‘Children Space’, Parental Space, Sheer Non Sense

Posted on February 6, 2013 by ramanan50

There has been a lot of talk on child rearing now ,which has not been discussed in the past.

We have Behavioral Psychologists, Child Psychologists , Student Counselors and the list is long.

So are the problems from feeding an infant to Adolescent behavior.

I have come across this phrase quite often now.

Children playing in the open, India

‘Children‘s Space”

For the uninitiated it means that the child has a world of its own and we, as Adults know nothing about and we need to train ourselves to communicate with them!

This applies more to Parents.

I do fail to understand.

Admitting that the child has a ‘Space, our world is different , we need to ‘get down to their world’ to get to know them, how can we help them grow into the world?

By going down to their level, we will be acting and guiding them from their stand point.

Right?

In that case am I not entering into the adult world, am I not assuming the role of an Adult at least while guiding them?

How do I tell them what is Right and Wrong?

Do I tell them or not?

And how do I tell them?

By kissing them as a child would and lisp ‘we should not do it’ and the child will follow?

If I have to do it,I have to do it as a parent,.

The child is an extension of Me.

The Society and the highly qualified Doctors not withstanding, I know my child better and I have a better interest in their welfare.

Aside…

Many of the Specialists’ Children, I know, have all the problems, including what they treat our children for and more than us idiots’ normal children, have.

In the process, what has happened to my Parental Space?

Dealing with Physical Disease one thing, I am not qualified,but emotional and value systems, I have a better interest and motivation.

Our patents knew nothing of these . nor did I do any of these.

I am alright and so are my children.

Before any Specialist jumps the Gun, I am Graduate in Psychology, but I have learnt that it is an evolving attempt to understand the Psyche of Man and nothing more.

Excepting in extreme disorders,the role of a Psychologist is limited to the extent of drugging and suppressing symptoms.

Has Psychology defined ‘Intelligence,Personality,Personality Traits, Abnormality?’

At best Psychology describes these, at worst non sense.

We will not have any problem with the children, if Only,

Parents know to stay together in marriage,

Do not Drink,

Live with elders in the family,

Have regular and clean habits,

Good values in Life,

Do not send children to school at the age of # 3,

Force them to do things which are beyond them,

Send them to all Courses from Karate to Dancing,

Allow them to play in the open and do not lock them up in an apartment,

We watch TV and ask them not to watch…..!

Conscious Parenting Resolutions for the New Year (attachmentparenting.org)
http://aboutthechildrenblog.com/

Praising Kids And Effects

Posted on January 17, 2013 by ramanan50

Today modern parenting seems to suggest that children need motivation and need to be praised periodically.

This principle is extended to Adults as well..

Praising Children.

The habit of praising becomes a routine and it is recited as though by rote.

The funny habit of saying ”I Love you’ to spouse ritualistically daily every day more often at a fixed time with more or some similar phrases like ‘you look great’ sounds silly and insincere.

If it were to look silly to the observer , how much would it sound it to the person involved.!

This indiscriminate and insincere ritualistic praise heaped on the children spoil the children.

Be objective and praise the child when to.

Simple method to know whether your Praise for children is insincere, check whether you become aware of it.

If yes, your praise is Insincere.

Let me quote a Sanskrit saying.

Treat the Child as you would a King till 5 years,

As a Slave till 15 and

A Friend after 15 .

“For example, suppose that Adam loves to eat broccoli. But every time he eats broccoli, his mom praises him for it. Consciously or unconsciously, Adam starts to question his motivation. Is he eating broccoli only for the praise? Adam changes his attitude toward broccoli-eating. It’s a chore, not a pleasure. If the praise ends, Adam loses interest in eating broccoli.

Does this sort of thing really happen? It’s been well-documented in cases where people are given tangible rewards each time they perform a particular behavior (e.g., giving your child some money each time he eats broccoli). The feedback appears to re-set a person’s attitude (Lepper and Henderlong 2000).

There’s less research showing that social rewards—like praise—can produce the same effect. However, a recent brain study reveals that social rewards (like praise) and tangible rewards (like money) activate the same regions of the brain (Izuma et al 2008). And a food-tasting experiment performed on children found that praise, like tangible rewards, made kids like a food less (Birch et al 1984).

But the key point seems to be that praise must be given every time, so that kids expect to be praised for the behavior .

When praise is unexpected or spontaneous, it remains a powerful motivating force.

So this doesn’t mean we can’t—or shouldn’t—praise our children for good behavior or a job well done. But suggests we should be cautious about overriding our kids’ natural sources of motivation.

At first blush, it might seem like a good idea to praise kids for out-performing their peers. After all, research has shown that such social-comparison praise enhances a child’s motivation and enjoyment of a task (see review in Henderlong and Lepper 2002)

If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose motivation.

In essence, kids who are accustomed to social-comparison praise become poor losers.

Consider this experiment on American 4th and 5th graders (Corpus et al 2006). Kids were given a set of puzzles to complete and received either

• social-comparison praise

• mastery praise (i.e., comments about how the child had mastered the task)

• no praise at all

Next, kids completed a second task. This time they were left without clear feedback about how they’d done.

How did this uncertainty affect each child’s motivation?

It depended on what kind of praise kids had received earlier. Those who had received social comparison praise suffered a loss of motivation. But kids who had received mastery praise showed enhanced motivation.

In other words, a history of social-comparison praise backfires the minute kids stop hearing that they’ve outperformed their peers.

http://www.parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise.html

Know what, son? You ain’t all that (thesun.co.uk)

Babies Understand Indicate Accent In Uterus

Posted on January 11, 2013 by ramanan50

Babies understand even from the womb of the mother.

They listen to sounds and are influenced by it.

This has been noticed in Legends and Ithihasas of India.

In Mahabharata, Abhimanu learns of Chakra Vyuha when he was in the womb of his mother Subhadra and his father , after teaching him as to how to enter the Vyuha, leaves the bedside with out teaching how to get out.

Abhimany gets killed later in a War having entered the Vyuha and unable to come out of it.

Researches had indicated that babies could listen to the sounds.

Now it is understood that they can understand the accents of Mother and can distinguish between accents of languages.

Scroll down for Video.

Baby in Uterus.

Story:

Abstract

Aims

To test the hypothesis that exposure to ambient language in the womb alters phonetic perception shortly after birth. This two-country study aimed to see whether neonates demonstrated prenatal learning by how they responded to vowels in a category from their native language and another non-native language, regardless of how much postnatal experience the infants had.

Method

A counterbalanced experiment was conducted in Sweden (n = 40) and the USA (n = 40) using Swedish and English vowel sounds. The neonates (mean postnatal age = 33 h) controlled audio presentation of either native or non-native vowels by sucking on a pacifier, with the number of times they sucked their pacifier being used to demonstrate what vowel sounds attracted their attention. The vowels were either the English/i/or Swedish/y/in the form of a prototype plus 16 variants of the prototype.

Results

The infants in the native and non-native groups responded differently. As predicted, the infants responded to the unfamiliar non-native language with higher mean sucks. They also sucked more to the non-native prototype. Time since birth (range: 7–75 h) did not affect the outcome.

Conclusion

The ambient language to which foetuses are exposed in the womb starts to affect their perception of their native language at a phonetic level. This can be measured shortly after birth by differences in responding to familiar vs. unfamiliar vowels.

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/apa.12098/abstract

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/07/babies-seem-to-pick-up-language-in-utero/?partner=rss&emc=rss

A Mother’s Agony’ Over Her Son.You Are Not Alone.

Posted on November 16, 2012 by ramanan50

I read a moving article on blogher,by a Mother on her son..

It was agonizing to go through the article.

Why is it the children behave the way they do?

Is it because they take the Parents granted?

Or is it because they are the people who would not hit back because of Love and Affection?

Yes Children raised themselves on their own.

Parents did nothing.

Parents are some thing to be ridiculed and insulted.

A seed also becomes a tree begetting seeds.

The last line of the Mother was poignant.

‘I don’t know. But please tell me I’m not alone. And that it will be okay.’

Rest Assured, You are not Alone.

Read the Related Story.

I can only quote Shakespeare.

‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
To have a thankless child.
King Lear (1.4.280)

Story:

A Mother’s Agony Over Her Son.

I’m going to be honest with you guys. I’m really tired of my son.

The level of disrespect and general level of unhappiness is becoming so distressing that I’m barely functioning as his mother. I don’t want to be around him. I don’t want to do anything for him.

I’ve given this so much thought — maybe too much. What am I doing wrong? Why is he so unhappy? Is he depressed? Do we have a real issue here?

I don’t have the answer. He is generally a normal, happy boy. Until it comes to me or his father. The way he treats us is just…horrifying. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is ever right. Ever enough.

Why? How did we create this person who disrespects, demands, and blames us for everything? How did he become so… spoiled?

What do you do when all you want to do is scream, and cry, and hit, and run away?

What do you do when it’s always just boiling. Festering.

When the last thing you want to hear is anyone’s voice. Whether disrespecting, whining, asking, needing.

When you can’t for the LIFE of you imagine what else they could possibly need. What you AREN’T doing?

When the more you give them, the more they want. The more they complain. The more they tell you they hate you. What a terrible mother you are.

Who am I raising? And what am I doing wrong. Isn’t the way he treats me a reflection on my motherhood?

I love him so much. This is not the mother I wanted to be. I wanted to be the mother who has long talks, and listens, and encourages moving away from the norm. Using imagination, experimentation. Trial and error.

But I’m not.

I’m the mother who needs strict adherence to the rules. The routine. Do it now the way I want it done before my head blows off.

I don’t know why. Because I work from here, and I need some level of understanding and order? Because I just need people to not be contradictory even for just a little while?

http://www.blogher.com/one-where-i-spill-my-guts-about-my-sons-behavior

Sons Leave Dad to rot and Die.

Two West Seattle brothers accused of literally leaving their father to rot to death now face felony elderly-abuse charges.

King County prosecutors contend Kenneth and Keith Shaw lived rent-free in their parents’ Alki neighborhood home while their 86-year-old father wasted away, neglected. Police contend the pair of 50-somethings refused to move their parents into a nursing home because they wanted to inherit their parents’ ample savings.

Conditions were so bad when paramedics arrived in November 2010 that a trail of blood followed Kyle Shaw Jr. as the first responders carried him from the home, Seattle Police Det. Suzanne Moore told the court.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Sons-accused-after-elderly-West-Seattle-man-rots-4042130.php#ixzz2CNEWvPKQ