ramanan50

Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

LGBT Issues In Hindu Forward Communities

In Hinduism, lifestyle on June 22, 2014 at 08:46

Sometime back I posted an article on the views of Hinduism on LGBT.

 

The post received good response and many with this issue have written to me saying that  th post helped them mentally.

 

Yet members of some communities i Facebook of which I am a member, felt that these issues are in bad taste and some communities have even removed the post.

 

Hinduism is a way of Life.

 

India Corporate Policy for LGBT.Image.jpg.

India Corporate Policy for LGBT.

 

It does not feel shy of addressing real issues of Life.

 

It understands the nature of Humans including their frailties and try to offer solutions.

 

By adopting an Ostrich like attitude, one faces on certain issues,  much more serious issues later that would arise because of this.

 

Problems are to be addressed to and not wished away, thinking that if we do not think about them , it would disappear.

 

There is this attitude of taking no decision, a modern western concept of course,justifying that the problem would solve itself.

 

True, but the solution need not be to our liking and at times may even harmful.

 

I have not taken the trouble of finding statistics of LGBT in India, ,especially Community wise.

 

It is likely to be incorrect as this is a sensitive and too personal an issue to be divulged.

 

Strength in numbers does not diminish the gravity of the problem.

 

About a year back two issues of m friends were referred to me, regarding their family problem, so sensitive the could not discuss with their relatives.

 

Well, you do not discuss sensitive issues with relatives, only with friends who  have no stakes.

 

My friend’s son((34)got married to a girl from an orthodox family.

 

The boy is well settled and the girl was very nice, working in a MNC.

 

The girl was a Lesbian.

 

This, she disclosed to her husband, after a couple of days of marriage to her husband.

 

This she told him that she was had been scared to inform her  parents and she had a girl friend from US.

 

The boy wrestled with this problem and he informed me.

 

Many among the younger generation , boys and girls,open up with me about intimate problems, though , b age , I am like their Father.

 

I took up the issue very gingerly with the girl first and later with the Boy’s parents.

 

It took some time for m friend to come back to normalcy.

 

I informed him, he was very orthodox, that this an accident of Nature and one should ensure that two lives are not ruined.

 

Our Religious texts inform us these problems and suggest we take appropriate action to ensure that no one is affected.

 

He came around.

 

After discussing the issue with the girl’s parents,a Divorce b mutual consent was organised( the reason as disclosed in Camera in the Family Court).

 

The girl went to US to be with her Girl friend in the US.

 

The Boy is  married again, after disclosing the details to  the would be bride and her parents.

 

The Boy’s first wife came from US and corroborated the facts to the would be bride and her parents.

 

The boy is happily married and has a son.

 

A similar case was in respect of Gay.

 

Here the marriage was stopped.

 

Elders should not wish away the problem.

 

It is tricky in Hindu communities, notwithstanding the elopement in many a case.

 

Children still are respectful for their parents and are shy of discussing their intimate problems.

 

It would be prudent , before arranging marriage, boys and girls, talk to them and wherever necessary , get to know their friends and get information very discreetly.

 

This would help a lot of problems that might arise later.

 

This applies to issues concerning Transvestites as well .

 

 

Mantra For Estranged Couple Strained Relatioship

In Hinduism on May 9, 2014 at 09:20

Many relationships turn sour because of some words uttered in a moment of uncontrolled  emotions and this at times leads to serious consequences.

 

Some may result in the Couple being estranged.

 

Might be for some insignificant reason ( as it turns out later) one might even leave the Home!

 

<img style=

” class /> Yantra for Soundarya Lahari Sloka 1

 

This is because the Savitri in the tongue releases word from the Mind unchecked as words, Sarsvathi.

 

This has many reasons.

 

I touched upon this in a Post on Savitri.

 

After the words are out, one follows another and estrangement might result.

 

Though both the parties want to unite some thing blocks them.

 

Today they call it Ego.

 

Merely naming it as Ego does not solve your problem.

 

Here are some slokas.

 

Begin on a Sukla Paksha Chaturthi(4th Day of the waxing Moon) or the sixth day (Shasti) and continue it for 45 days.

 

108 times a Day, preferably early in the morning.

 

Naivedya Sakkarai Pongal.

 

One may use the Yantra provided here for the Sloka Siva Sakthyaa Yuktho.

 

Utter this 108 times a Day. .

 

This is the yantra for the mantra called panca dasa akshari mantra which is:
ka ye ee la hreemha sa ka ha la hreemsa ka la hreem

 

Have it inscribed in Copper and be strict in following the rules of worshiping.

 

Those who do not want to use this mantra may chant the sloka, it is equally powerful, if uttered with Faith.

 

Follow the general rules of reciting the Mantras.

 

1.

शिवः शक्त्यायुक्तो यदि भवति शक्तः प्रभवितुं

न चेदेवं देवो न खलु कुशलः स्पन्दितुमपि ।

अतस्त्वामाराध्यां हरिहरविरिञ्चादिभिरपि

प्रणन्तुं स्तोतुं वा कथमकृतपुण्यः प्रभवति ॥

Siva: – the divine
Parvati and parameswara are the two forms/bhaavaas of the same superpower – just like the two sides of a coin. If you remove from this word siva, the sakti beejakshara e, si becomes sa.
Deva: – Lord Mahadeva
[Devah means swayam jyothiswarupah and sarvasaktah]
Saktyaa – with you the Para-Sakti
[icchaasakti-kriyaa-sakti-jnaanasakti]
Yukta: – together with [you]
Bhavati yadi – only if so placed
Prabhavitum – to create the world
Sakta: – become capable
Evam – like that[thus]
Na cet – if not together with [you]
Spanditum api – even for movement
Kusala: – be capable
Na khalu – not becoming
Ata: – hence
Hari-hara-virincaadibhirapi –

even by brahma, Vishnu, Rudra and other gods

[virinca – a - kaar hari- u kaar hara – ma kaar together represent aum – which is Pranava mantra]

 

Oh! Goddess almighty! The divine, self luminous, avidyaanirmukta paramasiva, the prabhu, become capable to create the world only if with Tripura Sundarai[the pure consciousness], in the form of the supporter for the creation of the universe. If not associated with you, he doesn’t become like that; else, he is not even able to move, for sure.

 

Sloka 2.

 

Maheem moolaadhaare kamapi manipoore hutavaham
Sthitam swaadhishtaane hridi maruta-maakaasa-mupari
Manopi bhroomadhye sakalamapi bhitwaa kulapatham
Sahasraare padme saha rahasi patyaa viharase

Maheem – the bhootatwa – the earth
moolaadhaare – in moolaadhaara cakra – the secret part
kamapi – also the jalatatwa – the water
manipoore – in the manipooraka cakra – the navel
hutavaham – the agnitatwa – the fire
Sthitam – posited
swaadhishtaane – in the swadhishthaana cakra – between the navel and secret part
hridi – in the heart – in anaahata cakra
marutam – the vaayu tatwa – the air
aakaasam – aakaasa tatwa – the space or ether
upari – above – in visudhdhi cakra
Manopi – manastatwa – the mind
bhroomadhye – between the eyebrows – aajnaa cakra
sakalamapi kulapatham – thus covering all cakraas in sushumna
bhitwaa – intruding through
sahasraare padme – in the thousand petalled lotus in the head
rahasi – in the secret place
patyaa saha – along with your partner sadaasiva
viharase – you enjoy the bliss of aananda

Oh ! Goddess Supreme! in moolaadhaara cakra – the secret [private] part, you depict the bhoo-tatwa – the earth; in the manipooraka cakra – the navel,

you depict the jala-tatwa – the water; in the swadhishthaana cakra – between the navel and secret part , you depict the agni-tatwa – the fire; in the heart

– in anaahata cakra – you depict the vaayu-tatwa – the air; above that in the throat – the visudhdhi cakra – you depict the aakaasa-tatwa – the space or

ether; between the eyebrows – in the aajnaa cakra, you depict the manah-tatwa – the mind; thus flowing through the various six cakraas in the

sushumnaa naadi, you reach the thousand petalled lotus in the head called sahasraara cakra and remain there with your husband sadaasiva enjoying

perfect bliss of aananda.
Ref.Soundarya Lahari sloka.blogspot.in

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Choose Brahmin Mates Swayamvara At Chennai

In consumer forum on April 23, 2014 at 11:01

I have lamented the fact that the Brahmin Community is finding it difficult to find suitable Mates .

 

This problem has become more pronounced now because of various factors.

 

1.Girl’s parents delaying the marriage.

 

2.Girls and Boys having imaginary Ideal Girl/Boy and waiting for a Wave length.

 

3.As the custom of circulating the Horoscope  is getting diminished because of shrinking Families and same community friends, the choice becomes

restricted to  only Internet, Matrimonial sites.

 

Though these are effective, the communication conveyed through these sites by the uploaders  do not receive possible Brides/Grooms.

 

And in most of these sites, the educational and salary expectations are so high and unrealistic, one wonders how people with less qualification/Income get married at all.

 

In the case of Boy’s parents willing to marry a Girl from of a Family of not affluent means, the girl’s parents suspect that there is some thing wrong with the boy,because of , in their perception,unequal alliance.

 

And in may a case, the communication between the parents of the Boys and Girls do not proceed smoothly as person to person communication is much better than Email/Video Chats.

 

I found the following information in Facebook and am sharing it.

 

Marriage proposals at Chennai.

Swayamvara, Chennai

 

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Marriage Compatibility Myth

In lifestyle on August 16, 2013 at 11:53

Marriage and Compatibility.

Marriage and Compatibility.

I was looking for a suitable Girl for my son(He is married now)

In India, in general, marriages are arranged by parents.

For details read my post under ‘Lifestyle’

Those who believe in horoscope,these are in the majority in the Brahmin community(I do not believe in Horoscopes), circulate the horoscope through their relatives, friends, family priest and of late through Marriage portals.

Once the horoscopes match, then the process of visiting the would be Bride’s home is on.

Once the girl and the boy like each other, then the arrangements for Betrothal and marriage starts.

The problem with the present generation is that they set conditions.

1.They need to talk to each other,by email,webcam and in person and it is in vogue now.

2.The girl should be well-educated, employed and domestically well-trained(?!)

3.The Boy without parents being alive is preferred and most preferred boys are those who do not have siblings;they must commit to support the girl’s parents.

The Boy should be in a transferable job and can get transferred to the Girls’ place.

4.Both the Boy and girl declare they should be in the same ‘wave length‘ , each must ‘personal space and they want to ensure that each is compatible with the other.

I am talking about the point on ‘wavelength’ , ‘personal space ‘and compatibility.

I was married to a girl whom my parents finalised and have grandchildren now, with usual, ever-present misunderstanding between us.

What exactly is ”wavelength’?

If my understanding is correct , it means that both should be able to have same tastes, likes and dislikes.

I am afraid this is not possible or probable.

Each is unique.

If one were to have the same likes, dislikes then Life would become dull and boring.

It is a question of supplementing each other.

None loves, likes the others in all their follies and tastes.

It applies to everyone.

It is the process of compromising and adjusting that makes Life happy or at least tolerable.

Another important point is that our tastes. likes and dislikes change during our Life and this complicates Life even further if you have the same’ ‘wave length’

And what is ”personal space?

No body is going to take it away from you because you are married.

This confusion arises because of the notion that in any relationship, one should share everything with another.

I have a post on this under Lifestyle.

One can not and need not share everything with everyone, including wife to sustain the relationship.

There are issues that one should share and some one need not.

These expectations are imaginary, idealistic, fueled by pulp fiction and films.

If one were  to be perfect in getting married after checking these wavelengths compatibility nonsense , one remains unmarried and at an unmarriageable age  and have to settle any one  for a Spouse .

Look at a case reported.

A girl divorced her husband because he was not compatible.

She became friendly with a man Online.

After some intimate exchange of views Online she found it was her ex Husband!

If the woman had been sure of Compatibility, then  she would not divorced.

If her judgement is correct, she would not have chosen to contact the Man Online for she had corresponded with him after checking his likes and dislikes.

How elusive is Compatibility factor is?

Look at the professional qualification of the people involved.

Story:

For nearly a year after her divorce, a West St. Paul woman opened up to a man she dated online, sharing intimate details of her personal life and struggles with her ex-husband.

Then, prosecutors say, she got a surprise. The man on the other end of the computer was her ex-husband.

Brian Matthew Cornelius, a 36-year-old Sturgeon Lake, Minn., man, created an elaborate online persona under an assumed name and with borrowed photographs to strike up a digital relationship with his former wife, according to charges filed Tuesday in Dakota County District Court.

Prosecutors say Cornelius went so far as to arrange to watch the woman through a webcam, and he persuaded her to skip a court appearance in which she was seeking an order for protection against him.

Phone calls to Cornelius and his most recent attorney of record were not returned Thursday.

Cornelius and the woman were married in 2000 and divorced in 2011, according to court records. They have two young children together and have sparred in court over custody issues.

He faces two counts of gross misdemeanor stalking.

According to the charges:

About three months after her divorce, the woman met someone through a dating website who went by the name “Aaron Carpenter.” The two struck up an “extensive” online relationship, exchanging emails, text messages and other electronic communications.

The woman “confided intimate details of her life and daily activities” with Carpenter, including her difficulties with Cornelius. She also let him see her in her home via a webcam, the complaint said.

In March 2012, after an alleged physical assault by Cornelius, the woman told Carpenter about her plans to get an order for protection against her ex-husband.

Carpenter persuaded her to skip the court date, and the request for an order subsequently was dismissed.

Source:

http://www.twincities.com/minnesota/ci_23406072/west-st-paul-woman-discovers-online-boyfriend-is

*Definition of Compatibility.

com·pat·i·ble

[kuhm-pat-uh-buhl]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

capable of existing or living together in harmony: the most compatible married couple I know.
2.

able to exist together with something else: Prejudice is not compatible with true religion.
3.

consistent; congruous (often followed by with  ): His claims are not compatible with the facts.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compatible)

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/woman-discovers-online-friend-actually-ex-husband-185458324.html

First Gay Divorce Gay Divorce Costlier

In lifestyle on August 6, 2013 at 17:50

My views on Gay Relationships are well-known to my readers.

Now it is reported that Gay Divorces,are on.

Worse still, they are proving to be costlier.

Gay Marriage,whatever one may say and abuse me, is not natural.

Why some one should object to being called Natural, if the y are convinced that they are natural/beats me!

Divorce in Hetero sex marriage, in my opinion, except in extreme cases, is  not correct.

But Gay Divorce?

Read On.

When Jason Dottley and his husband ended their marriage last year, neither bothered to hire a lawyer because the couple agreed they had nothing to fight over.

Lawyers are what you get when things get difficult,” Dottley figured.

He had no idea just how difficult getting a same-sex divorce would be.

Dottley, an actor and singer, filed for divorce in April 2012 in California, where the court system was unfamiliar with how to handle his case. He eventually sought an attorney’s advice after growing frustrated with the numerous delays.

“The lawyer I hired really couldn’t offer much help,” he said. “His advice was basically, you can either keep plugging away or you can pay me to plug away, but until the courts figure out what they’re doing, I can’t speed this along for you any more than you can.”

It’s a story familiar to a growing number of same-sex couples, even as the gay community continues to celebrate the Supreme Court’s decision in June to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act. Many hope the ruling will encourage more states to legalize gay marriage, which is currently only legal in 13 states as well as the District of Columbia.

IGay Couple now Divorced.n happier times: Dottley and his former husband, Del Shores, in 2010.

But because gay marriage is relatively new — Massachusetts became the first state to legalize it in 2004 — same-sex couples trying to get divorced have found their attempts come with high price tags and other expensive sacrifices in the few states even willing to grant them.

Gay and lesbian couples have had to be pioneers,” said Susan Sommer, director of constitutional litigation for Lambda Legal, an advocacy group devoted to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender legal issues. “Until things get familiar, even in states like New York, where same-sex couples can .

Source:

http://www.today.com/news/gay-couples-divorce-comes-extra-costs-6C10660976

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