ramanan50

Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Elder Abuse By Children Facebook Discussion.

In Parenting on February 4, 2014 at 17:25

Recently I shared a few of my posts on Elderly abuse by their children to Facebook Communities of which I am a member.

This is the Post.

Senior citizen abuse.

Children Leave parents at Old Age Homes

https://ramanan50.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/parents-in-elderly-home-children-to-be-shamed/

I was happy and sad at the same time .

Happy because the post generated a lot of discussion with members speaking out with out inhibition.

Sad because it revealed to me the malaise that is eating our Society.

Though the views of the communities need not reflect the views of all the other Communities in general, this particular community views are taken as a model for others despite their bashing this Community.

During the course of the discussions I came across views, which I will sum up as it would be unethical to post them direct here.

1.All agree that there is this problem of leaving the elderly in Old Age Homes

.2.The elderly also prefer it.

3.This, from the trend and profiles I could gleam, seems to be from NRI .( parents of NRIs and the parents themselves)

4.It is my impression that there seems to be communication disconnect between the Parents and the Children.

5.Children do want to keep them at Home.

6.Sad was a comment the children is ‘an Insurance for parents’ posted by a Parent.

7.Equally appalling was a comment that “Parents are incorrigible and make the Life of Children Hell”

I have posted my views in the group discussion.

Then there was a question of Duty of Sons (No body spoke about daughters!)

The point is that where was this problem, say 40 years ago?

Agreed that we had differences at Homes with parents with us, we never thought that ‘they were living with us’ rather’ we were living in a Home’

Tiffs are always sorted out,

Then why so now?

1.People have gone after monetary values alone.

Parents want their sons to go abroad , especially the US for Higher Studies and Jobs.

When they get a Green Card, the parents feel that they own the world.

Forgetting that the values and the standard of Living shall make sure that they do not return.

If you have sent your child abroad you should be prepared for it.

Alternately, you should stay with them there.

If you a can not stay because you  want to come to your Native place,  then you have no other  option but to stay here alone or in an Old Age Home.

You can not blame the children for it.

Not that you need not send your children abroad, but only that you should have the maturity to handle the consequences.

2.Interfering in Grown up children’s day-to-day affairs.

Many elderly do resort to this as a sign of showing their control of the Household.

It produces the opposite reaction.

You have run the family for nearly 30 t0 40 years and you have taught , or you thought you had taught your children to face Life,.

Why not leave them be?

What could they do?

They might make mistakes. like you and I ( should this be ‘Me’) have made when we were young, or for that matter even now.

Why not admit that the younger generation may be, in fact, is more intelligent in handling practical Life than we did?

Let them run the family the way they want.

If you have brought them up well and proper they would have the basic Morals alright.

That would do.

Not the silly expectation of them coming to you and submitting their account and informing you where they are gong and what they are doing.

We have run our Race,

Let the Relay race run.If you run along  the relay runner, you Team, The Family, will lose.

Elders need to handle this with maturity.

2.For Children.

Parents are not your enemies.

They say and do hings for you, they may not know to how to go about saying or doing it.

Do not suspect their Love or their concern for you.

They are not Incorrigible.

These incorrigible idiots made you into what you are to-day, even enabling you to speak this way.

The value of parents will be known when they are no more.

Only Parents love you for what You are.-with all your warts.

Others for What You have.

PS.I have not touched the actual Physical and mental abuse of Parents here.

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The Courtyard Of Moon

In Parenting, Tamils on January 23, 2014 at 10:40

 

Moon is used in world literature as an allusion,allegory simile to express various emotions.

Courtyard of Moon.

Moon Shining Courtyard of Moon.

The practice of using the concept Moon as a part of Life goes to the Tamils.

There is no Poet who has not sung about Moon right from the Classical  Age of the Sangam till the present day.

It is also the part of Indian life to show Moon and feed the child.

Usually a song is sung inviting The Moon to play with the child.

This has been such an expected custom that a special grammar has been created to accommodate this activity.

In Pillai Thamizh, The Tamil of The child, various stages of the child’s growth has been explained and suitable songs were sung.

Those who know Tamil, enjoy this song, Thiuvoimozhi of Periyazhvar sung in praise of Lord Krishna asking Him to sleep while making Him sleep in a Cradle.

The celebration of the Moon is not restricted children.

Moon is used to express Love,Pangs of separation and even pathos.

I am proving some songs towards the close of the Post.

It is the practice, as the child grows up, to have the family sit around in the Pial( a reclining slab at the entrance of the House) have the food made into  a Ball , place in the Palm of the family members.

This is/was widely practiced.

I used it to do this for my children till they were in the Ninth or tenth standard.

The taste and the camaraderie one feels as a Unit is incomparable.

Children eat more than what they usually consume.

Tamils have taken this a step further,

In ancient days, Homes had a special area built, normally in the first floor and the Kings used to build a Floor for this purpose , enjoy the Moon and take food.

This place is called the Courtyard of Moon.’Nila Mutram’.

There is also the practice of eating under the Moon with the family on the Full Moon Day of the Chaitra,Chiththitrai Month , The Full Moon Day of April.

Special festival is celebrated on this day and this is special in Madurai, Chitra Pournami

Such simple pleasures do not cost you nor do they harm children.

We seem to be losing them.

Some Old movie songs on Moon.

 

 

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Evil Eye On Children Warding Off Removal

In Family, Hinduism on January 23, 2014 at 08:29

There are some customs being followed in Tamil Nadu.

They look strange, superstitious and totally irrational.

So are some problems in Life.

For instance, Children, especially below the age of Four,when they can not articulate  things.

The child would be Healthy n all respects.

But it would refuse to eat food.

You may try anything to make the child eat, but it would still refuse.

You consult a Doctor.

He tells you that he child is alright and it would take food on its own.

Some go even further and tell you to feed the child if it cries an any way as an organism the child would seek food when it needs it!

The problem is that as a parent or a Grandparent you just can not await the child to demand foo or let it cry incessantly.

There are some practices to rectify this problem and these worked for my children and work for  my grand children.

When you attempt to feed the child, some food would remain.

Take this and keep it on the road where a Dog can eat.

Do not feed the child in front of others or in Public.

If you have to feed in a Milk Bottle, keep the Milk Bottle covered, ready-made covers are available .

To prevent the child waking up in the middle of the night crying, keep a New Broomstick underneath your cot.

Some times you may find the children crying for no reason, despite being fit.

In these circumstances, take two red chilliness,little Crystal Salt in your right Palm close it, let the child face The East , keep your close Palm in the other , rotate clockwise , anti clock wise, up and down in front of he child’s Face and leave the chilies and Salt on the road.

There is also this practice of throwing this mixture in Coal Embers at Home or in the Flames of a kerosene stove instead of throwing the mixture on the road.

Normally this mixture dropped in Fire or Embers should make you choke.

Some time it would not.

That, my mother used to say, that evil eye has been cast and been removed.

Another practice is to have the person or the child spit on this mixture after rotating and throwing ti away,Brahmin households do not follow this.

As soon as the child completes its first birthday the practice among Brahmins in Tamil Nadu is to tie a small piece of Acorus calamusor Vasambu in the hip around the waist of the child in a Black thread(Araignyan)

This, it is believed to prevent diseases and ward off evil-eye.

Yet another practice  is place Camphor in a small plate, light, show it in front the child facing East or North, rotate this clockwise , anticlockwise ,up and down in front of the Face thrice and keeping it in front of the house, closing the door after placing the Aarti plate out.

I do this for my Grand children every day.

There is also the practice of applying a black dot on the Cheek of the child.

I have seen Rationality does not work always with children but these do, especially when it concerns their Health

 

 

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Eleven Kinds Of Lullaby For Children

In lifestyle, Parenting, Tamils on January 21, 2014 at 18:58

Lullaby is one of the most delightful forms of Literature.

Lullaby in Tami

Lullaby

Though I am very well versed in English, Sanskrit and Tamil Literature. I have a bird’s-eye view of them.

To my knowledge the kinds of Lullabies found in Tamil Literature seem to be unmatched.

I have not come across anything close to it.

Though Tamil and Tamils  are perceived to be highly emotional, thanks to idiotic self-styled fanatics of Dravidian parties who make a living off Tamil, the Truth is that Tamil and Tamil Grammar,though very rich in content, imagery,has a highly organised system of Grammar totally different from Sanskrit.

It is organised not merely by content of the poem but also relates to the Ages Of Man,Woman and Child.

Shakespeare would talk to us on The Seven Ages of Man in As you Like It.

Tamil speaks of the Ages of Woman.

Read my post on this,

Lullaby forms an important form of Tamil Literature.

It abounds in early Classical Tamil , though it has gained momentum in the middle ages through the Bhakti Ilakkiyam(Devotional Classics)

This has organised Literature in such a manner that it has assigned different types of Lullabies to be sung for the Child.

As we all know, at least Grandparents know, that children love Lullabies.

As the child grows up, so is the ear for Music.

Hence the Lullaby one sings  between one year to another has to be different to keep the child engaged.

Tamil has done it.

They have devised a system where various ages , corresponding type of Lullabies are listed and the parameters for them set.

There are Ten.

They are.

1. காப்புப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் இரண்டாவது மாதத்தில் பாடுவது.
எந்த குழந்தையாயினும் முதலில் அதற்கு எந்த தீங்கும் நேர்ந்திடா வண்ணம், சிவன், பார்வதி, விநாயகர், திருமால், முருகன் என்று பலத் தெய்வங்களும் குழந்தையைக் காக்க வேண்டி,அவர்கள் மீது பாடல்கள் பாடி, குழந்தைக்குக் காப்பிட வேண்டும்.
Protective Age.
This  type is sung during the second Month of the Child.
Here as child is very tender, Gods like Ganapati,Siva,Parvati, Subramanya or Vishnu are invoked and prayed for the protection of the Child.
2. செங்கீரைப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் ஐந்தாம் மாதத்தில் பாடுவது.
இந்த பருவத்தில், குழந்தை ஓரளவு தவழவும் முயற்சிக்கும்.அதாவது, குழந்தை தன் ஒரு காலை மடக்கி, ஒரு காலை நீட்டி, இரு கைகளையும் நிலத்தில் ஊன்றித் தலையை நிமிர்த்தி முகமாட்டும் பருவம். குழந்தை இவ்வாறு செய்யும் போது, அது செங்கீரைக் காற்றில் ஆடுவது போன்று மிகவும் அழகாக, மனமும் அதோடு சேர்ந்து ஆடுற மாதிரி இருக்கும்.

For a toddler of Five months.
The child would start Crawling, by folding one leg, leaning both the hands on the ground , shall thrust its face.
This would look like a typical South Indian Green Leaves plant fluttering in the breeze.
Meter for this type of Lullaby would be more bet oriented.
The name of the plant ‘Sengeerai‘ is given for this stage.3. தாலப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் ஏழாம் மாதத்தில் பாடுவது.
தால்~நாக்கு. தாய் தன் தாலை ஆட்டிப் பாடும் போது, நாக்கின் அசைவுகளைக் குழந்தைகள் கவனித்துக் கேட்கும்.(தாலாட்டுப் பாடும் பருவம்)

Next is sung at the Seven Month.
Now the child would carefully observe the tongue movement of the Mother.
this is the actual age of the Lullaby’,Thaalaattu’.4. சப்பாணிப் பருவம் – இது ஒன்பதாம் மாதம் பாடப்படும்.
சப்பாணி என்றால் – கைகளைத் தட்டுதல்; குழந்தைத் தன் இரு கைகளையும் ஒன்றாகச் சேர்த்துத் தட்டி ஆடும் பருவம்.

At nine months, the child would clap its hands.
This is called ‘Chappani’ or Clapping.
Interesting to note the word in Kannada for Clapping is ‘Chappali’5. முத்தப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் பதினோறாம் மாதத்தில் பாடுவது.
பெற்றோர், தங்களுக்கு முத்தம் தருமாறு குழந்தையிடம் கெஞ்சும் பருவம்.

At the eleventh month, parents beseech the child to give them a Kiss.
This is named as ‘Muthaadal Paruvam’ Kissing Age.6. வாரானைப் பருவம் (வருகை) – இது குழந்தையின் 13ம் மாதத்தில் பாடுவது. குழந்தை தன் ஒரு வருட காலத்தின் நிறைவில் அவர்கள் செய்யும் சாகசம், தளிர் நடைப் போடுதல்.

ஓரளவு நடக்கத் தெரிந்த தன் குழந்தையை, தாய் தன் இரு கைகளையும் முன்னே நீட்டி, தன்னிடம் நடந்து வருமாறு அழைக்கும் பருவம்.

This is the Thirteenth Month when the child is able to walk, albeit  hesitatingly, with it’s both hands outstretched, when parents call the Child to come to them.7. அம்புலிப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் பதினைந்தாம் மாதத்தில் நிகழ்வது.

அம்புலி என்றால் நிலா. நிலவை நோக்கிக் கை நீட்டி, தன் குழந்தையுடன் விளையாட வருமாறு அம்புலியை அழைக்கும் பருவம்.

At the Fifteenth Month, the Moon is shown to the child and the child invites Moon to come and play.8. சிற்றில் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் பதினெட்டாம் மாதத்தில் பாடப்படுவது.

ஆண்பிள்ளைகளும், பெண் பிள்ளைகளும் வேறுபடுவது இந்த பருவத்தில் இருந்துதான்.
(சிற்றில் – சிறு+இல் – சிறிய வீடு)பெண்பிள்ளைகள் மணலில் சிறுவீடு கட்டி விளையாடும் பொழுது, அவர்கள் மண்வீட்டைத் தன் சிறு பொற் பாதத்தால் உதைத்துக் கலைக்கும் பருவம்.
At the eighteenth month, male and female differentiation  is noticed and accordingly the stages.songs vary.
This is called the ‘Sitril Paruvam’
The child would a house of Sand , destroys it with its feet and rebuilds.

ஆண்டாள் கூட சொல்வாளே, நாச்சியார் திருமொழியின் இரண்டாம் திருமொழியில்(நாமமாயிரம்), இடைப்பெண்கள் சிற்றில் சிதைக்க வேண்டாவென்று கண்ணனை வேண்டுவர்களே!

‘எங்கள் சிற்றில் வந்து சிதையேலே’ என்று ஆண்டாள் சொல்லுவா.
9. சிறுபறைப் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் பத்தொன்பதாம் மாதத்தில் பாடப்படும்.
This is the Eighteenth Month when the child plays with a small drum.
Siru Parai Paruvam.ஒரு சிறிய பறையையும் குச்சியையும் வைத்து பறை கொட்டி விளையாடும் பருவம்.

10. சிறுதேர் பருவம் – இது குழந்தையின் இருபத்திஒன்றாம் மாதத்தில் பாடப்படுவது.

Playing with a Small Chariot.

At the age of 21 months , the child would play with a small chariot made of wood.
Siru Ther Paruvam.

பெண்பால் பிள்ளைத் தமிழ்:

கழங்காடல் – அதாவது, தாயக்கட்டை மாதிரி ஒன்ன வெச்சுக்கிட்டு உருட்டி விளையாடுவது.
அம்மானை ஆடல் – அம்மானை ன்னா பந்து. பெண்பிள்ளைகள் ஒரு பாட்டு பாடிக் கொண்டே பந்து விளையாடுவாங்க. அப்பொழுது பாடும் பாட்டு ‘அம்மானைப் பாட்டு’.
ஊசலாடும் பருவம் – ஊஞ்சல் ஆடி விளையாடும் பருவம்.

Then onwards two stages are given for Girls.

One is Kazhangaadal, playing with small pebbles or stones on hand ,tossing them while singing.

Might use Flower balls.

Another is playing in a Swing.

Oonjal Paruvam

Look at the way the growth of the child is observed.

We have lost these pleasures to TV and Video games.

I have not observed my children doing these.

In fact I never noticed them growing up for I was ‘Busy!’

I am on enjoying these in my Grand son and Grand daughter.

Ref:

http://aazhvarmozhi.blogspot.in/2009/07/blog-post_9502.html

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Desire Avarice Jealousy Lifestyle.

In lifestyle on January 1, 2014 at 08:57

I am hurt.

I am unhappy.

These are the most heard from people.

This is also reported  to be cause of Stress.

People  attribute this to the changed Lifestyle and a host of other factors, like work pressure,peer Pressure.

But there are more fundamental issues involved.

One is regarding our-self.

Another is how we behave with others.

Regarding the first point, our attitude of Comparing ourselves starts in childhood.

Parents would like children to be what they have failed to be and force them into doing what they may not prefer.

Parents compare their children with other children and force the children.

Then comes the way of behaving.

They are taught what the others follow and this even in matters of Food and dressing.

There is a fine line between good behaviour and aping others, especially the West.

Then Education.

We study what guarantees high income, without bothering whether one has the aptitude or attitude for it.

Lifestyle again.

We acquire , not things we need, but what we think others will be envious about.

That’s the point.

We allow ourselves to be conditioned by the others.

Why?

Because we want to be what they are.

Bottom line of this, we are jealous of them.

But this remains hidden in our heart.

Jealousy, trying to become what we are not and our striving t be like them is the cause for our ills.

This is what we should avoid.

Closely connected to this is our desire , avarice.

We fail to distinguish between Wants and Needs.

Blind desire blurs the line between the two.

Desires are fine.

We should be able to channelized desires, not allow desires to direct our lives, or Desire is impulsive and does not envisage the future problems arising out of satisfying the desires.

If we can avoid Jealousy and Desire, avarice, quality of our Lives would improve.

 

 

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