There are some Myths about the ‘Only Child“.
Lauren Sanders makes some observations on the ‘Only Child’
I am sharing my views on this subject and her observation are provided after that.
I was the last child for my Parents.My sister and brothers were old enough to be my Parents , they were married before I was born and were living in other cities from our Home.
1. I was brought up, for all practical purposes, as ‘only Child” ,It is not necessary for parents to have another child to make a child ‘only child’,it is the way he is brought up.
I am amazed at the fuss my Daughter and daughter in law make and the efforts they put up in bringing up children,
My son and son-in-law are not far behind.
My parents did not spend ‘quality time, as fancy terms indicate, with me.
I used to take food as it was given to me without any attempt to feed me(after I was Three),went to school on my own without parent’s accompanying and generally did what a child is expected of, playing on the street till called Home(from 630 am to 8,430 pm to six pm).
I never felt alone and was always busy.
Never have i felt that I was being brought up differently.
I am given to understand that I mix with people freely and easy to get along with.
But as Myth would have it I should have been an introvert, reserved and difficult to get along with; I am not.
This nails the myth that ‘only child’ is lonely, difficult to get on along with and is prone for maladjustment later in Life.
2.I have not been pampered.
I f I want something I used to ask my mother, which will be conveyed to my father,by her.
If he can not afford it, he would call me and say that he could not afford it.
My tantrums would be of no avail.
This has not made me adamant and cantankerous in my later Life.
3.Being the ‘only child’ has not made me any more selfish than any other child.
I am selfish as any other child and my daughter tells me I am selfish especially in Food, when I fight for Ice cream and chocolates with my Grandson, 4!
4.I had no idea what ‘shared strength’ is all about. till I heard the term recently.
The fact that Parents have more children does not make them to share less with children no dor parents Love one child the less.
This feeling is an illusion , for Love can not be quantified.
However it is a fact that parents do have a special fondness for a particular child, not that they love the other children less,
In general, I have seen fathers more attached emotionally to their Daughters.
In fact a Man sees his Mother in his daughter,
I do not know about Women.
5.It is a contradiction to observe that the eldest child gets priority in a Home and in some Homes the youngest’ it is the things are.
In short I am of the conviction that Children and emotions are not quantifiable and any conclusions based on these assumptions are incorrect and sends a wrong message to Parents.
The three biggest myths, she says, turn into one word – lonelyselfishmaladjusted – when people talk about us, despite the hundreds of studies that show only children are no different than people with siblings. It is a knowledge gap with consequences. The stereotypes “are really infringing on the lives of parents and especially mothers,” Sandler says. “They have their first kid for them and a second for the other kid. If the reason they’re doing that is that only children are somehow screwed up, then the reasoning is flawed.”
As I dared to exhale, she laid out the facts:
1. Only children are not lonely. This is true, but with a few qualifications. School-aged only children are not lonelier. However, those in rural areas might be somewhat more so, and adolescent onlys get lonely because they are teenagers. And grown-up only children coping with the needs and then the loss of aging parents do tend to feel more isolated than others in the same boat. “For me, personally, it is not a reason to have another kid,” Sandler says, “just so my kid has a sibling when I die.”
2. Only children are not more selfish than other people. Instead, Sandler says, “we become generous and respectful people. We put a lot of weight on our relationships. We tend to be very giving friends, and we are no more narcissistic than anyone else. For some reason, researchers cannot believe this, and just keep testing.
3. Only children are not all spoiled. At least, no more spoiled than any other child might be. “There is a notion that only children are spoiled because they get everything their parents have to give,” Sandler says, “and end up with the pony in the backyard and the diamond tiara and have a snit when they don’t get what they want. That’s not my kid. It wasn’t me.”
4. Only children are not maladjusted. “All of the data around that shows us that as long as kids go to school they’re socialized,” Sandler says. “I tend to be the person throwing a party. I bought a house with friends.”
5. Only children do have shared strengths. High achievement, intelligence and self-esteem. Raised in a “rich verbal environment” we talk a lot — and with depth. But, Sandler says, just as preventing “lonelyselfishmaladjusted” is not a reason to have a second child, improving your child’s SAT score is not a reason to stop at one.