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Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Hinduism On Children Illegitimate Children

In Hinduism on October 23, 2014 at 11:52

Hinduism accords importance to Familial relationships.

 

Duties of each member of the Family is set,Man,Wife,children,Brother,Sister and elders.

 

However the emphasis  is more on the duties of the son.

 

Hindu Symbol OM.jpg

Hindu Symbol OM

 

Hinduism considers the begetting of a male child to be auspicious as they believe that the son prevents the parents entering the Hell called ‘Puth’

 

The name for son is Puthra, one who prevents parents from entering Puth.

 

The Smritis state that a son is to be treated as,

 

a King till he is Five years old.

 

as Slave from 5 to Fifteen and

 

a friend after Fifteen years.

 

A son is not to be praised in his face.

 

His mistakes are to be pointed out.

 

a son has to be educated within one’s  means.

 

As children can not understand the difficulties of running a family(till they are fifteen NoFamily affairs are not to be discussed with them nor their opinion sought even for their education.

 

Once they are married all decisions are to be taken after discussing with them, not necessarily following them.

 

They have to be taught etiquette  and discipline as set forth in the Taittriya Upanishad in Siksha Valli.

 

The son , when he comes of age is expected to run the family and he parents have to maintain themselves , either by staying in the family or withdrawing to the forest as a vanaprastha.

 

If the Mother is not willing she has to be left in the care of the son.

 

The son  is the Guardian of the Mother.

 

The son is the next authority in running the Family and he has to take of his sisters as a father.

 

His wife occupies the next place in the Family after the Mother and Father.

 

The son is to perform the Funeral rites of the Parents.

 

He shall perform all the duties of  the Father, including  the performance of all Poojas and Rituals prescribed for the Family, after the Seemantha for his wife is performed.

 

If a Man does not have a child, he has to adopt his daughter’s child as his son.

 

Following ceremonies are performed for the Son.

 

1.Punyahavachana.

2.Namakarana, naming the child.

3.Ayush Homa till he attains Five Years.

4.Ear-piercing,Karnabhushana.

5.Head tonsuring.

6.Upanayana.

7.Marriage.

8.Seemantha for His wife.

 

Illegitimate children.

 

Children of an Unmarried woman,

 

Child of son’s pregnant Bride,

 

Son of twice married woman,

 

Son of an adopted daughter,

 

Adopted son,

 

All belong to the family

 

In the absence of legitimate  children, the illegitimate children  receive one-fourth of the Estate.

 

Gautama Sutra 28.18.

 

Manu on Illegitimate Children

By the sacred tradition the woman is declared to be the soil (or the field), the man is declared to be the seed; the production of all corporeal beings takes place through the union of the soil with the seed.” (Manu. IX.33)

“Those who, having no property in a field, but possessing seed-corn, sow it in another’s soil, do not receive the grain of the crop which may spring forth.” (Manu.IX.49)

“If (one man’s) bull were to beget a hundred calves on another man’s cows, they (i.e., the calves) would belong to the owner of the cows; in vain would the bull have spent its strength.” (Manu.IX.50)

“Thus men who have no marital property in women, but sow their seed in the soil of others, benefit the owner of the woman; but the giver of the seed reaps no benefit.” (Manu.IX.51)

 

Citation.

 

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/advaitin/conversations/messages/55496

 

http://www.hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/h_children.asp

 

 

Parents Complaints To Children

In lifestyle on October 20, 2014 at 09:54

There comes a stage when the parents start complaining to their children about each other, instead of children complaining about siblings.

 

Either the wife or the husband complains to the daughter or son.

 

This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not.

 

 

Recently I had a call on this from a son, settled abroad,on this.

 

He was worried about this.

 

Each of the parents have complained about the other.

 

The Boy wanted to solve the issue

 

The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.

 

He told me he wanted to talk to them separately and set the things right.

 

He sought my advise.

 

My answer was to do nothing of the sort.

 

Any marital relationship is bound have disagreements.

 

One is dissatisfied with the other.

 

Matured ones know to leave the disagreements and proceed as if nothing has happened, provided the grouse is not about genuine harassment or involving adultery.

 

But as one grows old,th children grown up, the parents seek solace in their children.

 

They do not wish to let  their affairs known to outside the family.

 

They need an out let to share their feelings.

 

That’s all and nothing more even though they may not admit it.

 

Talking to grown up children who are understanding enough reduces tension and gives a feeling that there is someone who listens to problems sympathetically and consoles.

 

What the children need to do is to  listen to the issue or complaints as one would to a close friend and emphasize with them, with out making an adverse comment about the other parent.

 

Talk to them,console them and assure them that you shall talk to the other party and resolve.

 

But do not talk to the other party on this.

 

This approach, I have seen, has helped a lot of people.

 

These things shall pass in Life.

 

Most of the complications in Life arise out of the mistaken notion that all problems can be solved by active participation.

 

And undue importance given to regular natural incidents.

 

One should be mature enough to understand what a serious problem is.

 

Some of these quick fixes for imagined problems arise out of blindly following western thought s about solving problems.

 

In most cases the cure turns out worse than the disease.

 

 

Who Is Good Do We Know

In Hinduism, Parenting on August 28, 2014 at 19:35

I recently watched the popular talk show on StarVijay TV with participation from parents,teachers and students.

 

And what the teachers see as good and how do they identify the Good Student in general and a Good man in particular.

 

To my shock none of them have been able to specify a single attribute that characterizes a good Man.

 

The yard stick to determine One who is Good seems to be,

 

1.Good education with top rank.

2.Settling well in Life.

3,Respect to elders.

4.Punctuality.

5.Good communication skills.

6.Well groomed.

7.Being open with parents in sharing their personal experiences including Love affairs.

8.Respecting parents.

 

None of them have been able to specify a single Human value, excepting one man who said ‘Love others’, that makes a Good man or woman.

 

Truthfulness, Honesty,Integrity,Righteousness, Concern for others,Helping others,flexibility in handling Life’s problems…

 

Where are we heading?

 

Is Life all about getting a Rank and settling (?) in Life with self-centered existence?

 

Is the anchor rightly pointed out, all the people in the show indicated what they do not want to see in  Man or woman, implying that they have a Clear concept of what is bad and none at all about what is Good!

 

When you do not know what Good is how do you set standards for your children?

 

I recall the statement by Henri Bosanquet on the question of defining what Good is,

 

‘Just as you can not explain what the color of yellow is to one who is born Color Blind, you can not explain what Good is to one who has never done anything Good in Life”

 

I consider this as the best definition.

 

And what defines Bad?

‘Doing things in Public which you would be ashamed of doing it in Private”

 

Well we from the land of Bharat are not short of Dharma Sastras or Moral literature.

 

Let us look a simple one from Tamil, Athichoodi by Avvaiyar.

 

தமிழ் எழுத்து தமிழ் வாக்கியம் English Translation
அறம் செய விரும்பு Intend to do right deeds
ஆறுவது சினம் Anger will be cooled off,Cool your Anger
இயல்வது கரவேல் Give to others what you can
ஈவது விலக்கேல் Do not stop, discourage others when they attempt to help others
உடையது விளம்பேல் Never be boastful of your possession
ஊக்கமது கைவிடேல் Never loose enthusiasm
எண் எழுத்து இகழேல் Learn the Three R’s
ஏற்பது இகழ்ச்சி Never accept Alms
ஐயமிட்டு உண் Feed others before you eat
ஒப்புர வொழுகு Move with world, act in harmony with the others.
ஓதுவது ஒழியேல் Never give up learning
ஒள ஒளவியம் பேசேல் Never gossip
அஃகஞ் சுருக்கேல் Never short change in Business

The fine point is that the first letter of all these Truisms  start with the Tamil Alphabets in order.

There is more.

 

One may learn this and pass on to children instead of Jack and Jill, Baba Black Sheep, Rain rain go Away in country where the Climate is Hot and there is dearth of rains.

Hope elders learn this first.

 

Baby Abuse By Maid Videos For Parents

In Parenting on May 30, 2014 at 12:22

Those who are after crass materialism, justifying the craze for Money and creature comforts, with the excuse of citing ‘cost of living,those who say this

 

themselves are not convinced of this), must watch these Videos of Babies being left to the care of the Maids.

 

I do not wan to add any comment as the videos are enough and for more information on these and parenting, check my posts on parenting/lifestyle.

 

 

 

” A baby-sitter was caught on the CCTV torturing an 11-month-old boy in Narhe on May 7.

The Dattawadi police on Tuesday arrested Baby Laxman Patole, 42, a resident of Ramtekdi in Hadapsar, following a complaint lodged by the parents, who work in a BPO.

“My wife and I have to work night shifts. So, to look after our son we hired Patole from a city-based agency about seven days before the incident,” the boy’s father told Times of India. Patole was clearly told about her working hours. “We also told her that our flat is under CCTV surveillance and that she should remain alert,” he said.

The parents, however, realized the baby was not happy with Patole. “He would cry aloud when we left for work. This made us suspicious, so we checked the CCTV footage. We were shocked. On the night of May 7, my son was crying as he could not sleep. Patole switched off the light and also pulled the curtains. She then slapped my son. When he cried loudly, she threw him on the bean bag and flung him holding his hands,” the father said.

Patole was not aware that the CCTV cameras had night-vision facility.

 

News source.

Times of India

 

 

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Principles Of Parenting In The Vedas Hinduism

In Hinduism, Parenting on April 18, 2014 at 12:57

 

Hinduism takes parenting as it takes everything about Life or Death.

 

It does not accord  Parenting any special place or does it ignore it.

 

It treats as a routine affair of Life and treats is such.

Sikshavalli, Taittriya Upanishad Rules behaviour for Children

Principles Of Life,Taittiriya Upanishad

 

Conceiving and giving Birth to a Child and bringing it up is taken so naturally as it treats the highest thoughts of Philosophy .

 

It considers all these as a Natural process and one need not be overly concerned about this  as such.

 

The Vedas offer basic Guide lines.

 

1.Dharmachara, Righteous Conduct.

 

Behavior should be according to the Dharma, Moral Principle.

 

Parents are expected to behave he way they expect their children to behave towards them or others when they become adults.

 

Parents are prohibited from using vulgar language or the use of harsh words in front of their children.

 

 

2.Dharma Svagriha.

 

Worship at Home.

 

Parents should set an examples of following the Anushtaanas laid down for them in the Shastras.

 

They must perform Sandyavandan thrice a Day.

 

Perform other duties like Aupaasanam and other nithya karmas-read my posts on Rituals of Hindus, Samskaaras.

 

Give the pride of place for the family Deity.

 

Worship the Gods at fixed time daily at Home.

 

Vedas do not speak about. building a Temple, much less visiting Temples.

 

3.Dharma Sambhashana.

 

Talking about Righteousness , Moral Books, Purans, Itihaas and of course the Vedas.

 

Parents are expected to read and teach children these sacred texts.

 

“Children should grow in the awareness of the brotherhood of man and the fatherhood of God. If no provision is made for this atmosphere and this teaching, we are denying them their due.”-Atharva Veda

 

The scripture also cautions parents that if children learn to worship money and material things, they will grow up admiring cruelty and deceit, rather than love and compassion.

 

4.Dharma Svadhyaya, Self Study

 

Self study is given priority.

 

Children are to be sent to Gurkula, Home of The Teaher, at the age of Five, after having performed Upanayana, for a minimum twelve years.

 

At the Gurukul,which would be their Home for the next twelve years, the children are taught, apart from the Vedas , the other Sciences like Maths,

Physics,Biology, Warfare and the like.

 

After completing the Gurukul vasa the individual is  expected to engage himself in Self Study.

 

This is not time bound.

 

One is expected to learn throughout his Life.

 

5. Dharma Sangha. Follow a Preceptor.

 

One is expected to follow a Preceptor.

 

The Spiritual Guru is to be chosen carefully.

 

If one’s desire is strong enough, the Guru shall seek him.

 

The Taittriyopanishad  contains elaborate instructions to the Student.

 

 

Taittiirya Upanishad Text Translation pdf

 

Taittiriya Upanishad Lectures

 

 

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