I was looking for a suitable Girl for my son(He is married now)
In India, in general, marriages are arranged by parents.
For details read my post under ‘Lifestyle’
Those who believe in horoscope,these are in the majority in the Brahmin community(I do not believe in Horoscopes), circulate the horoscope through their relatives, friends, family priest and of late through Marriage portals.
Once the horoscopes match, then the process of visiting the would be Bride’s home is on.
Once the girl and the boy like each other, then the arrangements for Betrothal and marriage starts.
The problem with the present generation is that they set conditions.
1.They need to talk to each other,by email,webcam and in person and it is in vogue now.
2.The girl should be well-educated, employed and domestically well-trained(?!)
3.The Boy without parents being alive is preferred and most preferred boys are those who do not have siblings;they must commit to support the girl’s parents.
The Boy should be in a transferable job and can get transferred to the Girls’ place.
I am talking about the point on ‘wavelength’ , ‘personal space ‘and compatibility.
I was married to a girl whom my parents finalised and have grandchildren now, with usual, ever-present misunderstanding between us.
What exactly is ”wavelength’?
If my understanding is correct , it means that both should be able to have same tastes, likes and dislikes.
I am afraid this is not possible or probable.
Each is unique.
If one were to have the same likes, dislikes then Life would become dull and boring.
It is a question of supplementing each other.
None loves, likes the others in all their follies and tastes.
It applies to everyone.
It is the process of compromising and adjusting that makes Life happy or at least tolerable.
Another important point is that our tastes. likes and dislikes change during our Life and this complicates Life even further if you have the same’ ‘wave length’
And what is ”personal space?
No body is going to take it away from you because you are married.
This confusion arises because of the notion that in any relationship, one should share everything with another.
I have a post on this under Lifestyle.
One can not and need not share everything with everyone, including wife to sustain the relationship.
There are issues that one should share and some one need not.
These expectations are imaginary, idealistic, fueled by pulp fiction and films.
If one were to be perfect in getting married after checking these wavelengths compatibility nonsense , one remains unmarried and at an unmarriageable age and have to settle any one for a Spouse .
Look at a case reported.
A girl divorced her husband because he was not compatible.
She became friendly with a man Online.
After some intimate exchange of views Online she found it was her ex Husband!
If the woman had been sure of Compatibility, then she would not divorced.
If her judgement is correct, she would not have chosen to contact the Man Online for she had corresponded with him after checking his likes and dislikes.
How elusive is Compatibility factor is?
Look at the professional qualification of the people involved.
For nearly a year after her divorce, a West St. Paul woman opened up to a man she dated online, sharing intimate details of her personal life and struggles with her ex-husband.
Then, prosecutors say, she got a surprise. The man on the other end of the computer was her ex-husband.
Brian Matthew Cornelius, a 36-year-old Sturgeon Lake, Minn., man, created an elaborate online persona under an assumed name and with borrowed photographs to strike up a digital relationship with his former wife, according to charges filed Tuesday in Dakota County District Court.
Prosecutors say Cornelius went so far as to arrange to watch the woman through a webcam, and he persuaded her to skip a court appearance in which she was seeking an order for protection against him.
Phone calls to Cornelius and his most recent attorney of record were not returned Thursday.
Cornelius and the woman were married in 2000 and divorced in 2011, according to court records. They have two young children together and have sparred in court over custody issues.
He faces two counts of gross misdemeanor stalking.
According to the charges:
About three months after her divorce, the woman met someone through a dating website who went by the name “Aaron Carpenter.” The two struck up an “extensive” online relationship, exchanging emails, text messages and other electronic communications.
The woman “confided intimate details of her life and daily activities” with Carpenter, including her difficulties with Cornelius. She also let him see her in her home via a webcam, the complaint said.
In March 2012, after an alleged physical assault by Cornelius, the woman told Carpenter about her plans to get an order for protection against her ex-husband.
Carpenter persuaded her to skip the court date, and the request for an order subsequently was dismissed.
*Definition of Compatibility.
[kuhm-pat-uh-buhl] Show IPA