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Posts Tagged ‘child’

Pocket Money Alarming Trends IndiaTakes Action

In Education, Parenting on August 31, 2013 at 13:04

Pocket Money is the money given to children by the parents to spend.

Pocket Money in India

Pocket Money In India, A Study.

This is addition to what is being provided at Home by way of Food, Shelter Clothing, Study expenses and in fact covers everything.

This concept  is a new one, since about fifteen years,;even then, it was not followed as it is being done now.

We were provided  every thing by the parents at Home(about 50 years back) and I did not even know what to ask.

I used accept what was given by my father.

Even School textbooks were not asked for.

If I needed something, which was rare, at times I used to ask my mother and what I wanted was provided, but never Money.

Today, we find Pocket Money is being demanded as a matter of Right by the children and parents also consider this as a part of a Child growing into an adult!

It sounds funny.

Why does a child require Money and why do parents encourage it?

One point is that the peer Pressure exerted on the Parents by the other parents  on the one hand  and , on the other,the pressure exerted by the child’s friends.

Many parents resort to this practice to show their status,also to assuage their guilt feeling of not being with the child  as much as they would like because of the fact that both Husband and wife are employed.

They think they are compensating this by giving money to children.

At a relatively young age, say up to 10 years, if you bring up the child properly. the child would not ask for Pocket Money and what it needs is the fact that the Father/Mother personally  bought something for him

Once you allow the child the taste of money, it never leaves.

The child develops a taste for things which it can not afford and assumes that the Money is there merely for the asking.

When you have money, one tends to spend on things one does not need, this applies more to Adults,look at your credit card purchase-s you would have bought things which you would otherwise have not bought if you hard currency ;such being the case, imagine a child!

When the child has  more money it tends to develop bad habits like Smoking< Drinking and begin to use drugs.

As usual parents are the last to know of this.

Then things had gone beyond control.

Another serious implication is that when the child does not get the money from you it starts stealing , first from Home ,then later from other people.

I am not sounding an undue Alarm.

Survey at .

http://www.bemoneyaware.com/survey.php

This I have observed in quite a number of cases.

The issue has assumed such serious proportions that the Government of India has come out with a Scheme to regulate this and create an awareness among the students and the parents.

I am providing some thoughts from another source;

Pocket money as the name suggests is money given to children to take care of petty expenses. This amount of money can be given by parents’ everyday, every week or every month or even on adhoc basis, as and when the child requires it. As long as the child has the freedom to spend the money, it will be deemed as pocket money.

Parents extensively differ in their perspectives of whether or not to give pocket money to children. Some parents believe that pocket money should not be given since

*
That will make the child feel that ‘parents money is not his/her money’,
*
‘It could lead to fights between children’,
*
‘Unhealthy competition amongst children on the amount of pocket money they get’
*
Loss of control on where children spend the money’

However, giving pocket money to children has several advantages:

*
Children feel a sense of independence and responsibility towards spending the money the right way. They learn & understand the value of money. They also learn to understand that amount of money is limited and they need to always choose between their various desires to ensure correct use of their pocket money.
*
Children get into the habit of planned income and expenditure. They also learn about saving & budgeting. For eg: if they want to buy a present for their mother’s birthday, they will need to put aside some amount of money every month to collect the commensurate amount and buy the gift.
*
Giving pocket money to children also makes them feel an important part of the family since they know that they get a part of the family’s monthly income.
Some parents even believe in their children earning pocket money. What does that mean? It means that parents can often inculcate values/ beliefs/ actions in their children by rewarding them for it in the form of pocket money. In such cases, parents divide the pocket money amount in two parts:

*
One that is given on a timely basis.
*
Second that is earned against some house jobs. For eg: every Sunday, you could start giving a fixed sum of money to your son if he helps his father in cleaning the car. Or if your daughter helps around in dusting the house. This will in a way also inculcate the habit of weekly cleanliness in them since childhood. Similarly, if you strongly wish to inculcate the value of ‘ helping others’ in your children, you could promise them an extra sum of money during summer vacations if they help your maid’s child learn the basics of math.

Pocket Money , Indian Government Initiative.

Pocket Money – Financial Education in Schools
NISM has developed a program to impart basic financial skills to school students (Classes VIII upwards). Named as ‘Pocket Money’, this program has been developed as an eight (90 minute) session course.This is a joint initiative being conducted by SEBI and NISM. We have done a pilot initiative covering 30 schools and 4000 students. We will soon be launching the program in various parts of the country.

For more information about this program please go through this short presentation:

Download here for the programme.

The Government is tying up with schools and educate children , parents and the Teachers on this issue.

http://www.nism.ac.in/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=262&Itemid=233

http://www.indiachildren.com/growing/10to15y/pocketmoney.htm

Studies On Pocket Money in India.

A 2011 study by ASSOCHAM on “Current Pocket Money Trends in Urban India” spoke to over 3,000 respondents in the 12-20 years age group in five metros, including Chennai (which was at the bottom of the list in terms of pocket money – the maximum was Rs.5,000). Shockingly, it revealed that children were getting pocket money upwards of Rs.12,000 in India, many times more than the few thousands that children were used to getting just six years ago. Apparently, big budget items that kids were going in for was gadgets (55 per cent), 25 per cent spent money on movies and malls, and about 20 per cent on eating out.

“Food is on top of the list – for all children, irrespective of their socio economic strata. If they have money, they buy food. Unfortunately, most of it is junk food and fizzy drinks,” Dr. Kumarababu explains.

Coupled with a sedentary lifestyle, this leads to obesity and a whole string of metabolic disorders that are best prevented at a young age, doctors say. The next big spending is on gadgets and on video games CDs and DVDs, all of which further encourage a sedentary life.

http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/chennai/pocket-money-may-encourage-deviant-behaviour-in-kids/article2876324.ece

My suggestion is not to give Pocket Money right from the early childhood and provide children what they need by yourself.

In case you can not avoid this , make sure the child keeps an account and shows it to you daily.

Schools may encourage children to save and set Marks for Saving for A  ‘Pass’/Rank.

‘Only Child’ Facts For Better Parenting.

In Parenting on June 13, 2013 at 08:43

There are some Myths about  the ‘Only Child“.

Lauren Sanders makes some observations on the ‘Only Child’

The 'Only Child'

‘Only Child’

I am sharing my views on this subject and her observation are provided after that.

I was the last child for my Parents.My sister and brothers were old enough to be my Parents , they were married before I was born and were living in other cities from our Home.

1. I was brought up, for all practical purposes, as ‘only Child” ,It  is not necessary for parents to have another child to make a child ‘only child’,it is the way he is brought up.

I am amazed at the fuss my Daughter and daughter in law make  and the efforts they put up in bringing up children,

My son and son-in-law are not far behind.

My parents did not spend ‘quality time, as fancy terms indicate, with me.

I used to take food as it was given to me without any attempt to feed me(after I was Three),went to school on my own without parent’s accompanying and generally did what a child is expected of, playing on the street till called Home(from 630 am to 8,430 pm to six pm).

I never felt alone and was always busy.

Never have i felt that I was being brought up differently.

I am given to understand that I mix with people freely and easy to get along with.

But as Myth would have it I should have been an introvert, reserved and difficult to get along with; I am not.

This nails the myth that ‘only child’ is lonely, difficult to get on along with and is prone for maladjustment later in Life.

2.I have not been pampered.

I f I want something I used to ask my mother, which will be conveyed to my father,by her.

If he can not afford it, he would call me and say that he could not afford it.

My tantrums would be of no avail.

This has not made me adamant and cantankerous in my later Life.

3.Being the ‘only child’ has not made me any more selfish than any other child.

I am selfish as any other child and my daughter tells me I am selfish especially in Food, when I fight for Ice cream and chocolates with my Grandson, 4!

4.I had no idea what ‘shared strength’ is all about. till I heard the term recently.

The fact that Parents have more children does not make them to share less with children no dor  parents Love one child the less.

This feeling is an illusion , for Love can not be quantified.

However it is a fact that parents do have a special fondness for a particular child, not that they love the other children less,

In general, I have seen fathers more attached emotionally to their Daughters.

In fact  a Man sees his Mother in his daughter,

I do not know about Women.

5.It is a contradiction to observe that the eldest child gets priority in a Home and in some Homes the youngest’ it is the things are.

In short I am of the conviction that Children and emotions are not quantifiable and any conclusions based on these assumptions are incorrect and sends a wrong message to Parents.

Story:

The three biggest myths, she says, turn into one word – lonelyselfishmaladjusted – when people talk about us, despite the hundreds of studies that show only children are no different than people with siblings. It is a knowledge gap with consequences. The stereotypes “are really infringing on the lives of parents and especially mothers,” Sandler says. “They have their first kid for them and a second for the other kid. If the reason they’re doing that is that only children are somehow screwed up, then the reasoning is flawed.”

As I dared to exhale, she laid out the facts:

1. Only children are not lonely. This is true, but with a few qualifications. School-aged only children are not lonelier. However, those in rural areas might be somewhat more so, and adolescent onlys get lonely because they are teenagers. And grown-up only children coping with the needs and then the loss of aging parents do tend to feel more isolated than others in the same boat. “For me, personally, it is not a reason to have another kid,” Sandler says, “just so my kid has a sibling when I die.”

2. Only children are not more selfish than other people. Instead, Sandler says, “we become generous and respectful people. We put a lot of weight on our relationships. We tend to be very giving friends, and we are no more narcissistic than anyone else. For some reason, researchers cannot believe this, and just keep testing.

3. Only children are not all spoiled. At least, no more spoiled than any other child might be. “There is a notion that only children are spoiled because they get everything their parents have to give,” Sandler says, “and end up with the pony in the backyard and the diamond tiara and have a snit when they don’t get what they want. That’s not my kid. It wasn’t me.”

4. Only children are not maladjusted. “All of the data around that shows us that as long as kids go to school they’re socialized,” Sandler says. “I tend to be the person throwing a party. I bought a house with friends.”

5. Only children do have shared strengths. High achievement, intelligence and self-esteem. Raised in a “rich verbal environment” we talk a lot — and with depth. But, Sandler says, just as preventing “lonelyselfishmaladjusted” is not a reason to have a second child, improving your child’s SAT score is not a reason to stop at one.

Source:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/only-child-myths-lauren-sandler_n_3424272.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents

Parenting Consistency Punishment Myths Facts

In Parenting on June 1, 2013 at 09:20

The first Myth is that you need to be trained and educated on Parenting.

Quote on Parenting.

Parenting Quote.

Parenting is instinctive and no body needs training or to be educated.

One picks it up as one becomes a parent.

I recall a Seminar was invited to deliver a Lecture on Parenting.

Knowing my views I tried to refuse.

But on their insistence, I attended it.

I requested them to speak towards the end.

Speakers after speakers stressed on Parental Stress,Adjustment,Consistency, setting examples, carrot and stick, Lifestyle adjustment etc.

I was the last to speak.

‘ All of you have listened to exposition on Parenting.

Animals do Parenting, take care of their children, those of you who are present here have been brought up by parents,most of them not educated, definitely have not attended courses on Parenting.

I see that all of you to have grown up to be normal Adults’

That’s my message and sat down.

That’s my view even now.

The first myth is that some parents say: why would I do things differently? I turned out just fine, so I guess my parents got it right and now I’m duplicating their system!

To those parents I’d like to say: what makes you feel so sure that this system will work for your child as well? Is your child a perfect copy of you? And wouldn’t it be nice to think of a system first and then decide what system to use instead of picking up the pieces afterwards, when it’s too late?”

True.

Be yourself, that’s enough.

Don’t try out to be what you are not.

“The second myth that I hear very often, from both parents and experts on this topic, is that you should let your child know who’s the boss, by punishing, blackmailing or rewarding your child! There are many, many books written why I think you should never even consider doing things like this. But the main reasons are that punishing and blackmailing are based on fear, otherwise, your child would not listen to you. Rewarding is based on dependency, otherwise your child would not be willing to do the things you want. This way, your child will never become an independent individual. In all cases, you are on the receiving end, as you always get what you want!”

There is no question of being a Boss with your child, it is ridiculous.

Act instinctively and do what you think is right for the child.

The third myth is that one should be consistent! It is a myth that I also hear often.

When I first became a parent, I also tried to be consistent, but I failed time after time. I simply could not keep it up. So in the end, I gave up completely. When I heard that being consistent is impossible, I felt so relieved! To put it even stronger: if you want to be consistent, you will need to suppress your own feelings and at times, will need to lie to your own child. This way, your child will never learn to take other people’s feelings into consideration. So now you know, this is a myth, and nothing else but a myth.”

Humans by Nature are and never can be consistent.

If you try you will become artificial and your child can detect it and avoid you!

Reference:

http://www.enannysource.com/blog/index.php/2013/05/29/expert-insights-with-laura-fobler-coach-and-author-of-the-parenting-struggle/

 

‘Children Space’, Parental Space, Sheer Non Sense

In Health, Parenting on February 6, 2013 at 10:49

There has been a lot of talk on child rearing now ,which has not been discussed in the past.

 

We have Behavioral Psychologists, Child Psychologists , Student Counselors and the list is long.

 

So are the problems from feeding an infant to Adolescent behavior.

 

I have come across this phrase quite often now.

Children playing in the open, India

Children playing in the open, India

 

Children‘s Space”

 

For the uninitiated  it means that the child has a world of its own and we, as Adults know nothing about and we need to train ourselves to communicate with them!

 

This applies more to Parents.

 

I do fail to understand.

 

Admitting that the child has a ‘Space, our world is different , we need to ‘get down to their world’ to get to know them, how can we help them grow into the world?

 

By going down to their level, we will be acting and guiding them from their stand point.

 

Right?

 

In that case am I not entering into the adult world, am I not assuming the role of an Adult at least while guiding them?

 

How do I tell them what is Right and Wrong?

 

Do I tell them or not?

 

And how do I tell them?

 

By kissing them as a child would and lisp ‘we should not do it’ and the child will follow?

 

If I have to do it,I have to do it as a parent,.

 

The child is an extension of Me.

 

The Society and the highly qualified Doctors not withstanding, I know my child better and I have a better interest in their welfare.

 

Aside…

 

Many of the Specialists’ Children, I know,  have all the problems, including what they treat  our children for and more than  us idiots’   normal children,  have.

 

In the process, what has happened to my Parental Space?

 

Dealing with Physical Disease one thing, I am not qualified,but emotional and value systems, I have a better interest and motivation.

 

Our patents knew nothing of these . nor did I do any of these.

 

I am alright and so are my children.

 

Before any Specialist jumps the Gun, I am Graduate in Psychology, but I have learnt that it is an evolving attempt to understand the Psyche of Man  and nothing more.

 

Excepting in extreme disorders,the role of a Psychologist is limited to the extent of drugging and suppressing symptoms.

 

Has Psychology defined ‘Intelligence,Personality,Personality Traits, Abnormality?’

 

At best Psychology describes these, at worst non sense.

 

We will not have any problem with the children, if Only,

 

Parents know to stay together in marriage,

 

Do not Drink,

 

Live with elders in the family,

 

Have regular and clean habits,

 

Good values in Life,

 

Do not send children to school at the age of # 3,

 

Force them to do things which are beyond them,

 

Send them to all Courses from Karate to Dancing,

 

Allow them to play in the open and do not lock them up in an apartment,

 

We watch TV and ask them not to watch…..!

 

 

 

 

 

Praising Kids And Effects

In Parenting on January 17, 2013 at 17:29

Today modern parenting seems to suggest that children need motivation and need to be praised periodically.

This principle is extended to Adults as well..

Praising Children.

Praising Children.

The habit of praising becomes a routine and it is recited as though by rote.

The funny habit of saying ”I Love you’ to spouse ritualistically daily every day more often at a fixed time with more or some similar phrases like ‘you look great’ sounds silly and insincere.

If it were to look silly to the observer , how much would it sound it to the person involved.!

This indiscriminate and insincere ritualistic praise heaped on the children spoil the children.

 

Be objective and praise the child when to.

 

Simple method to know whether your Praise  for children is insincere, check whether you become aware of it.

 

If yes, your praise is Insincere.

 

Let me quote a  Sanskrit saying.

 

Treat the Child as you would a King till 5 years,

 

As a Slave till 15  and

 

A Friend  after 15 .

 

 

“For example, suppose that Adam loves to eat broccoli. But every time he eats broccoli, his mom praises him for it. Consciously or unconsciously, Adam starts to question his motivation. Is he eating broccoli only for the praise? Adam changes his attitude toward broccoli-eating. It’s a chore, not a pleasure. If the praise ends, Adam loses interest in eating broccoli.

Does this sort of thing really happen? It’s been well-documented in cases where people are given tangible rewards each time they perform a particular behavior (e.g., giving your child some money each time he eats broccoli). The feedback appears to re-set a person’s attitude (Lepper and Henderlong 2000).

There’s less research showing that social rewards—like praise—can produce the same effect. However, a recent brain study reveals that social rewards (like praise) and tangible rewards (like money) activate the same regions of the brain (Izuma et al 2008). And a food-tasting experiment performed on children found that praise, like tangible rewards, made kids like a food less (Birch et al 1984).

But the key point seems to be that praise must be given every time, so that kids expect to be praised for the behavior .

When praise is unexpected or spontaneous, it remains a powerful motivating force.

So this doesn’t mean we can’t—or shouldn’t—praise our children for good behavior or a job well done. But suggests we should be cautious about overriding our kids’ natural sources of motivation.

At first blush, it might seem like a good idea to praise kids for out-performing their peers. After all, research has shown that such social-comparison praise enhances a child’s motivation and enjoyment of a task (see review in Henderlong and Lepper 2002)

If their competitive edge slips, kids are likely to lose motivation.

In essence, kids who are accustomed to social-comparison praise become poor losers.

Consider this experiment on American 4th and 5th graders (Corpus et al 2006). Kids were given a set of puzzles to complete and received either

• social-comparison praise

• mastery praise (i.e., comments about how the child had mastered the task)

OR

• no praise at all

Next, kids completed a second task. This time they were left without clear feedback about how they’d done.

How did this uncertainty affect each child’s motivation?

It depended on what kind of praise kids had received earlier. Those who had received social comparison praise suffered a loss of motivation. But kids who had received mastery praise showed enhanced motivation.

In other words, a history of social-comparison praise backfires the minute kids stop hearing that they’ve outperformed their peers.

http://www.parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise.html

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