Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Parents Complaints To Children

In lifestyle on October 20, 2014 at 09:54

There comes a stage when the parents start complaining to their children about each other, instead of children complaining about siblings.


Either the wife or the husband complains to the daughter or son.


This happens when the parents cross fifty and children start earning or get married,whether the son stays with the parents or not.



Recently I had a call on this from a son, settled abroad,on this.


He was worried about this.


Each of the parents have complained about the other.


The Boy wanted to solve the issue


The Boy is over 35 and the parents in their sixties.


He told me he wanted to talk to them separately and set the things right.


He sought my advise.


My answer was to do nothing of the sort.


Any marital relationship is bound have disagreements.


One is dissatisfied with the other.


Matured ones know to leave the disagreements and proceed as if nothing has happened, provided the grouse is not about genuine harassment or involving adultery.


But as one grows old,th children grown up, the parents seek solace in their children.


They do not wish to let  their affairs known to outside the family.


They need an out let to share their feelings.


That’s all and nothing more even though they may not admit it.


Talking to grown up children who are understanding enough reduces tension and gives a feeling that there is someone who listens to problems sympathetically and consoles.


What the children need to do is to  listen to the issue or complaints as one would to a close friend and emphasize with them, with out making an adverse comment about the other parent.


Talk to them,console them and assure them that you shall talk to the other party and resolve.


But do not talk to the other party on this.


This approach, I have seen, has helped a lot of people.


These things shall pass in Life.


Most of the complications in Life arise out of the mistaken notion that all problems can be solved by active participation.


And undue importance given to regular natural incidents.


One should be mature enough to understand what a serious problem is.


Some of these quick fixes for imagined problems arise out of blindly following western thought s about solving problems.


In most cases the cure turns out worse than the disease.



Who Is Good Do We Know

In Hinduism, Parenting on August 28, 2014 at 19:35

I recently watched the popular talk show on StarVijay TV with participation from parents,teachers and students.


And what the teachers see as good and how do they identify the Good Student in general and a Good man in particular.


To my shock none of them have been able to specify a single attribute that characterizes a good Man.


The yard stick to determine One who is Good seems to be,


1.Good education with top rank.

2.Settling well in Life.

3,Respect to elders.


5.Good communication skills.

6.Well groomed.

7.Being open with parents in sharing their personal experiences including Love affairs.

8.Respecting parents.


None of them have been able to specify a single Human value, excepting one man who said ‘Love others’, that makes a Good man or woman.


Truthfulness, Honesty,Integrity,Righteousness, Concern for others,Helping others,flexibility in handling Life’s problems…


Where are we heading?


Is Life all about getting a Rank and settling (?) in Life with self-centered existence?


Is the anchor rightly pointed out, all the people in the show indicated what they do not want to see in  Man or woman, implying that they have a Clear concept of what is bad and none at all about what is Good!


When you do not know what Good is how do you set standards for your children?


I recall the statement by Henri Bosanquet on the question of defining what Good is,


‘Just as you can not explain what the color of yellow is to one who is born Color Blind, you can not explain what Good is to one who has never done anything Good in Life”


I consider this as the best definition.


And what defines Bad?

‘Doing things in Public which you would be ashamed of doing it in Private”


Well we from the land of Bharat are not short of Dharma Sastras or Moral literature.


Let us look a simple one from Tamil, Athichoodi by Avvaiyar.


தமிழ் எழுத்து தமிழ் வாக்கியம் English Translation
அறம் செய விரும்பு Intend to do right deeds
ஆறுவது சினம் Anger will be cooled off,Cool your Anger
இயல்வது கரவேல் Give to others what you can
ஈவது விலக்கேல் Do not stop, discourage others when they attempt to help others
உடையது விளம்பேல் Never be boastful of your possession
ஊக்கமது கைவிடேல் Never loose enthusiasm
எண் எழுத்து இகழேல் Learn the Three R’s
ஏற்பது இகழ்ச்சி Never accept Alms
ஐயமிட்டு உண் Feed others before you eat
ஒப்புர வொழுகு Move with world, act in harmony with the others.
ஓதுவது ஒழியேல் Never give up learning
ஒள ஒளவியம் பேசேல் Never gossip
அஃகஞ் சுருக்கேல் Never short change in Business

The fine point is that the first letter of all these Truisms  start with the Tamil Alphabets in order.

There is more.


One may learn this and pass on to children instead of Jack and Jill, Baba Black Sheep, Rain rain go Away in country where the Climate is Hot and there is dearth of rains.

Hope elders learn this first.


Baby Abuse By Maid Videos For Parents

In Parenting on May 30, 2014 at 12:22

Those who are after crass materialism, justifying the craze for Money and creature comforts, with the excuse of citing ‘cost of living,those who say this


themselves are not convinced of this), must watch these Videos of Babies being left to the care of the Maids.


I do not wan to add any comment as the videos are enough and for more information on these and parenting, check my posts on parenting/lifestyle.




” A baby-sitter was caught on the CCTV torturing an 11-month-old boy in Narhe on May 7.

The Dattawadi police on Tuesday arrested Baby Laxman Patole, 42, a resident of Ramtekdi in Hadapsar, following a complaint lodged by the parents, who work in a BPO.

“My wife and I have to work night shifts. So, to look after our son we hired Patole from a city-based agency about seven days before the incident,” the boy’s father told Times of India. Patole was clearly told about her working hours. “We also told her that our flat is under CCTV surveillance and that she should remain alert,” he said.

The parents, however, realized the baby was not happy with Patole. “He would cry aloud when we left for work. This made us suspicious, so we checked the CCTV footage. We were shocked. On the night of May 7, my son was crying as he could not sleep. Patole switched off the light and also pulled the curtains. She then slapped my son. When he cried loudly, she threw him on the bean bag and flung him holding his hands,” the father said.

Patole was not aware that the CCTV cameras had night-vision facility.


News source.

Times of India



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Principles Of Parenting In The Vedas Hinduism

In Hinduism, Parenting on April 18, 2014 at 12:57


Hinduism takes parenting as it takes everything about Life or Death.


It does not accord  Parenting any special place or does it ignore it.


It treats as a routine affair of Life and treats is such.

Sikshavalli, Taittriya Upanishad Rules behaviour for Children

Principles Of Life,Taittiriya Upanishad


Conceiving and giving Birth to a Child and bringing it up is taken so naturally as it treats the highest thoughts of Philosophy .


It considers all these as a Natural process and one need not be overly concerned about this  as such.


The Vedas offer basic Guide lines.


1.Dharmachara, Righteous Conduct.


Behavior should be according to the Dharma, Moral Principle.


Parents are expected to behave he way they expect their children to behave towards them or others when they become adults.


Parents are prohibited from using vulgar language or the use of harsh words in front of their children.



2.Dharma Svagriha.


Worship at Home.


Parents should set an examples of following the Anushtaanas laid down for them in the Shastras.


They must perform Sandyavandan thrice a Day.


Perform other duties like Aupaasanam and other nithya karmas-read my posts on Rituals of Hindus, Samskaaras.


Give the pride of place for the family Deity.


Worship the Gods at fixed time daily at Home.


Vedas do not speak about. building a Temple, much less visiting Temples.


3.Dharma Sambhashana.


Talking about Righteousness , Moral Books, Purans, Itihaas and of course the Vedas.


Parents are expected to read and teach children these sacred texts.


“Children should grow in the awareness of the brotherhood of man and the fatherhood of God. If no provision is made for this atmosphere and this teaching, we are denying them their due.”-Atharva Veda


The scripture also cautions parents that if children learn to worship money and material things, they will grow up admiring cruelty and deceit, rather than love and compassion.


4.Dharma Svadhyaya, Self Study


Self study is given priority.


Children are to be sent to Gurkula, Home of The Teaher, at the age of Five, after having performed Upanayana, for a minimum twelve years.


At the Gurukul,which would be their Home for the next twelve years, the children are taught, apart from the Vedas , the other Sciences like Maths,

Physics,Biology, Warfare and the like.


After completing the Gurukul vasa the individual is  expected to engage himself in Self Study.


This is not time bound.


One is expected to learn throughout his Life.


5. Dharma Sangha. Follow a Preceptor.


One is expected to follow a Preceptor.


The Spiritual Guru is to be chosen carefully.


If one’s desire is strong enough, the Guru shall seek him.


The Taittriyopanishad  contains elaborate instructions to the Student.



Taittiirya Upanishad Text Translation pdf


Taittiriya Upanishad Lectures



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Elder Abuse By Children Facebook Discussion.

In Parenting on February 4, 2014 at 17:25

Recently I shared a few of my posts on Elderly abuse by their children to Facebook Communities of which I am a member.

This is the Post.

Senior citizen abuse.

Children Leave parents at Old Age Homes


I was happy and sad at the same time .

Happy because the post generated a lot of discussion with members speaking out with out inhibition.

Sad because it revealed to me the malaise that is eating our Society.

Though the views of the communities need not reflect the views of all the other Communities in general, this particular community views are taken as a model for others despite their bashing this Community.

During the course of the discussions I came across views, which I will sum up as it would be unethical to post them direct here.

1.All agree that there is this problem of leaving the elderly in Old Age Homes

.2.The elderly also prefer it.

3.This, from the trend and profiles I could gleam, seems to be from NRI .( parents of NRIs and the parents themselves)

4.It is my impression that there seems to be communication disconnect between the Parents and the Children.

5.Children do want to keep them at Home.

6.Sad was a comment the children is ‘an Insurance for parents’ posted by a Parent.

7.Equally appalling was a comment that “Parents are incorrigible and make the Life of Children Hell”

I have posted my views in the group discussion.

Then there was a question of Duty of Sons (No body spoke about daughters!)

The point is that where was this problem, say 40 years ago?

Agreed that we had differences at Homes with parents with us, we never thought that ‘they were living with us’ rather’ we were living in a Home’

Tiffs are always sorted out,

Then why so now?

1.People have gone after monetary values alone.

Parents want their sons to go abroad , especially the US for Higher Studies and Jobs.

When they get a Green Card, the parents feel that they own the world.

Forgetting that the values and the standard of Living shall make sure that they do not return.

If you have sent your child abroad you should be prepared for it.

Alternately, you should stay with them there.

If you a can not stay because you  want to come to your Native place,  then you have no other  option but to stay here alone or in an Old Age Home.

You can not blame the children for it.

Not that you need not send your children abroad, but only that you should have the maturity to handle the consequences.

2.Interfering in Grown up children’s day-to-day affairs.

Many elderly do resort to this as a sign of showing their control of the Household.

It produces the opposite reaction.

You have run the family for nearly 30 t0 40 years and you have taught , or you thought you had taught your children to face Life,.

Why not leave them be?

What could they do?

They might make mistakes. like you and I ( should this be ‘Me’) have made when we were young, or for that matter even now.

Why not admit that the younger generation may be, in fact, is more intelligent in handling practical Life than we did?

Let them run the family the way they want.

If you have brought them up well and proper they would have the basic Morals alright.

That would do.

Not the silly expectation of them coming to you and submitting their account and informing you where they are gong and what they are doing.

We have run our Race,

Let the Relay race run.If you run along  the relay runner, you Team, The Family, will lose.

Elders need to handle this with maturity.

2.For Children.

Parents are not your enemies.

They say and do hings for you, they may not know to how to go about saying or doing it.

Do not suspect their Love or their concern for you.

They are not Incorrigible.

These incorrigible idiots made you into what you are to-day, even enabling you to speak this way.

The value of parents will be known when they are no more.

Only Parents love you for what You are.-with all your warts.

Others for What You have.

PS.I have not touched the actual Physical and mental abuse of Parents here.

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