ramanan50

Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Parents Complaints To Children

In lifestyle on October 20, 2014 at 09:54

There comes a stage when the parents start complaining to their children about each other, instead of children complaining about siblings.

 

Either the wife or the husband complains to the daughter or son.

 

This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not.

 

 

Recently I had a call on this from a son, settled abroad,on this.

 

He was worried about this.

 

Each of the parents have complained about the other.

 

The Boy wanted to solve the issue

 

The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.

 

He told me he wanted to talk to them separately and set the things right.

 

He sought my advise.

 

My answer was to do nothing of the sort.

 

Any marital relationship is bound have disagreements.

 

One is dissatisfied with the other.

 

Matured ones know to leave the disagreements and proceed as if nothing has happened, provided the grouse is not about genuine harassment or involving adultery.

 

But as one grows old,th children grown up, the parents seek solace in their children.

 

They do not wish to let  their affairs known to outside the family.

 

They need an out let to share their feelings.

 

That’s all and nothing more even though they may not admit it.

 

Talking to grown up children who are understanding enough reduces tension and gives a feeling that there is someone who listens to problems sympathetically and consoles.

 

What the children need to do is to  listen to the issue or complaints as one would to a close friend and emphasize with them, with out making an adverse comment about the other parent.

 

Talk to them,console them and assure them that you shall talk to the other party and resolve.

 

But do not talk to the other party on this.

 

This approach, I have seen, has helped a lot of people.

 

These things shall pass in Life.

 

Most of the complications in Life arise out of the mistaken notion that all problems can be solved by active participation.

 

And undue importance given to regular natural incidents.

 

One should be mature enough to understand what a serious problem is.

 

Some of these quick fixes for imagined problems arise out of blindly following western thought s about solving problems.

 

In most cases the cure turns out worse than the disease.

 

 

Whom Should A Brahmin Marry Manusmriti

In Hinduism on October 15, 2014 at 19:10

People malign Manu without studying his work in full.

 

Texts are often taken out of context to suit one’s convenience.

 

Whatever be the subject, deep thought seems to have gone into and these Laws are arrived at after taking into consideration the stability  of the Society and the welfare of the individual.

 

However Social Order seems to take priority.

 

The Laws of Manu on selecting a Bride , to me, seems very rational.

 

As parents most of us follow the same without articulating or even aware of it.

 

To ensure Offspring without Genetic disorders Manu prohibits marriage with immediate blood relatives.

 

And with chronic illness and birth defects.

 

He insists on not marrying from a Family without a Male Heir.

 

Boys’ parents know how difficult it is to interact with a child with no brother/s for they normally are unaware of Mael view-point.

 

And in the event of the demise of the girl’s father, if there are no Males to interact  on behalf of the Girl, it creates n running the Family at times of crisis.

 

Manu pays scant regard to the wealth of the Girl’s Family.

 

He has also provided some physical marks which might have a bearing on the character of the Bride.

 

Some of his observations are vindicated by Science, like the one regarding excessive Body hair-normally the extra hair growth is because of imbalance in Hormones.

 

Read the Laws of Manu on this.

 

Though this appears to apply for Brahmins, my view is that these laws are meant for the three Varnas, Brahmana, Kshatriyas,an Vaisyas as Manu simply lays down these rules for the Dwijas(twice Born)

 

That is those who wear Upaveeda.

 

These three varnas must wear Upaveedas.

 

Therefore these rules of Manu apply to all the three castes.

 

4. Having bathed, with the permission of his teacher, and performed according to the rule the Samavartana (the rite on returning home), a twice-born man shall marry a wife of equal caste who is endowed with auspicious (bodily) marks. 

5. A damsel who is neither a Sapinda on the mother’s side, nor belongs to the same family on the father’s side, is recommended to twice-born men for wedlock and conjugal union.

6. In connecting himself with a wife, let him carefully avoid the ten following families, be they ever so great, or rich in kind, horses, sheep, grain, or (other) property,

7. (Viz.) one which neglects the sacred rites, one in which no male children (are born), one in which the Veda is not studied, one (the members of) which have thick hair on the body, those which are subject to hemorrhoids, phthisis, weakness of digestion, epilepsy, or white or black leprosy.

8. Let him not marry a maiden (with) reddish (hair), nor one who has a redundant member, nor one who is sickly, nor one either with no hair (on the body) or too much, nor one who is garrulous or has red (eyes),

9. Nor one named after a constellation, a tree, or a river, nor one bearing the name of a low caste, or of a mountain, nor one named after a bird, a snake, or a slave, nor one whose name inspires terror.

10. Let him wed a female free from bodily defects, who has an agreeable name, the (graceful) gait of a Hamsa or of an elephant, a moderate (quantity of) hair on the body and on the head, small teeth, and soft limbs

 

Laws of Manu Chapter III .

LGBT Issues In Hindu Forward Communities

In Hinduism, lifestyle on June 22, 2014 at 08:46

Sometime back I posted an article on the views of Hinduism on LGBT.

 

The post received good response and many with this issue have written to me saying that  th post helped them mentally.

 

Yet members of some communities i Facebook of which I am a member, felt that these issues are in bad taste and some communities have even removed the post.

 

Hinduism is a way of Life.

 

India Corporate Policy for LGBT.Image.jpg.

India Corporate Policy for LGBT.

 

It does not feel shy of addressing real issues of Life.

 

It understands the nature of Humans including their frailties and try to offer solutions.

 

By adopting an Ostrich like attitude, one faces on certain issues,  much more serious issues later that would arise because of this.

 

Problems are to be addressed to and not wished away, thinking that if we do not think about them , it would disappear.

 

There is this attitude of taking no decision, a modern western concept of course,justifying that the problem would solve itself.

 

True, but the solution need not be to our liking and at times may even harmful.

 

I have not taken the trouble of finding statistics of LGBT in India, ,especially Community wise.

 

It is likely to be incorrect as this is a sensitive and too personal an issue to be divulged.

 

Strength in numbers does not diminish the gravity of the problem.

 

About a year back two issues of m friends were referred to me, regarding their family problem, so sensitive the could not discuss with their relatives.

 

Well, you do not discuss sensitive issues with relatives, only with friends who  have no stakes.

 

My friend’s son((34)got married to a girl from an orthodox family.

 

The boy is well settled and the girl was very nice, working in a MNC.

 

The girl was a Lesbian.

 

This, she disclosed to her husband, after a couple of days of marriage to her husband.

 

This she told him that she was had been scared to inform her  parents and she had a girl friend from US.

 

The boy wrestled with this problem and he informed me.

 

Many among the younger generation , boys and girls,open up with me about intimate problems, though , b age , I am like their Father.

 

I took up the issue very gingerly with the girl first and later with the Boy’s parents.

 

It took some time for m friend to come back to normalcy.

 

I informed him, he was very orthodox, that this an accident of Nature and one should ensure that two lives are not ruined.

 

Our Religious texts inform us these problems and suggest we take appropriate action to ensure that no one is affected.

 

He came around.

 

After discussing the issue with the girl’s parents,a Divorce b mutual consent was organised( the reason as disclosed in Camera in the Family Court).

 

The girl went to US to be with her Girl friend in the US.

 

The Boy is  married again, after disclosing the details to  the would be bride and her parents.

 

The Boy’s first wife came from US and corroborated the facts to the would be bride and her parents.

 

The boy is happily married and has a son.

 

A similar case was in respect of Gay.

 

Here the marriage was stopped.

 

Elders should not wish away the problem.

 

It is tricky in Hindu communities, notwithstanding the elopement in many a case.

 

Children still are respectful for their parents and are shy of discussing their intimate problems.

 

It would be prudent , before arranging marriage, boys and girls, talk to them and wherever necessary , get to know their friends and get information very discreetly.

 

This would help a lot of problems that might arise later.

 

This applies to issues concerning Transvestites as well .

 

 

Mantra For Estranged Couple Strained Relatioship

In Hinduism on May 9, 2014 at 09:20

Many relationships turn sour because of some words uttered in a moment of uncontrolled  emotions and this at times leads to serious consequences.

 

Some may result in the Couple being estranged.

 

Might be for some insignificant reason ( as it turns out later) one might even leave the Home!

 

<img style=

” class /> Yantra for Soundarya Lahari Sloka 1

 

This is because the Savitri in the tongue releases word from the Mind unchecked as words, Sarsvathi.

 

This has many reasons.

 

I touched upon this in a Post on Savitri.

 

After the words are out, one follows another and estrangement might result.

 

Though both the parties want to unite some thing blocks them.

 

Today they call it Ego.

 

Merely naming it as Ego does not solve your problem.

 

Here are some slokas.

 

Begin on a Sukla Paksha Chaturthi(4th Day of the waxing Moon) or the sixth day (Shasti) and continue it for 45 days.

 

108 times a Day, preferably early in the morning.

 

Naivedya Sakkarai Pongal.

 

One may use the Yantra provided here for the Sloka Siva Sakthyaa Yuktho.

 

Utter this 108 times a Day. .

 

This is the yantra for the mantra called panca dasa akshari mantra which is:
ka ye ee la hreemha sa ka ha la hreemsa ka la hreem

 

Have it inscribed in Copper and be strict in following the rules of worshiping.

 

Those who do not want to use this mantra may chant the sloka, it is equally powerful, if uttered with Faith.

 

Follow the general rules of reciting the Mantras.

 

1.

शिवः शक्त्यायुक्तो यदि भवति शक्तः प्रभवितुं

न चेदेवं देवो न खलु कुशलः स्पन्दितुमपि ।

अतस्त्वामाराध्यां हरिहरविरिञ्चादिभिरपि

प्रणन्तुं स्तोतुं वा कथमकृतपुण्यः प्रभवति ॥

Siva: – the divine
Parvati and parameswara are the two forms/bhaavaas of the same superpower – just like the two sides of a coin. If you remove from this word siva, the sakti beejakshara e, si becomes sa.
Deva: – Lord Mahadeva
[Devah means swayam jyothiswarupah and sarvasaktah]
Saktyaa – with you the Para-Sakti
[icchaasakti-kriyaa-sakti-jnaanasakti]
Yukta: – together with [you]
Bhavati yadi – only if so placed
Prabhavitum – to create the world
Sakta: – become capable
Evam – like that[thus]
Na cet – if not together with [you]
Spanditum api – even for movement
Kusala: – be capable
Na khalu – not becoming
Ata: – hence
Hari-hara-virincaadibhirapi –

even by brahma, Vishnu, Rudra and other gods

[virinca – a - kaar hari- u kaar hara – ma kaar together represent aum – which is Pranava mantra]

 

Oh! Goddess almighty! The divine, self luminous, avidyaanirmukta paramasiva, the prabhu, become capable to create the world only if with Tripura Sundarai[the pure consciousness], in the form of the supporter for the creation of the universe. If not associated with you, he doesn’t become like that; else, he is not even able to move, for sure.

 

Sloka 2.

 

Maheem moolaadhaare kamapi manipoore hutavaham
Sthitam swaadhishtaane hridi maruta-maakaasa-mupari
Manopi bhroomadhye sakalamapi bhitwaa kulapatham
Sahasraare padme saha rahasi patyaa viharase

Maheem – the bhootatwa – the earth
moolaadhaare – in moolaadhaara cakra – the secret part
kamapi – also the jalatatwa – the water
manipoore – in the manipooraka cakra – the navel
hutavaham – the agnitatwa – the fire
Sthitam – posited
swaadhishtaane – in the swadhishthaana cakra – between the navel and secret part
hridi – in the heart – in anaahata cakra
marutam – the vaayu tatwa – the air
aakaasam – aakaasa tatwa – the space or ether
upari – above – in visudhdhi cakra
Manopi – manastatwa – the mind
bhroomadhye – between the eyebrows – aajnaa cakra
sakalamapi kulapatham – thus covering all cakraas in sushumna
bhitwaa – intruding through
sahasraare padme – in the thousand petalled lotus in the head
rahasi – in the secret place
patyaa saha – along with your partner sadaasiva
viharase – you enjoy the bliss of aananda

Oh ! Goddess Supreme! in moolaadhaara cakra – the secret [private] part, you depict the bhoo-tatwa – the earth; in the manipooraka cakra – the navel,

you depict the jala-tatwa – the water; in the swadhishthaana cakra – between the navel and secret part , you depict the agni-tatwa – the fire; in the heart

– in anaahata cakra – you depict the vaayu-tatwa – the air; above that in the throat – the visudhdhi cakra – you depict the aakaasa-tatwa – the space or

ether; between the eyebrows – in the aajnaa cakra, you depict the manah-tatwa – the mind; thus flowing through the various six cakraas in the

sushumnaa naadi, you reach the thousand petalled lotus in the head called sahasraara cakra and remain there with your husband sadaasiva enjoying

perfect bliss of aananda.
Ref.Soundarya Lahari sloka.blogspot.in

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Choose Brahmin Mates Swayamvara At Chennai

In consumer forum on April 23, 2014 at 11:01

I have lamented the fact that the Brahmin Community is finding it difficult to find suitable Mates .

 

This problem has become more pronounced now because of various factors.

 

1.Girl’s parents delaying the marriage.

 

2.Girls and Boys having imaginary Ideal Girl/Boy and waiting for a Wave length.

 

3.As the custom of circulating the Horoscope  is getting diminished because of shrinking Families and same community friends, the choice becomes

restricted to  only Internet, Matrimonial sites.

 

Though these are effective, the communication conveyed through these sites by the uploaders  do not receive possible Brides/Grooms.

 

And in most of these sites, the educational and salary expectations are so high and unrealistic, one wonders how people with less qualification/Income get married at all.

 

In the case of Boy’s parents willing to marry a Girl from of a Family of not affluent means, the girl’s parents suspect that there is some thing wrong with the boy,because of , in their perception,unequal alliance.

 

And in may a case, the communication between the parents of the Boys and Girls do not proceed smoothly as person to person communication is much better than Email/Video Chats.

 

I found the following information in Facebook and am sharing it.

 

Marriage proposals at Chennai.

Swayamvara, Chennai

 

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