ramanan50

Be Prepared To Leave

In Behavior, lifestyle on January 13, 2013 at 11:02

"Old age (?)" - Unknown Painter from...

“Old age (?)” – Unknown Painter from the Low Countries (16th century) (Photo credit: Tilemahos Efthimiadis)

During last week I received two phone calls from two of my close friends.

One dates back to 43 years and another 4o years.

First call was around  1.30 am.

“ I am totally depressed and out.

My eldest son ha d set up his own Home.

My second son, had left for US on assignment for one year.

The Home I have been living for the past 60 years is about to be demolished.

Though I had received adequate compensation,  I do not like to live in a totally new place.

I want to go to my area where I have a commercial property which I have rented out.

I ha had asked him to vacate after paying him Compensation.

Now I find it difficult to supervise the alterations being carried out in the House as I am old and am dejected that my sons left me at my old age to look after myself and my wife.

The second call  was..

“My daughter got married  about five years back , has gone to US with her husband and has not come Home since as she could not get visa.

My son is planning to leave for Higher studies in the US.

My wife is sick and I am depressed”

The common factors in these two instances are.

That of children leaving Homes.

Those who are close to us are sick.

We must address the fact that we acquired these relationships and they were not forced upon us.

We took the responsibility of raising a family.

We teach and expect children to become self-confident, self-reliant and be independent.

In the process  somewhere along the line, we became emotionally dependent more than being attached.

We assumed , despite our professed desire of asking children to be self-reliant, we inwardly wanted them to be an emotional cripple and be dependent on us as it gave a sense of importance.

Once they stared being on their own we get disillusioned.

This is not maturity.

One should understand that every individual has his/ her Life to lead and they have their own preferences.

Though they would like to be with us they have to move on with their Lives.

After all , how much Tiie is left for us to continue living?

May be 15 0r 20 years?

Is it fair on our part to demand of them to suit our convenience when they have a full life ahead of them?

The other point is the question of those close to us falling sick.

As we advance in years, we fail to recognize that others who are close to us also age and as one ages, one becomes weak and it is natural that they fall sick.

The possible plan of action is to extend the best Medicare available.

As to choosing a place to live, when would we realize that we have no permanent place here?

As we advance in years let us realize that the time is up and we have to prepare ourselves to leave and stop acquiring things ,physical and emotional.

  1. Yes sir you are right.I have seen a number of Indians in US who are engaged in social and cultural activities there.

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  2. I am writing my personal experience.We have only one child, a son.In 2000 he did his I.Sc.He could not compete in I.I.T. I showed his horoscope to a friend aho declared that he will go abroad for studies.I did not believe.Some time thereafter an elderly acquaintance came from Chandigarh.He too suggested me to send my son abroad for further studies.I was not prepared.But two three relatives also suggested the same.Then somebody suggested about Twinning program of Manipal where four semesters are studied at Manipal.Syllabus is as per foreign universities.And after SAT and TOEFL students get transfer to some US university. My son got admission letters from six leading universities and ultimately decided to join University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign (UIUC).My wife was somewhat depressed. But I told her that our children are not our property.Rather we are a trusty to take care of children who have been send by the almighty GOD with some special mission assigned to him. And He has entrusted us with the task of facilitating him realize and accomplish his mission.We should not feel this pang of separation.Rather we should try to engage ourselves in other pursuits.She was composed to some extent.Our son was clear from day one that he has to come back. And after serving there for four years after his MS he along with his wife came back to India and joined IBM at Bangalore. His wife got transfer to India from San Jose to Bangalore in AMD.
    My purpose of telling all this is to suggest that we should be clear that our children are not our property. But they are the responsibility entrusted to us by GOD. So dont be depressed.Have faith in Him.

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    • The instances quoted by me is real as I said.

      It took a lot of persuasion from me to cheer up my friends.

      But all said and done, the pain for the parents is real.

      The only way is to take a philosophical and practical view.

      In general, people who go abroad especially to US,get green card and and settle there.

      Hope the youngsters read this post and understand the parents hurt.

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      • Yes you are right that most of the students who go there dont come back.It is because of higher income level of Indians there and secondly, due to hassle free life there.But of late lot of people are coming back because with the higher income they earn here they get the same quality of life and same comfort level.Moreover, with the uncertain economic conditions there and comparatively higher rate of growth in India many persons are comin back.So better to encourage them that they owe something to their country and to the society which they have to pay back.And after some time they should come back.Real problem arises when they raise their family there and have kids then they feel that their children will get seemingly better education there.And they stay there.Strong motivation and family orientation can mitigate the problem to some extent.

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      • Another reason for NRI’s return is this.
        Once they settle down and raise the Family, they find, when they are in their late forties or early fifties they realize that their children have become rootless and have a crisis of identity.
        They try to compensate this by actively involving in their Cultural and Religious activities.
        You would find the activities of these NRIs to be more sincere than their counterparts in India and in fact better than what they would have done when they were in India.
        When they find even this does not solve the problem they decide to call it quits and come back.

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