the sanction of our religion.A LIFE WITHOUT VALUES CAN NEVER BESTOW HAPPINESS AND PEACE.Only if we have values can we develop the right attitudes . Then whatever pain comes along can be absorbed easily. Too much materialism , (which basically arises from selfishness)will toll the death bell for happiness.Let us not denigrate ‘marriage’ to the level of ‘just another agreement’ in life which can be breached at will.Generally you will agree, no breach of contract is without penalty or consequences.- only the mode differs.When people of other communities and castes are keen on preserving their respective purity , it beats reason as to why we brahmins should not do the same.After all we were considered to be people who adopted the best practices in life.Best practices are always tough and difficult in any field/area – be it in accounting standards, ISO, benchmarking etc.- Those who cannot measure up to the same and drop out should not be hypocrites by pointing accusing fingers at the community.

    Nevertheless, these days it is heartening to hear that both the boy and the girl look for an ‘equal’ relationship. This is a farcry from those days when the boy’s family used to bully the girl’s family ( a really shameful era!). But for the same reason a tit-for -tat reaction is not justified from girls families now , as is surely happening in many cases. Im sure Mr Remanan was referring to these cases with real pain. No one is going to win in this ‘fight ‘. Why fight? Why bargain? In alliances, Intelligent “Case Assessments” are made just like with lab tools! What is needed more , is a positive and accomodative attitude . Be less self centred and more accomodative and invoke God’s blessings next time you consider an alliance whether for your boy or girl.. You will see things more clearly and be able to take a better decision.


  9. With all due respect to your age Sir, Mr Ramanan I have to tell you live in stone age and not in this century! How silly of you to think and propagate the fact that women in late 20’s are begging to be married off. These are the women who are educated and in most circumstances more educated, intellectual and independent than the boys of their age. These are the women who are looking for an equal partner and not just a ‘Brahmin Boy’ who wears a thread and performs the rituals his mother or father ask him to perform without a mind of his own. The same holds good to boys of marriageable age too. They are a generation of youngsters who crave for more in life than just being married and reproducing grand-children for their parents to play with.

    Besides the caste-ist statements like “Do not look for same sects, State, Language.A Brahmin will do.” This makes your blog nothing else but internet trash coming straight from a bigoted Brahmin! Which girl or boy in their right mind will marry a fool selected by their parents simply because he/she is a Brahmin. Most these boys are not even fir to be called Brahmin. They drink, smoke and indulge in all other immoral activities but a thread on their chest or three lines on their forehead accords them a high caste status! Our society has many such boys/girls and these are not the examples to follow. After writing this much I really think it is a waste of time to even reason with the likes of you! If you want to be a good Brahmin and do something for the society please first stop tarnishing the image of Brahmins with this narrow minded crap. It is an insult to Brahminism.

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  10. Would like to understand what is absolute must.. what is loukika that can be dond away with in a brahmins marriage. The maaruages are getting boring..costlier…and some acharams dont make sense at all


  11. O Pot-born Sage, this is the list of the thousand names of Ganga. By
    reciting this a man will obtain the benefit of a holy bath in Ganga.
    It subdues all the sins. It destroys all the obstacles. It is far better than all other hymns and Japa. It makes every sacred thing more sacred.

    If one has faith, this will yield any desired benefit. It gives abundance in all the great human endeavors. By reciting it once, one obtains the fruit of performing one sacrifice, O sage.

    By reciting this three times, one gets the benefit said to accrue one who takes the holy dip in all sacred rivers or gets initiated into all Yagyas.

    One who invariably recites this hymn three times, O Vadava gets that
    merit which results from all holy vows well observed.

    If anyone recites this at the time of taking bath, whatever may be the place of water, Ganga flowing in three streams presents herself there, O sage.

    A person who seeks welfare, will obtain welfare; one who seeks wealth, obtains wealth; one who seeks love, shall obtain love; and one who seeks salvation, shall obtain salvation.

    One should faithfully recite this hymn three times a day for a year, keeping his mind pure. A sonless man will then approach his wife at the prescribed period after menstruation. He will thereby become blessed with a son.

    If anyone recites the Thousand Names of Ganga with faith, O sage, he
    shall not die prematurely. He need not be afraid of fire, thief or serpent.

    If after reciting the Thousand Names of Ganga, one goes to another village for some work, he will attain success therein and will return home without any hindrance.

    If the man goes to another village after reciting the Thousand Names, the defects of the lunar day, the day of the week, the star or stellar combination with the moon will not be effective.

    The set of the Thousand Names of Ganga is conductive to longevity and freedom from ailments; it is destructive of all harassment and causes the attainment of all powers by the men.

    By the recitation of the Thousand Names of Ganga , the sins that have
    been acquired during thousands of previous birth get destroyed.

    By faithfully reciting the Thousand Names of Ganga, all these sinners
    become free from sins:
    a slayer of a Brahmana, a drink-addict, a thief of gold, a defiler of the bed of the preceptor, a man who associates with these sinners, a destroyer of fetus, a slayer of mother, a slayer of father, one who commits breach of trust, one who administers poison, the ungrateful, a betrayer of friends, an arsonist, a slayer of a cow, a thief of the possession of the preceptor, one guilty of major or minor

    One who is agitated due to mental anguish or physical ailment, one who is excessively distressed, becomes rid of all miseries by repeating this hymn.

    With the mind concentrated and controlled, one should recite this for a year with great devotion. He shall obtain the desired benefit. He becomes relieved of all sins.

    One whose mind is afflicted with doubts, one who hates piety, a hypocrite and one violently ferocious – all these shall become righteous.

    A man who follows the discipline of the prescribed stage of life and status in the society, one devoid of anger and lust and a man of spiritual knowledge – whatever benefit these obtain, one obtains by reciting this hymn.

    By reciting this hymn earnestly once, one shall obtain that benefit which can be acquired by reciting Gayatri ten thousand times.

    By reciting this Stavaraja, one shall acquire that merit which a blessed man obtains after making the gift of a cow to a Vedic scholar.

    A person reciting this hymn thrice a day and continuing so for one year, shall acquire that merit which an excellent man gets by serving his preceptor throughout his life.

    By reciting this hymn thrice a day for six months, one obtains that merit laid down here as the result of the study of the Vedas.

    By practicing the recitation of the Stavaraja of Ganga every day, one shall acquire devotion to Shiva or shall become devotee of Vishnu.

    If anyone recites the Thousand Name of Ganga every day, Goddess
    Ganga shall always attend to him closely.

    By reciting this hymn of Ganga, one becomes venerated everywhere,
    successful on all occasions and happy everywhere.

    He who recites this hymn should be known as a person of good conduct; he is always clean and pure; he is one who has worshipped all the gods.

    If he is satisfied, Ganga shall become pleased undoubtedly; hence by all means, one should propitiate the devotee of Ganga.

    He who listens to or recites this Stavaraja of Ganga and makes other
    devotees listen to it without hypocrisy and greed, shall become freed from the three types of sins originating from the mind, speech and body. He shall be devoid of sins in an instant and be the beloved of the Manes.

    He shall be beloved of the Devas, he shall be honored by all the
    groups of sages; at the end of his life he shall ride in an aerial chariot
    surrounded by hundreds of celestial damsels. He shall be richly adorned with divine ornaments; he shall enjoy celestial pleasures in Nandana and other parks, he shall rejoice like a Deva.

    While Brahmanas take their food particularly on the occasion of a
    Shraddha, recitation of this hymn causes delight to the Manes.

    His ancestors rejoice in heaven for as many years as there are boiled rice grains or drops of water there.

    By hearing this hymn recited on the occasion of Shraddha the Manes shall become delighted in the same manner as through the offering of balls of rice in Ganga.

    If this hymn written and worshipped in a house, that house is pure always. There is no fear from sins there.

    O Agastya, of what avail is much talk? Listen to my firm words. No
    doubt need be entertained in this respect. No benefit comes to a person who doubts.

    There are many groups of Mantras and hymns in the mortal world. They are not equal to the Stavaraja of Ganga.

    If a person recites this hymn of a thousand names throughout his life, he shall not be reborn even if he were to die in Kikatas.

    If a man regularly recites this hymn, observing restrains, he shall become like a man dying on the banks of Ganga even if he dies elsewhere.

    This excellent and exquisite hymn was formerly proclaimed by the
    Pinaka-wielding Lord to Vishnu, his devotee. It is a hymn with the syllables-‘seeds’ of salvation.

    This stotra stated by me is a substitute for the holy bath in Ganga. Hence, a wise man desirous of getting the benefit of a holy dip in Ganga should recite this hymn.


  12. I as a Brahmin will only marry a Brahmin, North, South,East,West, Center, Indian, Non Indian does not matter, whether anyone here likes it or not, I don’t care at all.


  13. The photo used in this article itself is a give away of the current trend. The boy is a brahmin and the girl is a Naidu. But then, in spite of all talk on social reforms, caste is a reality and will not go away. But the article highlights how caste is a good social binder than language or region. Much the same way as muslims who do not differentiate on language, race or country. This brotherhood concept among brahmins and muslims should show the way for other communities.


  14. I can’t believe what I am reading. Every Brahmin boy or girl is expected to perform financially, career wise, education wise and investment wise as other normal people in the world except for choosing who they marry or why they marry. How does that make any sense? Let all Brahmin girls and boys date and marry for love and no other reason but love like the normal people in the rest of the world. Why should anyone else but the bride and groom be involved in this super personal decision with long lasting life impact. Craziness.


  15. but real problem is with understanding of the term “Brahmin” Manusmriti says .”Janmana Jayate Shudra, Sanskarad Dwij Uchyate, Vedabhyasad Bhaved Vipre, Brahm Janati Brahmana”. Everyone is born shudra irrespective one’s father or mother being brahmin or not. Even though one is born to a temple priest or veda acharya it doesnt really matter he is still a shudra. Only through his knowledge acquiring skills and the work he does makes him a Brahmin… shudra does not mean inferior caste its the period where “People do what they like” so veda allows them to be so until certain age thats the child hood. Later in dwija you are given sacred thread from then on ” You are not supposed to do what you like instead you must do what is right or correct”…. understanding them comes in vipraha stage and then worldly knowledge is achieved and u become role model in brahmana …..So we must all stop ourselves being called as Brahmins instead we must try to become one and the world must call us brahmins….it doesn’t matter to which place or caste u r born into….before writing off something I request you all to have deep knowledge about the subject otherwise you could mislead people. Brahmins never proclaimed or wrote off anything about them. for eg. Vyasa, valmiki, Manu, vashista, Agastya, gautama they were all not born into brahmin families mostly they were in kshatriyas or others but they all became brahmins through gaining knowledge. On the other hand LORD KRISHNA was born into YADAV a backward caste. but DRONA was born in brahmin family but we all know he is renowned kshatriya. So there is hardly any one GOD who is born into the families of brahmin caste…..even Lord shiva is from tribal community….So leave all things aside..whoever you are, wherever you are, to whichever family you are born into leave a life as prescribed by VEDAS, follow the principles of Brahmanism as mentioned in vedas and not as said by people. Brahmanism and hinduism are way of life which will not only benefit you but entire mankind and the universe… while eating do less damage to environment.. eat vegetarian and avoid food that is grown beneath the soil as you may damage them too… avoid animal and animal products… drink soya milk instead of cow’s milk (this is harsh i know but still)


  16. Am very very sorry to let you know that my perception of looking at this article is that this is completely biased to its entirety!!!!!!!!!!!Try considering the groom and the brides family the same and marriages will start working like magic!!! Girls would never want to postpone the marriages then…..if the grooms family start seeing both the families as equals…!!!!!!!!!!!Some basic existing weeds have to be uprooted if arranged marriages need to work perfectly (in a way both the groom and the bride are happy for their life)..I dont mean to say that arranged marriages have not worked – it has always worked at the cost of the brides unhappiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I Let me also proudly tell you that I have had an arranged marriage and it has absolutely worked very happy for both of us just cos my husband who has better and broader views!!!!


  17. Hello sir,

    Well quoted! I second your opinion.Double standards are becoming our second nature.We leave practicality behind and lead a life of hypocrisy.
    I am glad that I came across your blog today.Hope we reform soon!


  18. Hi Sir,

    This is your first blog that i read..
    I felt that whatever you have told here are true in many senses but there are somethings i guess you wouldn’t have noticed much.I just want to bring it into light here.
    I lost my dad when i was a the age of 13 and my mother has taken good care of me and my elder brother.we both did completed our education and got placed into good jobs with good salaries.
    My mom looked in for my brothers marriage for 3 years and then we face all the issues quoted by you here. Though we were liberal with our views many a girl wanted their life partner to be with girl’s family after marriage.All girl’s family needed was salary in lakhs and they were not cared or worried about the boy’s education or character.My brother had lost his hopes i marriae and he refused to get married again.But my mom, a passionate Lady found out a girl for him and my god should i say they are THE PERFECT pair.

    Now its my turn. I should quote here that my star is AYILYAM.Soon after my brother’s marriage my mom started looking for mine. I should say that some 36 guy’s family has rejected my proposal saying that my star is Ayilyam and some grown ups in their family are not happy with that,.

    Let me ask something to all people here.Is there any STAR good or Bad? Why is everyone concerned about the girl’s star? Rather is it not enough for them to just enquire about the fact whether the girl and guy would stay happy intheir life?

    I just have a request to all those parents looking out for a Bride,Please never weigh a girl by her looks or what astrologer says?
    May be by doing so you will be loosing the perfect match for your son’s…
    Then there is no point in cursing all the BRAHMIN GIRLS in this world.

    PS: I’m a happily married working IT Professional.I got married to a BRAHMIN guy who loved and considered me and not my STAR.


    1. Looking at Stars for marriage , in my opinion, is not sound. I am not decrying Astrology.The problem ith Astrology is that the time of birth is very important.We do not get the correct time of Birth.Even a minute variation makes a huge differnce.And the interpretations depend on the Astrologer< Now you find people who are after Money and hence we can not get accurate predictions.So I do not check Horoscopes at all for my family, though we follow other procedures.However the Astronomical predictions are correct for there is no error in Time.


  19. The views presented in this article are totally one sided and might or might not have been different had they been penned by the parents of a girl or parents who have son and daughter. I would like to refute two of the statements made here-
    1. ‘Bride’s parents insist on finding a groom that works in the same city..’ : Sir, would you object if a groom’s parents were to make an insistence likewise? In what way would they be different from the bride’s parents? If it is the responsibility of a son to look after his parents at an older age albeit not living with them so may be the desire of the girl too especially in families where there are no sons!
    2. ‘Girls parents not wanting to let go of daughter’s salary..’: Sir, you speak from experience but I am equally aware of parents of boys that reject brides for fear of losing not only the sons’ salary but also their place in the sons’ lives(sick!!)
    My point is please don’t bash the brides parents cos if the bashing of parents of boys begins it will probably be a compilation of biographies!


    1. I think the main thrust of the article is missed here, The Post, among other things, is to highlight the plights of Boy’s parents and Girls who want to get married and whose marriages are delayed by the selfish attitude of some parents.Some of the comments to this Post will bear testimony to this.Beyond this I have remarked that the girls parents insistence on the same city is from the parents mostly not from the Girl.On parents fear of losing son’s salary.. , yes , you are right about this.As far as I am concerned , Boy or Girl, children’s Life should not be wasted away by parent’s(some) selfishness.That’s all.


  20. Too biased an article! Why so much bride and her family bashing and nothing much about the groom or his family except how boys postpone the “looking”! And worst part the photo itself goes against the article with a bride-groom that didn’t marry young yet good-looking, not a Brahmin combo and bride is a career woman but still her parents neither craved her money nor security! If anything has to change in a Brahmin Marriage, it is to allow your sons and daughters to find a compatible spouse for themselves instead of sitting and “looking” for what you think is a suitable match for dog gone years!


  21. m nt underdstandi fr whom n coz of whom, m suffering. mixed up wit everything. n wn i start thinking abt my life. my thkin tks me to that every core n feel everybody r rensponsibl with wt is hpnin wit me. my life has bcm puzzled n unsettled. nobody tks responsibility n letin me to lead my own life.😦


  22. And as You Said sir its true here few things feels me as related to me.

    ye sir.! My Dad is much intrsted in money n my income . now m nt working. n i daily gt scolded by my dad by being called useless . n he always compared me with othr girls . but he had nvr seen wat r thy doin in actual bck of thr parents.

    from my childhood on wards till today my dad hasn’t felt responsible towards me . i have sacrificed so mch n so mny things fr my family to b called as perfect daughter. nvr bck stabed thm. but still.

    my bro is well treated at my hom.

    he is gvn all the facilities. i hv nvr been burden on my parents i n my mom shared my education fees n she evn paid my bros.

    but my dad always tries to push me back.

    he use to fetch his hands every month bfr i gt my salary in to my hands.

    n so lik this neither thy or either could do anything for each othrs he always escape by taking up my responsibility . being a dad he hasn’t search fr a guy. n guys dnt want to marry with out dowry salary beauty. n the one who was been ok fr a while in my dads eyes now he is ntg in his eyes coz now he needs ntg frm tht guy.

    m nt allowed to mary whom i want. nor my father allows me to gt married.

    my dad keep on tells me to earn money n marriage is nothing . u cn marry at any time he says. or insults me saying ” What u have ma to gt u married ” .? r u blind u cnt see our situations he says.

    n most of the time he himself broked my alliance by approaching or by enquiring..

    now m 25 yrs lady n my dad still beats me . doesn’t help me. dnt luk fr my gud n bad things. till nw he didn’t gt me a single dress are celebrated my birthday.

    this mks me feel lonely hurt. he doesnt think abt my growing age .😦


  23. My story pls read .! and my family was suffering alot n we r nt at all rich . n all these so called brahmins cheated my dad who use to work in a Mutt n thy all Made him jobless for being honest hard worker n for refusing them to Give office money. n made us homeless ..

    but as thy say you will n u hv to pay for ur sins here only on tis earth in tis kaliyug proved as right .

    person who was Utaradhisharu died in a car accident. this person acted as per them n those who wer against to my dad n who made us homeless without seeing at our inocnt faces .

    so tell are thy brahmins.??

    and suddenly my dad got ill . and we begged for help every wer . in mutts . swamijis, hospitals. relations. Brahmin communities. but non of thm helped us a pie.

    we wer starving, alone lost.

    and we started to sufer even mor financially and physically too.

    and than suddenly a person entered in our lives who just blindly helped my falling dad in the hospital and later my mom without asking for our Cast . n he dnt even know who r we frm wr we hv com . n hw mny kids my parents has.

    and one day thr was been emergency and we were lik scared in new place no help ntg .

    and this guy has cm to hospital to Dispatch som ordrs thts given to him ( by the he is a medical distributor )
    and he just to of havin a luk at my dad .

    And he Saw My mom and bro in tension and fear n in tears Made him Worry n he went closer to the near by doc and asked wat was the matr n i was left to bring my dads reports n by the time i hv cm , i saw this guy wit my mom n bro the way he was consoling my aged mom and my little Brother touched my heart brot tears in my eyes . n for the first time i have felt as like m strong.

    my mom was like totally lost she forgt hm as lik stranger n she holded him n crying by sayin tht she is nervous confused n helpsless.

    and this guy made my calm down n brot tifns to eat. n paid treatment bill of my dad..

    in this generation nobody does this or did which he has done for Us Without Knowing Us Completely . with out asking For Any Guarantee He has Paid 2 Lakhs/- immediately on spot .

    and immediately he ran away to bring life saving injection to save my dad .

    This made be fall for him. he is not handsome , nor vry rich, he is not high salaried with safe job or govt employee.

    But has got rich heart.

    after one month he saw me fr the first time .

    n my mom introduced him to me.

    thts the time evn when he has fallen for me but he hasn’t Exprsd it for 4 yrs . n but these 4 yrs he took care of my whole family . house, fud ,clothes, everything, lk a elder son fr my family.

    he did everything for us .

    we all wer happy by seeing our lives.

    but as lik every story has an tragedy ending . even ours has cm to an end.

    and one fine day he exprsd his feelings to my parents and me .

    1st question wic we have asked him was his cast.

    n said see we r brahmins , so we cnt accept othr cast so wic is ur cast.??

    jus think hw bad we must be. we been so obedient to tht cast and people who hav not done anything to us n who has done everything to us with out knowing we are
    treated like anything.

    so he didn’t wanted to lose he Lied us as he is Gujarati brahmin. n my parents thot thank god u r a brahmin .

    N he said ok thn hw abt marriage i would lik to marry her so if u couples are ok wit me thn pls talk to ur daughter to confirm me he said … n my parents askd him thn hw abt ur family.? N he said m sorry my family is against but m not i and my close friends n thr families will com ..so u ppl dont wrry and i will only tk cre of all the expenses frm ur side also he said.

    No guy says this . Or understands this ..
    And my parents asked abt my opinion. N i was lik OMG..!!!!! without delayin a sec i have to Yes yes yess…!!!😀 full happy ..

    But immediately my question was, to my parents was to wic cast he belongs to.!?

    And thy said hey he is also a brahmin itseems .

    N i was doubl happy .

    N marriage arrangements started n my dad said firstly will go wit registered marriage . And immediately we gt rdy n he n my parents wer at registered ofc waitin for me .

    N dnt knw wat was hapnd to me , bfr reachin thr i hd sum feelin sum strong intuitions in me killing me frm inside n forced me to confirm with his cast again ..

    N i said to him see pls dnt hide or cheat me any hw m gng to b ur wife now with in an hour so i dnt want to start our relationship with a lie or any strains so if i ask u something will u reply me honestly i asked . And he said hmmm.! Ok s i will pls ask wat is it he said.

    And i asked pls tell me to wic cast u belongs to ..????

    And he with little silence answered me. Iam not a brahmin ..

    N i was shock. Paused , stopped, breathless .

    And started to scold him .

    N thts it dint go to registered office . I hv been so bad to him .

    To tht person who looked at our all the daily needs to medical expense. Who fed us for 4 yrs i refused him fr nt being a brahmin.

    Cancelled registration n fr now its passed 2 years but still he hasnt stopped helping us indirectly and taking care of me wer ever i go.

    Peopl luk at me wit respct in thr eyes as saying Thangi
    ( Sister ) behen , bhabhi on roads nobody dares to tease me or atlst raise thr eyes and see me. Lik tht he created respect for me in the whole city of mine.!

    Aftr tht my we hv settled well n my parents started to search Groom for me aftr this incidence .

    N i hv met mor thn 7 guys . And aftr spkin to thm n meeting thm i hv been abl to find the real gem .. these people n thr mentalities made me to compare thm n him to ech othr to find the difference n humanity .

    These are of my cast but gud fr ntg.

    Thy want my salry to b gvn in thr hands . N no singl pie to b shared wit my parents. If i hv to share thn m rejected . N being a womn a grooms mothr sistr n brothr in law has told me lik aftr mrg girls shld think as thr parents are died n so siblings. U cnt share ur salary to thm coz u wil b fed by ur husbnd their family so u must gv mony to us thy said.

    N by listenin to this i felt of slapping thm tight. Made me shock. N also made me think of that person who did things fr us with out ny expectations

    N this non brahmin guy in reverse helped us without any expectations excpt me as in return.

    In this 7 guys one guys mom is so eager to gt his soon married. And her son is eagr in working women only n the girl whom he has shortlisted frm tm he need only xyz without marriage n dnt want to marry also coz i was nt wrkin at time. So i hv rejected tht guy by complainin abt him to his mothr.

    So now a days brahmin guys r fully fast fotward.

    Thy act smthin in front of a girl n infron of thr parents .

    N atlast who is blamed is a Girl .!!

    N this non brahmin guy nvr expctd this in tis 6 yrs abt such in return of his uncountable financial help.

    In this 7 guys parents n also guy thot as dowry is thr right to ask . N my parents duty to earn for giving birth a female girl.

    N spok vry vulgarly to my parents.

    N this non brahmin guy understod my parent’s situation and he himself was been rdy to bare both the sides of the expenses..

    So this bhvrs of othr cast guys are making thm to other casts ..

    I hv foud tht thrs no dfrnces in btween brahmin guys n thus non brahmins..

    N lik tis girls being lost. So its the mistk of our society, cheap mentalities, selfishness, jealous,
    Irresponsibility, negligence, Abuses, harassment’s, partialities.

    Adamant answers n response in every religion and cast ths type of gud n bad peopl exists bla bla and all heard alot

    and tis wt d answrs Making them to take such steps ..!

    N now m totally confused with wat shall i do.

    Shld i luk to our irresponsible community who thinks abt nobdy. Who thinks why we help othrs. Its thr karma. Y should y bcm united to fight fr poor Brahmin’s wit Govt.????

    And who blames thr community girls as a reason fr everything: ? Who thinks mkin a girl to study well will lead her to b Head weighted .??

    Or shld i think of this person who sudnly appeared as lik god and helped us lik anything without doing anything fr himslf..?????

    M confused.! N hurt for hurtin a human with heart.!😦


  24. Hi Everybody. People Who Ever com here n given their explanations against only Brahmin Girls Alone its for them..

    i know my comments will annoy u . but even I’m here to share some facts about Brahmin Community..

    so before i start up sharing my story i want You to read it with calm and understanding heart

    please kindly read With patience , you have got all your questions here.

    1st Fact is :- I’m Also A Brahmin .

    2nd Fact :- I Use To Feel Very Proud Of Being Brahmin.
    But after going through lots of research’s experience and after being abused by our own community for talking right

    3rd Fact :- Now I Feel Very Worst Of Being Born As Brahmin.

    4th Fact :- people who gives birth to male kid Joins him in to free veda patashalas and gets Education and gets him a Income source’s to Lead his Life by doing yagnyas homas and earns well from 5rs/- to 5Lakhs .!

    But What income sources had been Provided To a Girl Or for A Girl By our community’s or by our great Swamijis. Gurugolu. Muttadhishas.??

    5th Fact :- its not the mistake of brahmin girls alone who run away and marry other casts boys .

    6th Fact :- Brahmin Girls Are Fed up of All the partialities that’s done by their brahmin community in between girls and boys is making them Aggressive.!

    7th Fact :- You People who ever spoke against brahmin girls don’t even know what r thy going through with n their families.

    8th Fact :- You people will remember n recognize brahmin girls n their families only when you need a girl to marry , But not wen thy are in a Trouble, pain etc.

    9th Fact :-
    This is my personal views as like Everybody has their personal opinions to talk ..

    10th Fact :- things which u people have written here sum were made me feel as in every explanations of each one’s here is related to me ..!

    11th Fact :- People its not Only Girls Who is demanding For A Well To Do Guys Handsome, Rich, Good Salaried, Own Housed, n who earns Lakhs of Salaries .

    Even Guys are Doing it with the Brahmin Girls , No Compromises Are done . i myself have been rejected by Mor than 7 Brahmin Guys For Idiotic Reasons. n Guys still thy gt scared to open their mouths in front of their mothers.

    these 7 rejected me for not having Lots of money with us , For Unable to Afford Dowry, Marriage expenses, And For saying that i also want to support my family even after marriage , and fr being Wheatish in Color, fr being 42-48 KGS only . n few rejected me fr not being in a job.

    so you people tell me, wat els should i SPK abt such mentalities . I’m 5’7 slim wheatish n graduate. I’m confused with brahmin guys wit wat exactly they r lookin for.

    12th Fact :- Few brahmin guys are also there who r being aged above 30 or reaching 30 Expecting only For a Working Women , beautiful , wit good height, and Salary

    13 Fact :- Even Brahmin Guys are Doing Intercaste Marriages But That is OK Right As Here One Person Has Commented.!???

    in Brahmins Everything is OK With Boys anything, But not with Girls .! Here Girls and boys are equally responsible fr the things happening around. But Only Boys Are Supported, n Girls are neglected, Harassed, abused, thought them as sins,

    this thinking should change first. Respect our community girls n there poor families . guys n people who gave births to a Boy thinks as like thy have given birth to an lion and demands girls n there families at the time of marriage .

    thy Demand for Dowry , I would like to ask are thy real Brahmins .!?

    who expect things Heartlessly without looking at their situations of a poor girls and their families .

    and i ask why should we give Dowry’s ,? ? why should i give pain to my parents at their old ages when they are only in need of money for their treatments n medicines,.?

    Did these Groom and their parents have com to feed us at any time at least did thy come to console us when we are in pain,?

    Or did these Parents who has given birth to male kids have Booked me or reserved me from my parents while i was being born.??

    Why do these people dominate on us and put conditions On us whether we have to work or not after marriage and where n how much should i Share my salary , when its the matter of completely to my personal thinking, ambition, decision, Stamina , health and understanding.!?

    who are they to decide should i help my parents or not after marriage that who gave me birth , just like his mother by baring lots of pain , n when my mother also fed me the same colored milk just like his mother’s milk n when my also struggled for me to bring me this to this level.

    There’s No proper Employment in brahmins for Fathers , No Proper Salaries , no pensions schemes But Brahmin Grooms and Parents Need Highly Educated , Working Good salaried Brides.

    But Nobody thinks from where will these poor fathers can afford to get you We’ll settled Girls.

    and this mentalities girls are being aged and getting intercaste marriages.

    as one person has commented here aged reaching or reached 30’s or rejected can go for other inter cast marriages and Marry NB Girls which is absolutely not at all a wrong he said .

    Than that Means it should be OK With The Girls too right.!?

    Why Brahmin Girls Are Boycott For marrying other cast guys ..!?

    For you people when it comes to brahmin men’s everything is OK ,

    You can marry Non Brahmin who Ate everything and will eat , comes in to your family and community is ok she is respected but if the same act is done by girl Non Brahmin Husband Is Insulted..

    You want Non Brahmin Girls but Not Non Brahmin Brother’s Of That Girls Communities right..!??

    If this is the case than its very hard for you to get Non Brahmin Girls Also If You Cant Accept Non Brahmin Guy in Our Brahmin Community..!

    I don’t understand how com a girls originality of birth is decided.

    A brahmin girl is known as non brahmin girl if She marrys an non brahmin Guy , though when still Her blood is same from her parents is flowing and which flows until her death . So she still belongs to a brahmin Lineage. Only thing is her surname changes but not her births originality. Her Kids Blood Dfr but not hers .

    Than in which way U Reject her by being brahmin or by calling brahmin for marrying Non Brahmin .. a girl who had Only Non Veg of all types and still has got chances to eat even after marrying a Brahmin is Ok For You .. But Not the Girl of Your Brahmin Community is Accepted Nor Her Non Brahmin Husband is respected right. A Girl who hasn’t and who will never eat non veg but married Non Brahmin Is Refused and put out , but others r Accepted right.!?

    Really this great injustice only Stopping female brahmin kids to be born & 2 Run Away.

    Nobody Comes to help these families nor fights for them and even for their better lives .?

    people who gives birth to male kid Joins him in to free veda patashalas and gets him a Income source’s to Lead his Life.

    But girls has got no source of living.

    this Partiality is making them aggressive .

    So who is Responsible and who is to be blamed.


    1. Hi Srihitha ! are u still spinster? Is your family on the look out for a suitable match for you? then How old are you? My son is 32 years. MBA graduate, has a descent job and well settled. We do not need dowry in any manner. There are good groom and groom’s parents still exist in this world. Do not be disheartened. Instead of agreeing and disagreeing with every blog, as Brahmin knowing the values of our tradition and culture these few words are written here. If interested contact by email


  25. I just had a chance to visit this blog. Its very interesting to know the view point of many people with regard to the marriage. From my interaction & observations of the present society, especially with Brahmins, western influences have totally corrupted our thinking, with many brahmin guys & girls working abroad. I have observed that boys or girls once they start earning in lakhs (either in India or abroad), they start to put higher conditions forgetting their earlier status. It works on both sides. I have noted that girls prefer a guy who earns handsomely (should be in lakhs per month), should be educated in a premier institute, working in a big MNC, prefarably in IT sector with chance of relocating abroad, should be a nuclear family and the guys parents to live separately after marriage (girls parents would stay with couple), should be tall (minimum 5.10′) and the age difference not more than 2-3 years…….the boy has his own preferences, preferences like, the girl earning, but at the same time homely & taking care of the household. Everyone have their own preferences…..but unfortunately life is cruel and life demands adjustment / flexibility. In life, we adjust / flexible with others…but when it comes to marriage, we have rigid stances which ultimately lead to late marriages i.e after 30’s. I read (not here, but somewhere) that argued that brahmin girls should not be educated beyond a point as the education spoils them!! I would rather disagree with such crap..but education should make a person more knowledgeable and understand the intricacies of life. Education should make a person more humane, but unfortunately that’s not happening…rather education makes a girl / boy more rigid in their thoughts…the parents do contribute their bit!!! I would rather advocate inter-caste marriages if brahmin boys remain unmarried even in their late 30’s. Rather than remain single (and inadvertently) and contribute to dwindling brahmin population, it would be good if brahmin guys go for inter-caste marriages. It takes two hands to clap, so if the brahmin girls are not ready to marry brahmin boy, then naturally inter-caste marriages would be a solution!! It also helps by bringing other caste into brahmin community and helps in increasing the numbers!! I know many would not accept this, but then we have to be practical, rather than sitting on our ego!!! Also from my experiences, i have found non-brahmin girls to be more accommodative, understanding, even if they are earning (or not). I have known one of my friends marrying a non-brahmin girl. The guy was doing a normal job but remained unmarried and was feeling exasperated. He had a chance to meet a NB girl who was a Doctor. They liked each other and are now living happily after marriage. But the same guy was rejected by Brahmin girls with excuses ranging from low-paying job, not looking handsome and all such usual excuses. So what’s wrong if the guy chooses a NB girl when he has no other option left!!! It may be ideal if got a brahmin girl, but when the situation demands, we have to do it. Just imagine, what would be the demands of a Brahmin Girl who happens to be a Doctor?? They would demand only a Doctor (or high profession) as her partner. Many fail to realize that money is not only aspect to a happy marriage life, its only a part, but is not the main part. Its a complete humbug that only a highly-educated, high earning, rich, tall & handsome guy would keep a girl happy, no, its not!!! It’s all in the mind….!!! Just imagine if all the brahmin girls or the guys start to insist that only a person who is more or less equal to their status would be preferred as their spouse, It would only lead to girls/guys remaining unmarried…..!!!


    1. Perceptive.However I do not think intercaste marriage by Brahmins will solve the issue.The issue is that of present Boys/Girls perspective.This seems to be the case in all Castes, I have been informed so,I wrote from the Brahmin perspective as I am a Brahmin and I am better informed of the issues.


      1. Yeah….its true, it’s the perception of the person involved, but then if it’s a good perception, we can appreciate it, but if the perception is obnoxious then we have to criticize it. Everybody have their own preferences. I’m also a Brahmin, but seeing present day Brahmin society, I feel disgusted at the way the Brahmins have degraded….just the way the whole Indian society has degraded, Brahmin society has followed the overall trend, which is rather unfortunate. We may disagree and may argue that we are still good…but alas, I’m afraid that facts prove otherwise. In those earlier days, the Brahmins gave importance to the family, ability of boy & girl, character etc in deciding marriage. Yeah, certain things like Horoscope matching & a dowry (if not widespread, atleast in part) were also followed. So if the girl’s star was ayilyam, moolam, kettai etc considered inauspicious and girls born in those stars found it hard to marry (in earlier days). Thankfully, we have moved away from such things, though not fully. But then certain bad things went away and new bad things have taken its place i.e giving too much importance to money, education, materialistic things. I consider its a NEO-UNTOUCHABILITY………..
        Yes, perception changes & everybody practices what’s best for them, but then many people consume alcohol, smoke, steal and do all such things, but will we call it good?? Since many people do such things, will we encourage them?? Will we make them mainstream?? There is LGBT community and will we encourage them?? I guess many would not like to encourage such things!!! I just hope that Brahmin community too changes itself for the better.
        You wrote that in other communities too, this materialistic aspect has found itself entrenched. Yes, it happens in other communities too, but in a smaller way. From my personal experiences, it would say its in the ratio of 80:20, with majority of the girls/boys preferring & marrying lesser to do alliances!!! But if we take Brahmin community, I’m afraid it will be 5:95% with hardly 5% of girls / boys agreeing to do such alliances. In my apartment complex, I have seen many young / new couples of NB community who solidify my argument. One of the couples, the guy is just a DME & earning around 35K per month now and the girl has done B.E and worked in CTS earning more than the guy, now she is not working and is a home-maker. Naturally 3-4 years back, the guy would have earned around less than what he earns now. But still they have qualms in accepting such marriages (they are not family related). Likewise in another couple, the guy is an Electrical Diploma and earns around 12K but the girl has done B.Pharm & MBA and is working as HR earning 40K. Still they are happy to be married. Same way a guy working in IT company earning 50K but the girl was just a graduate and does not work. So in a NB community, whether they marry within their close family or marry outside, they are not adamant on their preferences and are flexible. Just the take the case of one of my staff who married a few weeks back, he earns around 13K and is a graduate, the girl is also a graduate but works in Reliance, earns 25K and they did not feel anything wrong in going ahead in such marriages!!! I know not everyone from NB community are doing like that, I observed majority do such things.
        But the same can’t be said about the Brahmin community. If the girl earns 50K, then it’s a must that the boy should have atleast a lakh as salary!!! Likewise if the guys earns 75K, then the girl must have done atleast B.E and earn 40K…!!! I know there are exceptions to my observation….but then its just an aberration to the rule!!! Yes, even in my family I have come across girls who married guys who were lesser compared to them. But that was some years back, I don’t think that may happen now!!! My younger cousin worked in Infy and got married 10 years back, she earned 75K at that time, but still opted for a guy who earned 1/3 of herself. She wanted a guy who was simple & from good family background. She knew exactly what she was doing. Also another girl from my father’s friend who worked as a scientist researcher was happy to marry a lesser to do guy…..But these type of girls are rather an exception!!!
        A month back, I met a typewriter mechanic who used to come to my previous office. I met him after years. We enquired about each other’s well being. He was looking for his daughter marriage. The girl is in mid 20’s. He was complaining that he finds it difficult in getting the right groom. The girl has done her graduation and works in an auditing firm and she is writing for her Accountancy exams & earns around 10K. Their expectation was that the guy should be Chennai based only. If the guy owns a home, then the salary should be minimum 40K and if he doesn’t own, then he should be earning 60K!!!! And in some cases where they found some acceptable matches, the horoscope does not match. And there was a guy who horoscope matched to the “T”, but he earns just 20K working in scope and does not own a house!!! So he complained that they find guys who earn more than 75K (in IT field) but they insist on the girl to be earning atleast 30K (&professional education is a must). And he was blasting such fellows!!! Now this is the classic case of Pot calling the Kettle black!!! This is where the exact problem lies!!! They want other side to compromise while they themselves are rigid in their approach….!!!
        I suggested Inter-caste marriage as an option when the guy (or girls) fail to find matches even after they crossed 30’s. Especially for people who are approaching 40’s. Rather than remaining single all their life, it would be better to get married even if its from other caste. I would like to share the exciting story of my friend…!!! He was my college colleague and we used to be in touch once-in-a while, though not regular. Being from Brahmin community, he was from a lower middle class who came-up in life the hard way. He worked in HR though not a great pay at that time. His family started to look out for alliance in his late 20’s. But they failed to find with majority of the girls rejecting with all such usual excuses, low pay, not B.E (now this makes me extremely angry, that’s ridiculous), not having a own house……At that time, I met him and suggested him to register in matrimonial sites and choose the ‘Caste No Bar’ option. He was worried that it may not work. I made fun of him saying that already you are in mid 30’s now and it seems you are going to do 60’th year ceremony (அறுபதாம் கல்யாணம் ) rather marrying now…!! He was angry with me for poking at him. I got the chance to meet after a year or so, he said he was married!!! He promised to share the details later as we did not had time, but when he shared, it was interesting. So after some hesitation he registered with a matrimony site and opted for caste no bar, he started getting interests from NB girls. He was afraid of his parents reaction. But with no option left, he told his parents. All hell broke loose, but then when he challenged them to find the girl from Brahmin community, they had no other option to fall in line. And he got an interest from a girl of another religion!!! (That too from a rigid religion). He did not respond for a while, but then one day decided to be bold enough. So they met and he found girl to be to his liking. Though the girl was working in IT field earning fat pay than him (more than triple), she was ready for such marriage. Obviously the girl’s family was a progressive one, with some of her brothers marrying inter-religion (though not all of them). After much persuasion, he was able to convince his parents and now the guy is married with two kids!!! The most beautiful part was that the girl embraced brahminical customs & traditions and respects his parents with them living joint-family!!! Now my friend is doing well in life, he switched jobs and now earns good salary!!! He said that he is lucky and even Brahmin girls would not be so good if he had chosen to marry a Brahmin Girl..!!! (Just his experience & opinion)…..I not castigating every Brahmin girl, there are definitely good girls (or boys) who exist there…..but as per the present trend they are in minority. Even my sister married after her 30, but having learnt astrology she was adamant that she will marry after 30, but she never put so many conditions and in fact rejected IT field guys, so when my sister got married after she just crossed 30, my brother in-law was in his early 30’s. My BIL also shared the same case of not finding a good Brahmin girl with so many girls rejecting him one pretext or the other. My BIL was only average earning , but my sister never considered it as a drawback….she was very clear what she was looking…!!!
        Many would not agree to my observation, but i’m ready for a challenge. Go to a matrimony site, register the brahmin guy’s age in between 29-33, choose annual income between 2L – 3L, choose PG (but not professional qualification) as the education, choose lower middle class (or middle class) option, choose ‘brahmin community’ as your preferred partner, then i can guarantee that such a profile will not elicit a single interest from Brahmin girls!!! I’m ready to put my neck on this!!! But in the same profile, choose, “caste no bar” option, just watch how many interests you generate!!! I can guarantee a minimum of 10 interests from NB girls, with 2 of them from lower middle class(girls with just a decent education & pay), 5 of them with girls who are in Mid range, 2 from NB girls who are either rich or working in IT fields!!!! So where is the fault lies?? A guy who is found ineligible by Brahmin girls is found acceptable by NB girls even if both the Brahmin Girl & NB girl have similar education / work / status!!! So to whom we have to blame?? {You also check out by registering for a Brahmin girl with above attributes}
        The problem with the present generation is that they feel only they are right & superior and all others are inferior…..alas, that’s not the way…..Education & knowledge is different…..Education has not inculcated the right attributes/character to our boys & girls. It has made them to be rigid & super-egoistic!!! for proof, take the case of Divorces which is increasing alarmingly. Whenever I meet some of my relatives in a marriage (or when they visit our home), the usual question is what are you doing?? How is your job?? When I reply that I doing so & so job & is into organic farming additionally, the usual reaction is that they would think lowly about me as if they have jumped from heaven!!! Especially of parents who son or daughter is settled abroad, they would immediately exclaim that his son/daughter is working so & so and is working abroad….i just to wonder what’s wrong with these people!!! (இதுல என்ன தற்பெருமை வேண்டி இருக்கு) , (may be they are all eating chips, keyboards, mouse etc for their food!!!) afterall, atleast I’m independent, employ people, have my own business, do charity, happily doing agriculture and it gives me immense satisfaction in whatever I do. Thankfully my family supports me, but then actually I should be making fun-of-these people, with most of these NRI Brahmins working as a cyber coolies or corporate coolies (“Word courtesy, Shr.C.N.R Rao, Bharat Ratna”). But I never reply to them, just smile at them. Because for me, ‘செய்யும் தொழிலே தெய்வம்”, and I remain grounded….i’m just reminded of the tamil proverb “நிறைகுடம் தளும்பாது, குறைகுடம் கூத்தாடும்”….
        I’m not here to castigate or ridicule anyone, but I just wanted to share some of my experiences……I may be right or wrong…..but I try to live honestly to the extent its possible, though I’m not perfect…!!!


      2. What will happen if you people do inter caste why that much orthodox is very dangerous. because your gals and boys will become enjoy before marriage and marry of the parents choice. This is very wrong sir am sufferering like anything just because i loved a gal later i came to know that she is from brahmin communtiy was into relationship for 1 and half year. and now she is telling that her parents wont accept our marriage. What is this sir. My parents and me and entires family is suffering just because am not able to remove her from my mind. Am near to 30 now. This is the way people will behave they will tell brahmin. Its about character not about caste. Even i have enough money and get 70k salary oh god when u will change this brahmins. Mama krishna swamy joshi why i met your daughter and y i loved her without knowing caste. Whats there at your sons marriage who was in love vid gal and u married him to brahmin gal. Please guys if u wanna reply me back (ssmadhu2006@gmail.com)


  26. caste system is like a sewage pond , we all must try to make it a river like Ganga by a tool inter caste marriage. caste system exploit the people socially as well as economically too.In India caste based reservation is opposed by forward caste people . But they are not ready to demolish caste system as it is also a reserved system. today’s caste based reservation in any field i.e. JOB, EDUCATION etc. is nothing but a reaction of caste system.
    If forward caste people will lead to demolish caste system ,it is certain that sewage pond will very soon become river like ganga.
    Subodh deo
    Mo. 7587348857


  27. There is some purpose, I just fine being unmarried coz I dont find an alliance..
    I chose to be helpful. Agreed that at least 50% girls are love marriage, runaway, intercaste, inter religion for money money match, qualification match, handsome guys with better future. Good luck. At least thank god, these people not alliance for me. They got what they desperate for. Life is more than this. Eternity, pure, unselfish, n helpful heart is worth it.


  28. I try my best to get married 39 years… my parents will not relax their rules.. no divorcees no widows no intercaste and nothing doing, though I am fine. They would rather keep the rules n prestige. They did not let me to become sanyasin also. But all is for good, I can find ways to do good for others… this one life.. very short.. let it be purposeful. God will help my life to be purposeful.. I never liked enjoyful… but choose to be helpful.


  29. Sir,
    what you have written is fact that happening on the ground unlike my parents generation now getting married even for boys is big deal ..and if i tell anything against girls i will be branded anti -feminist etc and worst part is due to influence of films girls now keep saying No and even much after the age u mentioned they will keep finding some fault in guys .. i agree about the horoscope part maybe we Brahmins give too much importance to it but we are getting stuck between modernity and tradition


    1. Not ll Girls are of this type,in most cases it is aren’t induced for fear of losing their daughter’s pay pocket.
      If you know a girl of our community, need not be affluent and has no such demands the boy nd the girl should pressurize parents and get married.To day boys and girls enegage in discussions on everything openly including sex.
      Why no an open discussion as a group of boys and girls on this?
      What I say may sound heretic but action has to be taken as it the Life of boys, Girls and the welfare of the community.


  30. while it is true that sometimes parents do postpone the marriage of their girls on silly(!) reasons like let them complete their professional course, see neighbour how she or he is suffering after marriage etc. and think their daughters should be near them the girls are eager to get marriaged and it becomes very difficult to find matches after a certain age. is it because the girl tries to be independent and so puts conditions or is it because the boy wants the girl to be a continuous instalment payer of dowry, by way of her monthly salary!!! both seem to be wrong and a certain amount of compromise is required. adjustability before and after the marriage is the crux and boys and girls should know this first.


  31. When I read this article, i felt someone is writing about me. Many parents are afraid of loosing their peace (risk of a bad daugther in law coming).. and hence postpone marriages will silly reasons..


  32. I completely disagree with your views and I regard this as total crap.

    Your views on marriage seems to be out of frustation about searching bride for your son for three and half years. Just think how many (false) reasons you would have told to many of the bride proposals. Regarding the daughters’ salary, why don’t you, grooms’ parents accept to give the bride’s salary, or at least a part of it to her parents after marriage?

    And you say “Among Brahmins there is no division of States or Languages either”. I wonder then why you divide on caste and religion. If ‘any brahmin girl’ will do, ‘any girl’ will do.


    1. You are entitled to your opinion. Indian Girl
      As to para no 2,plase read some of my posts under Hinduism, Lifestyle or the latest one ‘South Marrying North Indian Girl
      Thank you


    2. what ever you told correct.
      In that article so many mistake they told about bride grooms.
      1) Now a days Boy’s parents expecting Daughter-in-law salary. But Girls parents will not expect anything from daughter.
      2) Girls parents will do grand marriage but boys parents after the marriage they are not giving good love and safety for daughter-in-law
      3) Boys parents always only think about them daughters. But they will not think about daughter-in-law’s parents.


  33. The article is like a mirror on the present day where such things are still going on due to poor knowledge adaptation by girls in Brahmin’s homes.It is reflecting today’s problems and many girls unmarried even when they are in 35-40 yrs age also.
    They have to learn to make their own standards and live life but not go crazy after money and then regret later.Today girls parents are withholding marriage to get salaries of the girls but also indirectly put an requirement that the boy marrying her should be earning in Lakhs to crores of rupees.-this means he should be very rich to splurge in money for an wife.
    Surprising isn’t it as one lady did ask us when we approached them that they are interested in her daughter getting married to those earning 80 lakhs to Rs 1 cr.
    Another excuse now found is that when we contact them with boy’s details they ask us all id’s etc.Later when contacting on progress in horoscope checks etc we get standard replies like”Astrologer is out of station and it will take time”or astrologer says it does not match.
    After all it is the boy and girl who will have to mutually understand and with some astro support from parents learn to make an living but this is forgotten.
    Another funny thing is now going on -Girls may be only 5ft or 5′-6″but they are looking for tall boys who are 6 ft or 6′-8″- maybe making spondylitis an marriage life need as she will have to always look up and strain her neck-Doctors can have an good business!!!!
    But oone fact remains- we all should expect more brahmin spinsters and start an retirement homes for them when their parents leave them spinsters and no support on old age- reason is they created their own graves?????


  34. I am ashamed of having born as brahmin. Because of the attrocities they have committed to ladies and still committing ti ladies. many moolam and ayilyam star girls are remaining unmarried. We had shaven their hairs even at the tender age of 10/12 because their husband died immediately after marriage. Our Acharyals do not give darsan to widows who have not removed the hairs on their head. If they continue to have the tilak that is considered a great papa. These acharyals are a curse to the larger Hindu community.


    1. I agree.There were inhuman practices followed and this needs correction. I discussed this with my Guru Sri Abhinava Vidyatheertha Swamigal of Sringeri and he too condemns these practices.I have a couple of posts on this under Hinduism/
      No need to castigate oneself.
      we should correct these based on the Sruthi which is clear.
      Please note I am talking about Sruthi and not Smritis.


  35. as the english saying goes when wealth is lost nothing is lost invariably in all the stories it starts once upon a time there lived a poor brahmin he was poor but he was respected eg krishna respected sudhama as he was a practicing brahmin. when health is lost something is lost brahmin slowly started losing his tapas so the down slide started .when character is lost every thing is lost the very character of brahmin is indriya nigrahana remaining rooted to this principle instead he started thinking about worldly pleasure which is what we r seeing today.thats why todays brahmin is taunted even though he is no more a poor brahmin. in my view varna dharma is a management principle of the highest order with the highest ideal of real social equality and freedom within their respective parameters.even a gentle breeze can induce a ripple in the water surface which then travels across the entire surface.so even slightest indiscipline can induce the ripple of social disorder in waterbody called society filled with the water called varna dharma.thats why its said dharmo rakshati rakshitaha.


    1. Kanchi Periyavar said that the moment Brahmins changed their lifestyle going after the jobs offered by the British, he had forsaken his respect and standing in the community.
      I am in total agreement with this view.
      Having said that it may be noted that it was the other communities which supported the Brahmins before long by taking care of his earthly needs while he was praying for their welfare.
      I am unable to determine at which point of time or who left their Dharma first.
      Brahmins had to fend for themselves. They too have families . So they might have looked for other modes of Living,
      This may not be ideal but practicalities need to be taken into account. At least from now, those who are reasonably well placed may practice what the Sruthi says and encourage poor Brahmins to dissuade them from leaving their Varna Dharma.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


  36. I do appreciate your concern. Almost everyone had the same who had gone near Acharya; Its eiher way of of course Money power plays most in the Mutts. Its high time Our Brahmins in totality has to come together hand in hand i helping each other which is missing now.Your blogs are really appealing &
    arresting attention .And you r ominipreset


  37. Hello,

    This is my first visit to your blog. You have some wonderful articles here. I do not know much about caste system etc. but I try to learn and follow the tenets of my caste. My family (and my caste) has taught me so many valuable things. For example, we are vegetarians. When I was in college some of my friends would tell me that they do some kind of pooja and they take only vegetarian food during those days. For them, it was a big deal- to thrive on vegetarian diet for a few days and they would ask me how I manage to avoid non-vegetarian foods!

    Like this, there are so many things that each caste can teach. These days, people talk about destroying caste system and bringing about “equality”. If people busy themselves in destroying castes they also end up destroying the good, beautiful things that each caste has. Besides, people who talk about destroying caste system are (in my observation) invariably those who lack the discipline to stick to rules and want to roam free. Since they think caste imposes rules and creates conflicts, they want to destroy caste and religion.They don’t see that, even without the caste/religion, there is bound to be some kind of groupism or the other among people. Where there is groupism, there will still be conflicts! All conflicts will end only when all is realized to be One. As human beings, we have to do our everyday sadhana in progressing spiritually. When the focus is thus shifted, we would see that caste or religion is not a barrier after all and that they are there to aid us in our spiritual path. Until then, I think it is better not to flout the rules laid down by our religion/caste.

    A request: Please do write your views about vegetarianism and abstinence from drinking. These days, people look down upon us when they hear us say that we don’t take meat or drink.


    1. I shall be posting on Caste new article.
      You may also look up for more on Caste under Indian Philosophy in the blog.
      On Vegetarianism and drinking I have a few post filed under Lifestyle.
      I shall post some more.
      You might also refer to my post on the Food habits as explained by Lord Krishna, under Indian Philosophy, Hinduism.
      Thanks for dropping by.


  38. hello,

    your article really inspired me to write this feed back. I have many Brahmin girls turning their faces out of Brahmin caste. I do not know why these girls do not have any interest in learning the values hidden in their caste.

    Talking about the caste is projected as caste ism now a day…. I am also a Brahmin and if I say some thing more about Madhwacharya or sandhyavandana, a few people see me as if I am supporting castism. However I do not support inter caste marriages because of my own reasons…

    Please also write something on this.

    very thankful to you.



    1. I believe that Caste is the best system available. I do not advocate inter caste marriages either,. I will be writing shortly on Brahmins and Untouchability, Caste.


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