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Man Watches Porn 24 Hours!

In Interesting and funny, lifestyle, Sex on March 10, 2013 at 08:55

A man watches Porn twenty-four hours!

Says he did for Science?

Let’s believe him as we believe the Politicians.

Doesn’t he get bored and feel nauseating?

Read On.

To subject my mind and body to twenty-four continual hours of pornography.

Watching Porn.

Watching Porn.

State your hypothesis in the form of a prediction that can be verified by the results of the experiment.

I once met a porn director who told me that if people watched his movies up to the closing credits, he had failed in his task. A friend of mine who worked in a video store told me that when most adult titles are returned, the tape is stopped just a few minutes into the action. I therefore conclude that the average person watches twenty-four hours of porn in his entire life. I’m about to watch several dozen titles start to finish, back to back, to test the effects of sensory overload. I’m told I could go blind.

Please list all the materials required for this experiment (including, if applicable, how they were obtained).

VCR
DVD player
Energy drinks (four)
Energy tablets (one packet)
Coffee (eight cups)
Ritalin (three hits)
Heap of smut

In this portion of your report, you must describe step-by-step what you did in your lab. It should be specific enough that someone who has not seen the lab can follow the directions and recreate the same lab.

Here’s the best way to get porn companies to send you free product: force your assistants to do it. Illustrious, resourceful and humbled by a crappy job market, Carrie and Noa called up several Southern California studios, which offered to send me a few sample tapes they had lying around. By the following Tuesday, those “few sample tapes” had formed a pile on my desk that vaguely resembled a Tora Bora cave.

The titles I received ran the gamut of adult entertainment: straight, gay, “exxxtreme,” arty, gonzo, small-budget, big-budget, classic. Around eighty hours on VHS and DVD. My plan was this: I would get up, come to work and start the pornathon around 10 a.m. on a Thursday. Unfortunately, important visitors were scheduled to pass through the office all day, and I couldn’t get started until eight that night. This meant that in order to complete the project, I’d have to maintain consciousness for forty hours. The prospect was daunting. I’ve never been awake that long, much less awake in one place. Luckily, a friend hooked me up with some of her prescription meds. Score! I ran to the bodega and stocked up on Red Bull, coffee and those hokey “Instant Vitality Pills.” I then arranged for a quasi-nocturnal pal to pop in during the night to ensure that I wasn’t goofing off. For the first time in my life, not watching porn would constitute goofing off.

Quantify the effects of the experiment.

Thursday, 8 p.m.
As I settle in at my desk with TV, VCR and portable DVD player at the ready, I opt to start off easy, with The Villa by noted director Andrew Blake. I’m intrigued by the women on the DVD cover: more suited to walking a Milanese runway than doing anything vaguely naughty, they make the Victoria’s Secret girls look like menopausal soccer moms.

Unfortunately, the sex is to porn what Kenny G is to music: soft, trite, “sensual” — something your parents would enjoy, perhaps after a shared bath with candles. Several unconnected vignettes feature smooching, rubbing and creative uses for pearls, feathers and clear glass dildos. Like, gag me with a spoon. Mouths threaten to come into direct contact with genitalia occasionally but never do. Oh, wait — scratch that. There issome cunnilingus, but it’s strictly PG. The girls look dry. I worry that they’re chafing. My friend Jamye stops by with a coffee and a concerned look on her face.

Thursday, 9:25 p.m.
After all that pouting, sultry cockteasing, I’m ready for something a little nastier. I put on an instructional video called How to Give a World-Class Blowjob. In the first scene, a middle-aged doctor smugly promises to reveal the secret to a perfect blowjob in “all its explicit, delicious, lip-smacking detail.” Easy, tiger! Sounds like he’ll be giving the demo. But no: the video cuts to an attractive couple — European by the looks of them — who demonstrate techniques for the next hour

http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/i-did-it-for-science/i-did-it-for-science-24-hours-of-porn?page=2

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